Humanity is a fickle thing, but it's impossible to feel otherwise. Inescapably, regrettably, powerlessly human in every moment of my life except when I'm with you. With you I'm a whirlwind of contradiction; just as hot and cold meet I live uncontrollably in my own head, spinning and whirling trying to feel normal again. When I'm with you I feel unbreakable without a single weakness in sight until you're all I see. The one thing making me an unstoppable force destroyed by you, the unmovable object. When I love you I'm powerless and lost just like every other fool humanity has destroyed , but I can't be beaten. I find myself parading aimlessly in your perfect presence feeling vulnerable with your hand around my heart to crush or to massage. You're the only exception to the only constant in my life making me feel impossibly yet unstoppably human.

I learned to live loosely, lovingly and loudly. Loving every loose moment of every loud life living around me.
Leaving light lingering on grounds and sky like leaves leaving in the fall I left before life decided to leave me.
I left to look for a love to lean on for life, and for myself to loan a moment to live for.
To listen, to long for, just long enough to look like a sky-lit sunbeam.
The loquacious levity of the life lasting around me lived lividly, keeping its eyes open, looking for lucidity.

I thought I could beat it.
I thought I was better than it.
I wasn't. I was only human.
I fought for a day I promised myself would come, because I was ready to be invincible. That idea, the innocent, unchanging, unbreakable idea that I created in my head was the realist thing I had ever known. The idea of something flawless, pristine, and timeless was the perfect constant to an ever-changing variable. Only one thing could ever crush something as unbreakable as an idea, and that was the idea itself coming to life.
Willing itself into a reality I couldn't control, it appeared in a body, in a name, and in the eyes of someone I had never known. It was there, but it felt different. I became an invincible vessel to a vulnerable outcome. My greatest weakness became the idea I had once hoped would make me indestructible. Instead, I found myself a slave to the hope I hoped would enslave the fear of being forgotten.
I found myself human.
Better, battered, beaten, but never broken I became invincibly vulnerable.
Finally, I knew I could beat it.
I knew I was better than it, because I indeed was human.
Beautifully, yet impossibly human.

It’s cold outside and the leaves have taken refuge in the tall untrimmed grass. Night comes quicker and the sun works part-time these days. Inside, the three brothers fluctuate the heat just enough to stay warm and keep their wallets trimmed at the same time. They were running around finalizing the last parts of The Holiday. The Holiday fell on a Wednesday and they were ready for the best time of the year.

6:29 PM was what the time read on every clock with the exception of the clock in the bathroom which ran ahead 4 minutes to ensure promptness. They would be here in seconds. With last mirror checks they ran to the living room awaiting the knocks on the door.

6:30

PM Only one knock came through from result of the eagerness of the eldest, two young ladies walked through one after the other. Hugs were given all around but kisses only exchanged between 4. It was time to leave but one guest was still missing.

6:42 PM

five are in attendance awaiting the sixth, four of them restless and the other worried. Figuring a reasonable amount of time has passed since call number 2 he then redials the phone contact, “My Love” and puts the phone to his ear. On the other end a cell phone is ringing somewhere with the caller ID “Him <3” but again no answer. Pacing the room now brother 2 of 3 is beginning to lose composure despite the comforting words of his 4 companions. Prepping to call again, his phone rings and is answered before the melody on his phone began. It was her.

Gleaming with relief and joy number 2 answers with a bright and hopeful, “hello” followed by a confused, “Yes I am.” His brothers and their beautifully dressed guests watch hopelessly as they realize it’s not who it is supposed to be. The phone now away from his face the receiver is asking in the room if he was still on the line. Sinking to the earth but caught by the floor he dropped the phone.

6:53 PM

Eleven minutes later they arrived at the scene of the accident ... Glass sparkles from a mixture of the newly fallen snow and the lights from the emergency sirens. Running toward the stretcher where she laid lifeless the downcast officer tried to restrain the inconsolable young man. When he reached her he grabbed her hand repeatedly saying her name and imploring her to come back. it was when he began kissing her bloodied and torn hands that they lost him forever. Kissing her hand in hopes to revive his lost love did he then come upon the diamond engagement ring he given her the day before, only hours prior to the last time he would have heard her say I love you, or anything for that matter.

As the man hit the ground his brothers were there immediately at his side as they watched the ambulance drive off, taking her further and further away from him on the last holiday he would ever remember.

