the real virus is ignorance
and you choose not to wear your mask
infecting those around you with selfishness and cocky insecurities

the rising stench of death
is the aroma of entitlement
and lack of respect for humanity
that you parade around like a tattoo

the weak signing their own death sentences
being forced to prepare goodbyes
without the chance
to have a say

you aren't god karen

its no longer a trend
i see us scrapping for words and bleeding our feelings onto paper
while the rest of them hide and dismiss the thought of expressing  emotions

what is a poem, if it is no longer read?

what are we, if we are the only ones listening?

is it cooler to pretend and make fun of your passion like the new
generations are doing?

i don't know where i am going with this

i never really fought the labels and stereotypes i was given growing up. never denied rumors or shown myself to the people around me who i really was. and those rumors were actually awful thinking on it now. some people really grew up having those thoughts about me and have gone on for years thinking i was this person they heard about. isn't that strange to think about? someone out there knew you casually for years in school or work or in the neighborhood and you will never fully know how they saw you. its taken me almost 4 years to realize i didn't have to be afraid. nobody would ever stand up for me the way that i could've stood up for myself. although i know now i will forever stand alone for being different around these parts-at least i am left standing being who i really am.

i did make the choice, to not go down that road.
do you know how it feels to constantly procrastinate your feelings?
i put them in the back seat and kept driving.
ignoring the warnings lighting up in the corners of my eyes as i pass them.
am i waiting for something?
i know i am.
no-avoiding.
i don't think anyone is waiting for me.
but then again it is my fault
that
i am always late.

Sometimes I say things
and nobody listens
   So I swallow the words that are stuck in between my teeth
while the echo of my expectations are left ringing in my ears

   Sometimes I am here
but nobody sees me
   So I sink into the walls as the shadow surrounding the room
while my eyes close and I view myself as a nail in chipped wallpaper

They walk away from me without realizing it. Going somewhere that I cannot go.

Do you want to walk away from yourself too?

   Feeling like I am the message between the lines that nobody can read, I sleep fall asleep under the covers.

Can you banish me to the shadows
and shower me with my collected tears.

Cleanse the sin of always longing for more
and slaughter the remaining feelings that I have swimming around in my hollowed being.

Coughing up the words I swallowed down deep
I beg to be left alone
in regret and unfiltered sorrow.

Catching the scent of a decaying rose
resting in the cage that lives in the center of my sleepless body.

Call it out, and I will take your pain into my own.
I will do it for the sake of your horned soul
so I can revive something in mine

Conning my way through
my final days
leaving behind
your happiness.

i paint my nails like the sky changes seasons
in the same light and dark ways
but just for all different reasons

my boredom is wilting my heart like a flower
how lonesome and pitiful
i decay by the hour

i have no more feelings
  like a whisper-less hum
a melody out of tune
a song become numb

if i could find the reason why
i wouldn't be down on all fours
searching on blindly
closing all the wrong doors

im noticing that it is hard
to just be free
when i settle on being something
other than me

the way that i am
people treat like the plague
so i've settled my case
and become somewhat
vague

I never thought  
   that I would kiss
      the trees to feel the air.
I've been drowning
   choking on the hope
      that you have and really do
        care.
You tied the knot
     a little too tight
        and I'm latching on
          the truth.
You've left me
    with a bleeding mouth
       'now turning into a
           sweet tooth.

Verse 1
Sneak peak at your future-is it warm and bright?
A flash foward that is only for tonight.
Ring a bell for every single sinner-
prepare the gold for our number one winner-
I see you're starved like a wolf without his dinner-
I'll pull out the guide "Assasins for Beginners"
Do you wanna know-Do you want to know
Is it yes or no-is it yes or no
Pull back every arrow
And shoot it through your bow.

Verse 2
I sip every ounce of the satin night.
Like a veil of memory washing out my sight.
Raise a heart for every single loser-
Burn a witch says ever accusor-
I sleep walk all the nights that I am dreamin-
I've got a little secret: my lover is a demon.
Do you wanna know-do you wanna know
Is it yes or no-is it yes or no
Pull back every arrow and shoot it through your bow.

