Pins and needles
jabbing my skin
poking my mind
my choices were to let the blood flow
or to sew up my mind

They held no false words
simply a harsh truth
but
for now I won't think
I will simply pin the cuts together
and numb my mind

I've always hated ending things
When I was younger I always left a single sentence unread in a book
Because that way I could say that the story wasn't over
The story wasn't finished and my imagination could thrive
But as I got older books became more serious
Characters died
I couldn't have that
Death meant the end so when a character died I would stop reading
I'd say the plot didn't interest me and throw it away
And this ideology took over my life and I procrastinated
I put things off as long as possible
And then when my grandfather died I did not bat an eye
It was just like the books I read
'Nothing happened, just don't bring it up'
I did that, every time someone died
Someone got hurt
A story ended
I avoided it like the plague
But what do you do when someone dies in front of you
When you hear the shallow beat of a dead heart
And when that happened I wept
Not because of something so ridiculous as a death
But because I realized I had turned into someone that didn't care
I had watched someone die
And the beep of the dead pulse only annoyed me

Open eyes
Closed heart

Did Romeo know Juliet would be the last beautiful thing he saw?
or is the Night-blooming Cereus fine with only seeing the night once a year
I always thought that falling in love would be different
I thought a day wasn't enough
but after I met you I realized that I'd die for just a glimpse at your face
a moment to hear your voice

Skin hanging through the air, a hot air balloon about to land
Run by thoughts and feelings
It is hot air
There is no place to land
No place to put my feet down
My mind is numb
I don't know how to move a machine with no power
Move a ship with no water
My mind is hot air
It moves my stitched together skin
Thread breaking at the seam
A body rejecting the sky but not wanting to crash

I'm called an artist when I draw someone else
I'm called selfish when I draw myself

The clock will change
Things will rot
Things will grow
Things will change
We will change
Whether passive or not
is up to you

I am frozen
Chapped lips and broken bones
The open wounds will never close
I can't move, let alone breath
Can someone please unfreeze me
Frostbite has taken its toll
My mind is broke and I'm alone
A lock blocks an open door
Please god help me I have froze
The years stopped along with winter
The cold mist fills my home
I'm all alone

I like winter
Spring is too quick
Summer is too loud
Fall brings nothing but death
Only in winter does the earth stand still

I saw you in my dreams
You smiled like it was yesterday
Before we had the fight
You smiled like you couldn't know evil
You smiled with such innocence that I could cry
Because that innocence broke for me
And the evil followed soon
I can't believe I hurt you
Because when I ripped my own heart out
The string connecting us ripped your heart out too

Yelling rings out, spreads and echos
Arguments, red hot, burning
They rip up the sheets of our beds
The wooden floors laugh at our attempt at a quiet escape
Life itself jokes with us
It makes silence impossible
Our ears are exhausted
Overworked and drained

I don't dare to confront you
for the anger you hold shadows over the kindness in my heart
and corrupts all around you
so I'll stare
hopelessly in love
with the man that strikes at my gaze
and breaks hearts

We talk about dreams as if they are something that can be grasped in our hands like candy from a store or money from the jobs we work as a 'stepping stone' to our dreams
We forget for a moment that dreams are like sand that cannot be grasped so carelessly
We see the sand on the beach and pretend that we are better then that
We see the remnants that others once held and we look towards the sea with such ambition that we forget the sand in our hands and let it join the dust
Just for a moment in the sea

Today I am alone
It isn't anything I didn't expect
Your with her and I'm here thinking about you
I left your thoughts long ago
You buried me and your friends together
A new start
But a corpse left in the ground begins to rot
I'm with the earth six feet under while you bask in the sun
I'm here
I'll be here until roots fill what empty space is my heart
She'll be next to you

It's so easy to get confused
To mix violence and love together
Apologies and lies
They are all mistakes
A simple question asking for help
Turns into a night of horrors
Nightmares ensue in gardens of flowers
They wither and die with every breath
A raining shadow of empty dreams
I've made a tomb out of my own grief
I tried to put myself 6ft under
Life and death go hand and hand
You can't have one without the other
So when I wanted to die I was told
I just need to live
What I've done so far is nothing more then sleep walking
I'm on autopilot and I'm not taking anything in
A schedule that repeats itself has never been so empty
Then a person with less life then a corpse

We fear the unknown for reasons we can't even fathom
Whether it be the uncertainty of jumping either into water or spikes
or the fact that a mother's milk can be a poison
We forget that blades can be words and blood can be wine
and even though we know this, we still claim that all humans have humanity
We fear the unknown because we want to forget- even for a moment that there is something worse then what we already know

I try to think of the positives
Not electrons but things that I like
But my mind draws a blank and I know that it's wrong
But I can't think beyond today
And I know others like that
The nomads of our minds
We explore the depths that shouldn't be crossed
And we wonder 'why' too many times
So while the negatives hit me like a bullet from a loaded gun
The positives avoid me like the rich
Too good to touch the poor

I'm a very trustworthy liar
Telling truths of a soothsayer, all my future goals
None will come to fruition
Like a dog; all bark and no bite

From the moment I was born I began to die
From the alcohol fumes to the police visits
The smell of tobacco that lined the walls of a empty home
Family problems that brought bruised limbs and false explanations
And while my body was bruised my mind was already broken
Years of being told no one will miss me when I die
Years of wanting to die
I've been dying for so long I'm just a hollow husk
An empty shell of a little girl with small dreams

Cancerous- that's what she called people like me
Sickly cells, mutations of what is natural
Like alcoholism and angry outbreaks, a familial normal
Bloodlines filled with misuse of all that we are given
Haul me down the aisle on ice, toe tag and all
So I can change my name once I die
So I can change.

I have no mouth
Only fingers that write worthless words on screen
Or to draw boring pictures on walls
My finger tips are the only thing I need to live
I do not mind my lack of voice
Or how when I speak my words merge with the crowd
Because the words I type
Are infinite
So I will live on with no words in reality
And live on forever in a digital haven

A watchful eye
on a watchful night
where stars collide
and towers build on your eyes
sleep consumes you
ending your watch
and the stars finally die down
as the world has become silent