6:59 PM

Today the sun came up but had no effect on me so I stayed asleep. In my sleep my dreams of which were pleasant were accompanied by you. You were finally with me. There came a point that my consciousness became aware that it was all a dream but in trade for three nightmares for this one dream he reluctantly allowed me to remain asleep.
       It was just as I imagined it would be except for the strange lack of dialogue. Well I should say that there was a lack of dialogue from your end. I was just going on and on, talking to you like any other person would to the literal girl of his dreams. You would hear every word, sometimes you would even smile and let out a silent laugh. Out of the corner of my eye I would catch you gazing at me like you were falling deeper and deeper in love with me completely unable to fight it. As we continued walking you reached for my hand, and as I went in to grab yours I went right through just as one would if trying to high-five a projected image. I couldn't understand what could possibly be happening.
       Shocked and seeming afraid you began to panic and I began to fade. Unaware of what was happening from your perspective I just watched as you frantically tried to get my attention through your flailing waves and cryptic signs. It all changed when you began to tear up...
        At first it sounded like a faint whisper and then it grew louder and louder until you were shouting. Between your sobs you were saying, "please don't go, don't leave me... Without you here I will not be able to fight fading away from myself and I am terrified of being nothing and being lost with you not here to find me. Without you here I am nothing but a soul searching for a home that became transparent in the daylight."
       We both stood there and stared as I continued to fade and then it happened.
       "I'm sorry for treating you like something I could live without." You said as if they were your last words, and then it all grew quiet and I woke up...

*Message Sent

It was just a normal day that we happened to be together. Your hand in mine; us side by side and then you broke away. You broke away to stare at something from far away so it wouldn't be self conscious of you peering into its soul. You stood there looking so intently at something I couldn't
see. I couldn't see what you perceived for I couldn't believe that there was something you saw that I couldn't conceive. So I stopped...I smiled and I took a picture. I took this picture of you staring in the distance with this half acquired smile... a moment in time that I would be sure to keep with me forever. The moment penetrated my soul ever so deeply that I decided to keep the picture somewhere it could affect even the ground I walk on. I keep the picture in my sole.... In the sole of my shoe so no matter where I go I'm walking with you.

I went out to watch the sunset, but I couldn't get myself to focus for the fear in the eyes of the sky was shimmering knowing that their light was fleeting. Feeling empathy for the sky and myself knowing why, I ran. I began to run and run, through the pain and the fire in my lungs I ran. I ran to save the sky, to give them one last chance, one last time for a last goodbye. I ran through the black to beautiful shades of pink and orange. I ran oh I ran to save the sky from emptiness and sadness because I couldn't save myself from a similar fate. I ran until I made it to watch the sky give its final goodbye. This time I let it happen because the sky seemed prepared and I remembered something very important. Although some nights seem longer than others they do not last for always and as it departed once before will it eventually return just the same.

Time sets, it moves and it sings. It cries in silence in hopes to be heard. Darkness settles around our dreams with nothing but good intention. It is only misunderstood as ominous because we can’t see through its shield. Blocking away the unnecessary the darkness fights to actually show us what is important as we lie awake in the depths of our dreams; shielding us from the distractions we all tend to give our focus.

I see you standing there in a doorway reaching out to anything you can get your grasp on, waving, flailing, trying your hardest to not fall in the abyss of the unknown and the too good to be true. I then see all things being projected toward you, hurrying and fleeing to your side to save you now. The darkness begins to envelop my surroundings as far as the eye can see, growing stronger more full of nothing and seeming more ominous. I fight to stead my focus only to you, enhancing my speed of the walk trying to still remain calm through my thundering heart. Everything was shooting toward you, but you wouldn't grab hold… You latched on to me with your eyes and looked as if you would never let go. Regrettably I stopped… Only for a moment, but I stopped. I felt it was a trap, why would you only be waiting for me despite all the wonderful things trying to get hold of you? The Darkness scared me, the darkness threatened me. Not you, your eyes never left me but I couldn't focus on you because of the uncertainty behind the intentions of the darkness.

