People don't seem to get how I feel at all
and no matter how hard I try to explain it it's like continually walking into a wall

I tried telling them about when I see people outside
and I get the urge to talk to them but it gets overruled by the bigger urge to hide

Or how I could feel like buying pizza or chocolate
but then I remember I have to talk to the person behind the counter and I figure it's better to wait

I get excited about a party but when I have to go out of the door
I always somehow end up staying at home, no wonder I never get any invitations anymore

If I see people I recognize on the street
I tend to back off and run away if it is possible instead of just greet

I have to call doctor? Oh no!
It doesn't matter, I tell myself, I don't really need to go

People usually don't understand my fear
and just because it isn't visible to you doesn't mean it's not here

But I understand why they don't get me
because who is so excited about being around people yet too afraid to actually be?

Yeah that's true, it's sadly me

Happiness come in small amounts from
the ability of letting yourself be happy

I want to say hi
but I can't make myself say the words
as if my tongue burns itself on them while I taste them in my mouth
-I'm sorry

I want to reply your smile
but somehow it frightens me of how it will come off
I panic but forget to smile and now I stand here looking rude and mean
-I'm sorry

I need to ask something important
but asking is bothering, I do not want to bother you
I will just seek for guidance in my own sea of selfhatred
-I'm sorry

I want to talk to you
I think you are interesting, but I better stay away
maybe you will think I am boring or I will seem like a creep
-I'm sorry

I don't want you to think I hate you
I truly think you are a great person but I know I send out grumpy & judging eyes meant for myself but accidently pointed towards you
-I'm sorry

I really want to go there
"there" means school, class, work, a party or some kind of something
but hey I might ruin it for everyone.. I better call in sick -use an excuse
-I'm sorry