It was flickering.
She could feel it.
She watched in awe as the light fought its way through,
Moving,
Just as she thought that it would die out,
That the fight was over,
It flickered again,
Stronger,
Brighter,
Hotter.

It seemed like an endless cycle.
A vicious, painful cycle.
She wondered why the light didn't just give up!
Why was it fighting its way through what seemed like a pointless war?!
Why didn't the light just...give up?
It would be easier, safer, painless...

Then she saw it.
The light stopped flickering.
The flame grew, brighter and brighter,
lighting up the black room,
Illuminating her once dark life.
She saw the flame dancing in glee,
knowing that it had won that dark battle.
She looked down and saw a shadow,
Her shadow.

Just like that,
She had her answers.

I saw her
Lower the moon

And as it sunk
Into the Sapphire sea

My heart changed its tide
And my mind filled with disease.

I try to untangle my confusion like the tangled webs of lesbian ***
Arms and legs stretched and bent like some circus contortionist
But to ride out my computer brain, not nearly as logical,
Is like an impossible puzzle
To try and solve two Rubik’s Cubes, one in each hand
Is more probable than to solve the mysteries within you
A fever of 151 will just expose vague feelings hardly held too deep
I speak in code, not too difficult to know,
But maybe it is because the look on your face shows
You either don’t care or have grown tired of my games
But this ain’t a game anymore; I don’t think it ever was
I just want someone to not roll their eyes in discontent
In disappointment, a lack of interest
But I can’t blame you because I am the victim of my own game
My shame, I can’t help but giggle and make a mockery
Of these secrets that I try half-heartedly
To drown in a sea of alcoholic, drug addled debauchery
My pupils shrink not nearly as close to the size of my heart
I don’t know how else to scream “Help!”
My music, my poetry, my word choice, my lack of hygiene
Am I just some worthless case that you can’t bring
Yourself to see, the truth of it all
Cuz it hurts too much, to realize what your son has become
So maybe in your mind repeating my last words
Will fix everything inside that burns
But I run, don’t try too hard to hide, the pain beneath my eyes
I don’t know how else to scream I need a real person to confide
I lost her and I lost it all
Why is it so difficult for you to make a connection?
To your own son, your own brother
Until it’s too late, until my feet are dangling
Held high, held tight
By anything I could find, but I couldn’t wrap it tight enough
Fell on my knees, nearly broke my neck and vertebrae
I probably did, but did you have anything to say?
After a week it was all the same again
So I drink my poison, poke my arm again
Wear long sleeves all year long, just to get some kind of emotion
But I suppose it’s expensive to keep me alive
It’s sure as hell not cheap to try and end this reckless *******
Like my body is immune, to heavy metals and dulled ***** needles
A noose, an overdose, a drunken crash, a clash of drugs, splashes in my nose left unplugged
What will it take?
How much more can I endure?
Only a bullet to the brain seems the only thing fool proof.

Is it nostalgia,
Habit or that little culprit

The awakening
Once more
The heart dropped
As if you were never gone

We ignore the signs
That tear us apart
Though history taught us
We are not enough

Love with you,
In perpetuity, and never sure
I can without
But I would rather not.