Again I stopped, but this time I took a step back. The light between
you was getting narrower for the darkness was growing stronger. I could feel my breaths shorten as you continued to reach for me, praying not to fall further. I wanted to get to you, I just wasn't strong enough. It felt like the darkness was growing the closer I came to you. Rather than facing it and you at the end I began to retreat back to what I knew while trying my hardest to not focus on your eyes penetrating my mind, and your hand prying open my heart. I retreated watching the darkness subside, I retreated. I was okay, as I came out of distance of you; I told myself you were okay simply to destroy any chance of guilt. I was almost free until I heard a faint song of something familiar, something I once kept locked in my soul. I began inching toward it searching deliberately for what it could be. Louder it grew, louder and more clear, it began touching my heart, through spots of wet yellow paint, splintered wood, and broken glass I continued on, paying no attention to the darkness continuing to devour my instant surroundings. The sound, the familiar singing in my head seemed to be entreating me to come back. I began to run; I began to run toward it through the last bit of light fighting through the darkness until I felt like I was flying. It was you again… but this time you were trapped behind the things trying to help you.  I heard the faint memory once more, but this time it was coupled by the movement of your lips. Through the deepest reserves of my memory you had come back imploring me to make it to you through the nonsense. Fighting through the fear I came to you and without a hesitant thought or a wasted glance at the surrounding darkness I began bloodying myself pulling away the destruction that kept me from you; the pieces of once good things that kept you from me. Feeling nothing for myself but
solely for you I felt your still outstretched hand graze my fingertip and the blood left with your touch. Understanding that with you I was unstoppable I broke through sacrificing the last piece of me to be once again with you. You free, I fallen, you picked me up, piecing all of me back together. Penetrating my eyes you were the last thing I saw as the darkness encompassed us and immediately ceased to exist.

Loosening your clutch from my head to your heart did we then notice it was only you and I. With no sign of the destruction of the struggle from before, we were all that was left. It was just the two of us alone in a vast room filled with all of our dreams to last for an eternity and beyond.

The feel of the wind is blindly hypnotizing beneath the light of the moon that's so mesmerizing
Leading me further into it's gust while whispering to me to the moon or bust
So naturally I let it carry me away having no care to go or to stay
I am driven toward the sky so bright, brightly charged by the stars of the night
Without a care or the slightest worry I was carried away in what seemed like a hurry
Feeling slightly engrossed with fear I began to wonder how I wound up here
What choices and decisions did I decide and choose? Which loved ones have I left abused? What would have happened if I chose to stay? Was it my real life that I chose to betray?
Shaking these thoughts of pain and regret I try and forget the life that I've left
It's all okay until you appear in the clouds releasing yourself from the darkness’s shroud.
I see you and even at this altitude I feel like I'm at home, there's a trail of light flying by where your smile was shown
In the trail I create lead away by the wind parting me from you I realize finally I know what I'm to do
I ask the wind to take me back; return me to my comfort for no matter what's a mystery I see that happiness should come first
Surprisingly pleased the wind halted to a stop and at the stunning rate of gravity I quickly began to drop.
Flailing and kicking and wishing for earth I then perceived all of life's worth
Of what's important and what truly matters, of what is truly right and what we would rather
As a smile breaks to my face I feel a hand on my heart a feeling that I felt at the journeys start
Whispering to me to please come to, it will all be okay, this I promise you
My eyes awaken and your eyes stare in mine and at that moment I know it will all be fine
Feeling the wake of the wind I arise from my pillow and watch the wind take a bow as it leaves from my window.

Oh how I wish you wouldn’t persist to make my insides miserable. To make them wish that they could run away, away to the day they no longer ache from loneliness and pain. You are a discovered conclusion to the realest illusion of a happy life. Something to help me continue the elusion of the friendly knife. Frightening enough the knife seems more a friend than you since it’s mission of finding me a happy end is true. Drawing me closer and closer while growing more enticing by the moment it prepares to seize the opportunity in hopes to own it. I reach toward you since you’re the obvious choice but that’s the part that’s crazy... Happiness is the desire but remains so lazy while death constantly courts us. How long can we all continue to await love and deny our arranged marriage?

Let's take a chance on that-one-thing you dreamed of once. It frightens you because you can't quite remember that-one-thing and the ellipsis leaves a bitter taste in your mouth. Three periods, following the leader in silence leaving so much to be feared. The doubt, the darkness, the cliff leading to an abyss of nothingness all from three meaningless periods. That-one-thing is drilled into your brain like faded words on a street sign. In that dream you remember the feelings, but you can't put a finger on that-one-thing and what it was. You long for it, you hope to dream of it once again but you continue to fall asleep to an unaccompanied darkness of your own inner self. Like a dream journal you told me the bits and pieces of your half remembered night with myself and that-one-thing, and your tone - your excitement had never been matched. You think to yourself that if you could only find the end again you would be ready, but again the ellipsis haunts you and forces you to sleep through the moments that could have meant something until you finally remember the name of that-one-thing.