We live in such a shallow closed world
Where feelings are told to be shared
yet we keep them behind bars
so no one can tell

I suppose it's fear of judgement
because who wants to be vulnerable
and show their inner soul
when others so easily can rip it out

If you choose to be open
you are either frown upon
or you get the big eyes and the gasps
”You are surely special”

Oh am I? Why is that?
I don't believe to be
because just like you
I have feelings

The only difference on you and me
is that I choose to show them
because I am not scared
And my feelings deserve their freedom

Anxiety is
Made by the Space in between
What is and could be

It takes time
It is hard to explain to them
that you are not easily adjusted like a roadsign
you can't just push away the hands cribbling over your back
remindind you that you are not like them

It took me 6 months to open up to a friend
It took me 1 year and 5 months to accept, that I had fallen
It took me years to tell myself that THIS is not the end
It took me my entire life to remind myself that life is better than
leaving to be in the world above

It took me 12 years to realise I had anxiety
It took me none less than a week to realise that I had a problem
It took me many tearful years to realise I was not the problem
It takes me forever to adjust back to a life worth living in a world
where I always believed I was the definition of the word "problem"

It took me 12 years to decide that I should fix my broken pieces
It took me 1 year to realise that this is not easily done
It took me painful deeds to find something other than a knife that eases
It took me the realisation of lies to realise that being lonely was actually
okay since all my friends with masks had gone

It's still taking time to find the places for my pieces I repaired
It's still taking time to tell myself that I am worthy of being happy
It's still taking time to take back the confidence that disappeared
It's still taking time to fix my broken self and begin to act alive
and remind myself that it is okay to sometimes still feel ******

So when they tell me "Get over it"
I now know, that it will be yet another thing
to take the time, and though they don't get it
I won't let them make me hurry my life to begin

Because it takes time

light
from the lit windows
   of the hurrying train
streams out
and instantly disappears
   into the darkening landscape
   through which I travel

I do now know
   where it goes
   what scene it may
   happen to illuminate

sometimes
when we stop at a station
   pass a town
   or a row of cars
   waiting at the crossing
we are receivers
   of the light of others

so we speed through the world
receiving some
and sending flickers of light
   into space
to unknown destinations

           * *