Numb
My legs go numb
the thoughts invading my head
Stupid thoughts that I know are a figment of my imagination
I am starting to believe
the repetition tricking my body

I feel the exhaustion
the weight of my thoughts is crushing
I feel like Atlas, the weight of the world on his shoulder
Keeping it in when it's trying to get out.
Out of my eyes
out of my mouth
out of my pores, my nose, my ears

I feel like I'm going to *****
my voice gets small
my belief is growing in these lies I lay
I didn't think this before
I didn't feel this before

I know its stupid
I know I shouldn't believe it
but I do
and that's terrifying

If want was water,
I would be drowning, my head under completely
and my oxygen quickly depleting.
If confusion was cold,
My fingers would be numb and I wouldn't even
have a coat to ward off the freezing.
If youth was you,
It would be slipping away by the second,
And I can't get a hold to stop it.
Now,
my air is gone,
I'm shivering to the bone,
and can't keep a hold on.
But, this is only a poem:
I know I'm not suffocating, subzero, or slipping.
But I can't help but feel like the more I write,
the farther I get from reality
and the closer I get to metaphor mortality.

Together the time lifts and separates
Those for whom there is no shadow
Slowly undoing the winching gears
Watching the guide rope flop water.

And if you hear my song of depart
Do not cry for today is your happy
Birthday hours and it must celebrate
All the days that belonged to ourself.

Love Mary ***

a warm cup of coffee
with cinnamon and honey

a little bitter, a little lovely

but hot as hell just the same

How meaningless life appears to be  
When Love withdraws its comforting ray;  
Harmony turns into entropy . . .
Chaotic impulses have their way

Though the sun rose to announce the day,
It matters not that it rose at all!
Darkness prevails when Love goes astray,
The shore weeps, though the tides rise and fall

Should a deluge submerge hill and dale,
Then oceans be scorched by the sun's breath,
Without Love, such calamities pale
When compared to solitude's slow death

Nowhere else in the vast universe
Can the harmony of Love be found;
So at every chance let us rehearse
Love's sweet symphony - Let it resound!

For Love is all that really matters --
And there is no doubt that life is grand
When that wall of loneliness shatters,
And Love walks beside us, hand in hand

I have this list in my mind
Of all the things I wish I had said
Numbered from the most important
To the frivolous passing sayings
A hello in the brisk morning light
Or a goodbye in the star filled sky

The list gets jumbled and muddled
As time moves forward without us
Knowing I had plenty of chances
To speak on behalf of my heart
But I held the words too close
Until they filled my head with thoughts of you

I say them out loud to myself
As if you were here by my side
But instead the words fall
With no one to catch them
And I’m left with my mouth open
As an “I love you” barely escapes my lips