Verse 3
Raise your glass-to the moonlight.
As if your last-no wrong or right.
Is it worth your story to have it all?
No more bruising glory, no more room to fall...
A dark love spell.

I quietly awaken from a metallic misty slumber.
My head pounding, I roll over. Expecting to feel the scratchy bed sheets I had fallen asleep on, I feel a sudden fear, because I am falling.
Falling into a strange darkness. Deep black hues sitting around me as I plunge down.
I look and seem scared, but I secretly feel excitement pumping through my veins.
Stale, stabilized air, swims around me.
I now realize that I have been on the ground for quite a while.
No sound-No light.
I search around for answers, but while laying there
not paralyzed-but fearful to be where I am.
where am I?
An electric hum circulates throughout the lonely area.
I roll over and cry.
The world is so far away from me...have I left the world?
Cold and alone. Alone and scared.
A faint far away light shines behind me.
Revealing the area to be a total nothingness. As if I were floating in a pitch black continuous space.
I stand up and slowly turn towards the light.
My heart stops. I loose every ounce of sweet air breathing through my lungs. An electric zing stings my every nerve. My brain screams in confinement-as if it no longer can control my body.
I slowly feel my blood flow throughout my body.
My heart beat is so loud-echoing throughout this hollowed out infinite area.
I see you. A shining light. Radiating warmth and light. Reflecting electricity off of everything and nothing.
Absorbing every ounce of life. But in a joyful exciting way.
Mesmerizing. Without thought I feel a compelling feeling that it is ok to move towards you.
I glance down at my skin-which seems to be a very pale and lifeless gray. My fingernails slightly purple.
Your skin glows with sunshine and life, while mine is a piece of lonely death. Your eyes deep and alluring, while mine forever fade into oblivion.
I walk towards you. Feeling a happiness fuel up my soul. Turning my aura a warming peach.
You are alluring and intelligent.
I get close and reach out my warming pale hand.
You reach out in amusement, allowing our fingers to touch.
I get electrocuted with life. I become bright-glowing-alive.
I feel no more pain. I feel simple happiness. Excitement that only comes from exploring uncharted territory.
I feel sunshine flow through my veins.
But you look away and smile.
Distracted.
Your hand lowers away while mine is still reaching out.
I fade to a glowing hue of serene pink.
A feeling of longing rushes over me.
I look over to where your attention lays.
Another beautiful light swings this way.
You waltz off calmly with the other lovely brim of light.
Still amazed, I just watch. Crying inside-but too afraid to show it. Fading away inside- but shining on the outside.
I watch your light's float away wishfully in a pool of happiness.
While I sit and watch in a whirlpool of lonely longing.
I realize that I cannot find my way out.

I dream of a world dizzy with fate
Time going slowly with no time to waste
I am falling over with music in my head
Resting wide awake with silly thoughts, pillow on my bed
So I sink into sleep and dream of a world full of space
Stars roam along with us, smiles slither down my face

the hail keeps hitting at my window. the small ice cold breeze finding its way through the windowpane. smelling the cold wet dirt of the outside world. seeing nothing in my dark non-lit room. hiding in here to avoid anything that reminds me of life. opening my blinds to watch the storm. seeing the small little frozen blocks-almost looking as if there were blocks of sugar falling from the grey skies. I feel lonely. I feel strange. I feel as if I was supposed to watch the storm. so I turn my head away. shut the blinds and crawl into bed. I cannot face the world. I cannot face life. im not     scared. im not   afraid.    im just alone in a hail storm.

Some days I think, we live in a world like no other.
Laughing simplicity with our father and our mother.
But I look in the sky and see nothing but blue.
Wide open space, without me, without you.
The world all industrialized, big, large, our home.
But I can't help but think, we are here all alone.
Distance between moon, between sun, between stars,
Venus and Neptune, or Jupiter or Mars.
No life, no existence, no movement, all silent.
Down here is all war, all mixed up and violent.
I envy the cosmos, the stars, and the moons,
They don't deal with enemies, not even monsoons.
I admit, sometimes I like this crazy old world,
only when my mind is sane, and not swirled.
But I cant help but look up at a star filled night sky
and think to myself: are we all alone? Or am I?