I laid there in her arms and-
All I could think about was
How good she smelled and-
Her hand holding my shoulder
Moving up and down my arm and-
Her chest rising and falling
Beneath my ear and-
I couldn't wipe the nervous
Smile off my face and-
I don't have complete thoughts around her and-

I threw her drunk *** onto the ground by her hair
Got on top of her
Her hands hit my arms
But didn't hurt at all
I punched her face
One
Two
Three
Stand up shaking

All it took was
Two days
To get her to leave her boyfriend
For me

What's wrong with me

Haven't felt butterflies
In two years
I've been a truly dead wasteland
For almost a year
But when she smiles at me
It's like my whole body becomes
*alive

She's so
Perfect
Sublime
I want to eat her up
Make her mine
Let her love me
And love her well
Take her to a fancy restaurant
And give her the world

They say breaking
up is the hardest part.
It isn't if you don't care.

No matter how many times I say her name
It still gets caught in my throat
Still holds insurmountable meaning
It doesn't just become three syllables
It becomes me crying cause I realize it's almost been 5 months since the last time we made love
5 months since the last time we kissed or even truly talked
And she is happy
And I'm still in bed, whispering her name
And hoping it becomes just three
Syll-a-bles.

He leans his head back,
Closes his eyes.
Sighed.
"you drive me crazy.."
He sits up, looks out the window.
Mutters:
"and not the good kind of crazy."

I sit there, not caring.
All I can think of is how
Ill never be the good kind of anything.

She was the realest thing I ever had
Made me feel so **** complete
Lying in her arms
And feeling her chest rise and fall
I thought to myself
"I could stay here forever"
And drifted off to sleep.
Now,
Our relationship,
I see,
Was built on a foundation of lies
And crying
Pulling away
And being too needy all at once
I see her in the hallway
And my heart breaks
Every time
Cause she passes me by
Without looking once
And I'm so entranced by her walk
That I have to stop and watch

I guess I'm lucky I'm one of those people who look pretty without make up.
I guess I'm also one of those people with a ****** up mind as well.

I promise you that whatever problems
I have with her
I still love you
And
You are not alone.

You ask me why I'm with you?
Fine.

I'm with you because of the way
Your eyes look when you are looking
At the ground and smiling
And the way you brush my hair back
With your fingertips
How you hold my face
And kiss my cheek
The way you laugh
Walk
Hold my hand
Wrap your arms around me
I promise you
You aren't alone in this
I love you for your
Scratchy beard
And soft caressing hands
Just know I do love you
Even if it means nothing to you
I do.

At the end of each day
As I'm laying in the dark
Looking into the night
I whisper
"I still want to die"

He holds my hand
He kisses me soft
He takes me out
He loves me right

Why am I still in love with her?

I don't know what to do
I'm half a heart without you

I'm not ready to give up on you. Whenever I think about it, I think about how much of an amazing person you are, and then I couldn't ever give you up. I have had an opportunity every day for almost four months to move on. But I don't want to. I'm so sorry you feel like I thought our relationship was a joke. To be honest, I knew it was so ******* real that I couldn't imagine you not wanting to be with me, and it scared me. I'm sorry it scared me. If I had to have you and only you until the day I died, I would be happier than anybody and anything in this whole world. Because I love you still. So much. And if you ever gave me the chance to prove to you I was for real about this, I would take it and prove how much I love you. I would buy you flowers every day and wake you up with a kiss and hold your hand and walk you to your classes and treat you so ******* good that you wouldn't ever want HER. You want to know what I think about Angel? Besides her being beautiful and perfect and stunning. I think you want her because she treats you a million times better than I ever did. And I know she is way better than me in every way shape and form, but I still love you. This pathetic girl still loves you. And I'm sorry you thought you weren't enough, because in all reality I wasn't enough. You were perfect.

I love the way he fills me
And ***** me like he hates me
I love the way he grabs my hair
And holds my hips so hard it hurts

How am I
Nothing
Besides
Wrong

I sleep wrong
Smile wrong
Work wrong
**** wrong

Nothing in my life is right

I love the word poison.
It entices me.
The way the o and the i
Just become round and full
Inside your mouth
And then are shut up
With the s
And you end the word
With your tongue pressed
To your teeth.

Take me to the bathroom
Take my clothes off
Make love to me
Up against the ***** wall.

Please stay
I love you and I need you
Please stay
I hear those words echoing in his voice
Every time he speaks

I ask what am I?

He says You are poison.

I say I know.

He says sorry if that answer was bad.

I say *No, it wasn't a bad answer. It was a real answer.

All we want is someone to love us.
Somebody who will kiss our foreheads
When we are asleep. Who will tuck our hair behind our ears. Make us laugh. Make us smile. Distract us. Someone who wouldn't ever break us, and someone who will pick up the pieces. We want a love that isn't tainted by the stains of our ruined fingers. When we go home we want to smell like them. Wake up to them. Soft. Sweet. Then passionate. We want someone who will say "I will love you as long as you let me".

All I want to do is get drunk
And forget what her face looks like
After we get done kissing
I want to forget how nice her laugh
Sounded against my ear
I need to forget how we'd lay in bed
And just hold each other tight
How she'd say "I love you"
And how she actually meant it
I need to forget everything
In my ******* life

She isn't mine anymore
Isn't mine to have

I want to gut myself out
Like a goddamm fish
And write her name on my
Chest in my own blood
So everyone would know
Why I did it

I'm the most ****** up person I know.
I'm worse than the rapists
And the murderers
I'm worse than the paedophiles
And the terrorists.
I make people fall in love with me.
And just when they're snuggled
Into me and my love
I take it away.
And leave them for dead.

I just want
To be able to have him
And him
And her
And him.
I'm a needy greedy
Grabby jealous *****.
So what?
Love me.

Don't let me in
Don't trust me
Don't love me
This might be real for you
But to me it's all
Play pretend.

It's a scary thing to know
That you're goin nowhere in life
And you will end up
As a burnout
A fat piggy *****
Laying on the side of the street
Because you were too in love
To notice happiness.

And I'm balancing on a tightrope
Happiness on the other side
Urging me too my feet
But beneath the tightrope
Is a hell I've fallen into way too many times
Good god
Let me be
Let me be free
Even though I'm falling

I'm so empty
Inside.
All I want is to love someone.
But it's like I can't feel anymore.

He tells me to tell him
When I am sad
But then I'd be telling him
Every day
Every hour
Every minute and second
I would tell him how I wished
I was dead
And he wouldn't understand
My sadness
And then he'd leave

He likes it when I arch my back
And ask him to give me more
He likes it when I gag on him
And shove down even more
He likes it when I bite my lip
And tease him a little more
He likes it when I cry silently
And don't open up to him any more.

And she barely even looks at me
This girl I'm in love with
Walks right by me and into
Her new lovers arms

Today makes it 3 months
For me and him
But I'm crying cause that means
It's 2 months for
Her and her

I could stick a blade
In my arm
And drag it across my skin
And not feel a thing

All those Disney movies
And love stories
Are lies!
The book never ends
With a break up

And I loved her with all my heart
My soul and body
But all my love
Is nothing
Compared to hers.
My love is worthless
Standing next to
Her love.
She is better.
Brighter.

Ill take a pair of scissors
To my face
And a blade to my wrists
Not an inch of my skin
Will be perfect
After this

I'm scared to death
Of next month
Of spending our 2 year
Anniversary
All alone

What if?
What if I cut my long blond hair off
And died the rest of it black?
What if I pulled my eyeliner
Around my eyes and etched it into
My eyelids?
What if I wore all black?
With bright, blood red lipstick.
And drew big red angry lines
That looked like cracks
Across my skin with a razor blade?
Then, maybe then,
The crazy on my outside
Would reflect the crazy
In my head

Im fine*
Falls out of my mouth
So easily
The words no longer
Hold meaning

God you made me think my own father wouldn't love me
And now it's too late
She is with someone better than me now
Someone that's actually skinny
And so beautiful and tan
And she can dance
And she is wonderful
I hate her
I hate her
It's too late
I hate you

If there's one thing I learned
About being in love while being young
Is
They
Won't
Stay.
You can go ahead and show them every single part of you and you can make promises of "forever and ever" and you can feel complete in their arms but somehow some way
They
Won't
Stay.
So go ahead. Show them.
Show your "true" lover your scars.
Show them your ugliness inside.
They won't stay.
They never do.

I floss my gums
Until they bleed
And smile a big toothy grin
While Watching my red spit

You made me think my own father wouldn't love me.
im sorry.
I just want to go to bed now.
okay, can I have a hug?
No.

I cannot cry twice in a day
Over a relationship
That ended seven months ago
But here I am
Wiping away the tears
Terrified that next month
Was suppose to be
Our 2 year.
And we won't spend it together.

I woke up today and I knew.
There was no way I'd make it through
My school day.
So I throw up my anxiety
And my mother thinks I'm
Truly sick.
I cry myself to sleep
And wake up
Numb

I wonder if you still love me. If you still care about me. I know Angel is better, but do you still think about me? Is there any chance in the world left that I could be with you again? We can close our eyes and pretend these past 7 months didn't happen.

I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU.