It's been a long time since me and mykayla have been together. Been even longer since we could say "forever".

His lips are at my hips
Oh sweet boy
Your tongue will be
My demise

I'm wrapped up in his arms
His kiss
His smile
This is the only time
That I don't feel alone

I wake up with
Last nights ghosts behind my eyes
Look around the room
And all I see is gray

I hate myself so much
I only let them **** me in the dark

I want to be dead so much
But I'm too scared about
What the afterlife is
If it even exists

I want to be gone
But if I'm dead
It won't matter
If they miss me cause
I won't be there to see it

He says he doesn't understand why I read all the time to escape. Says when the book ends, the fairy tale dream you're living in while reading ends.
doesn't he get it?
When I'm reading its one less minute, one less hour of wanting to **** myself.

I'm an unfinished
Sentence with horrid spelling
And strange punctuation
But if you read me
You feel the emotion
Puslsing out between the letters

I feel your touch ******* everywhere
Get off my skin
And my lips
Leave me like the rest of you did
I don't want you anymore
SHE is all over you
I can't do it can't lay down
With a ghost of your arm draped around me

I wrap his arms around me
Let him touch me
Where I wouldn't let him touch
Before
Let him in
Let him feel me
Let his fingerprints
Leave stains on my neck
And inbetween my legs

Why is it I still feel you
On my skin,
And not him?

Inside me
There's a little
Girl
Sitting in
My heart
With her head
Between her knees
And her
Heart carved out
of her chest
Inside me
There's a little
Girl
Screaming to get out
Yet begging
To hide
All
At
The
Same
Time.

I cannot let her out.
She will destroy me,
This little
Girl
Inside my
Heart.

Don't say you love me
I cannot love you back
I cannot love myself
I cannot catch your fall.

I saw you today
And I realized I didn't know
Who you were anymore.
How is it I can know everything
Yet nothing all at the same time?
I didn't know what time you got up
Or if you ate breakfast
I don't know if you went to work
Or got groceries after school
I don't know if you cried last night
Or did your homework.
I know your family.
That you love your ears being kissed.
You love my hands.
I know you like to sing
But don't think your good enough.
I wish I knew you
Like I did back then.
Because now it's like
You're a stranger
And that's something
I never thought you'd be.
You don't belong to me anymore.

He's mine she's mine
You're mine they're mine
I'm a greedy jealous
Grabby little *****

I feel like I'm cheating
When I kiss him
Or hold his hand
I feel so guilty
When I'm happy
And content in his arms
I feel like I'm cheating
On you with him
And all the things you do for her
You never did with me
Makes me feel justified
My ****** up head
My ****** up life
***** this

I didn't know I could hate something so much.
I hate it.
I hate it.
I hate it.
Dear God, help me.

If they could see inside my head
Tears would be spilled
In fact I don't think anybody
At all on earth
Would love me anymore.

Earbuds in and
Let the blood out
Let the crazy drip
In scarlet droplets
Down my hip

"Hermosa, you're not actually thinking about it are you?"
What? Cutting? Yes. My wrist has been throbbing for some blood. For some **** relief. I like the perfect long cuts yes I do oh yes I like the blood in my shower drain. I think about it every time I see her and HER together mi corazon. Lociento. I cannot help it. My head aches right along with my heart oh Ray make it go away please please

******* SHE IS SUPPOSED TO BE MINE DO YOU UNDERSTAND?? MINE. NOT YOURS. SHE IS SUPPOSED TO LOOK CUTE FOR ME. SHE IS SUPPOSED TO COOK BREFAST FOR ME. GOD ******* ******. She's supposed to be mine, mine, mine.

Is it normal to still be crying
To still have tears in your throat
Where your boyfriends ****
Was just yesterday?
Is it normal to kiss
And only think about her kiss
Her hands
Her soft yet demanding love
I'm enraptured I'm captured
I'm mesmerized and entranced
I've loved and lost
But never quite like this
I'm head over heels
For her smile and her touch
I'm desperate and sick
I'm needy and I've got to have her
******* I'm still in love.
Still in love.
With her.

It's been a month-
Do you love him?

....

How could I?
How am I even alive without being with her?

Five months, lindsey.
Five. You should be over this by now.

....

Give me a couple weeks.
No, months.
No, years.
Give me the best distraction
I've ever seen...
Maybe then. Maybe then
I won't be so lost.

You're hopeless.

....

I know.

First man I've ever seeked
****** approval from
No other guy has laughed
When I touched his belt

Without her
I'm thrown into this huge sea
Of firsts.

Its okay if you cant be with me, I understand.
I'm still in love with her.
In fact, sometimes I wish you were her.
so its okay, I get it.

When I see Mykayla with her arms around HER
I snarl in my head 'MINE'
When SHE laughs and kisses Mykayla's cheek
I snarl in my head 'MINE'
When I see them kissing
The tears on my cheeks are crying 'MINE'
That arm is supposed to be around me
I'm the one that's supposed to kiss her cheek
I'm the one that Mykayla's supposed to kiss
I'm the one, ******.
She's MINE.

Too soon, oh too soon
did the bird leave her nest.
She flapped her wings,
Imagined she could fly.
Ne'er knew what failing would bring...
Until she hit the ground
With her last despairing cry.

And I guess I kind of like
His big tan calloused hands
I like his stubble on his cheeks
I love it when he whispers
"Mi hermosa" in my ear
Because I am his beautiful then
I love it when his hands go around
My waist and he pulls me against
His sturdy chest
I like laying on a blanket
With him because
My head is on his chest
And his heart is
Still beating fast

Yes, my jealousy
Certainly does
Whisper the cruelest things
Into my ear.
It holds my heart so tightly
It makes it hurt.
It touches my stomach
And it's as if it is curdling milk
Turning sour and hard under
Jealousy's touch.
It makes me feel
The most unimaginable
Evils in my head
And uses my fingers
To type the words
I never could say,
stay away.
Because the thought of you
And her
Makes me jealous.
Makes me hate a part
Of myself I didn't even know was there.

We all say the
Internal pain
Of loss, love, and jealousy
Are unbearable--
Yet we keep them
On our backs every day.
We let them whisper
Things in our ears
And hold our hearts.
We fall asleep thinking of them
Of the loss
Or
Love
Or jealousy.
They are bearable.
Only because they are a part of us,
A part of us that we like to
Say doesn't exist.

Im so ******* tired
Of my house
And it's 1900s
Morals
No *** till marriage
They say
No dating a girl
They say
No dating a black guy
They say
Well
*******
I can love who I want.

I hate this
I hate myself
I hate that we changed
That we had to heal
Had to separate
I feel it in my blood
We are different

What's wrong?
What's wrong oh god whats wrong everything is wrong
Nothing is right
Unless I'm being held by someone
I cry for you
My souls reaches to you

I don't think either of us can do this anymore
I don't think it's healthy
Or okay
To be with eachother at morning
And someone else during the day

Can't you tell
I'm always going to want you?
You could leave me now
For depression and death
You could leave me now
For a hundred years
And I could fall in love
A million times
And get married
And have kids
But when I see you
Even if I'm old and gray
I'd still take your wrinkled hand in mine and kiss it.
Whisper
"oh darling how I've missed you so"
In your ear
And think *finally

My arms tell a story nobody likes to hear

I kissed her and she tasted
Like cigarettes and the
Gucci guilty she uses to cover the smell
She tasted like regret and tears
She tasted like desperacy
As if she'd never kiss my lips again
And her tongue was so sweet
Pressed against mine
Softly moving
She and I, we feel the same.
Except maybe im
Just a little more numb.

I'm still so
Lost
Inside my
Emotions

I don't even know
What to feel anymore

If I'm being honest
I think my
***** is outweighing
My heart or head.

We sit together
On a bridge that goes over a river
From the mountains
At 11pm at night.
She chain smoked her whole
Pack of camels
And we are still in
Our dresses.
I can tell she wants to cry
But it's the kind of sadness
That doesn't let you cry,
It just let's you crumble.
And I look up
At the sky
Wearing her necklace
And the stars are out,
It's beautifully dark
And the rushing water
Roars in my ears.
Her heartbreaker
Sits in the backseat
Of her car,
Asking a midnight
Spur of the moment lover
To come pick her up.
All I want to do is scream.

I HAVE TO WORK
SO *******
HARD
TO GET A GUY TO LIKE ME
AND THEN
SHE SWOOPS IN
******* AND ALL
AND TAKES HIM
UGH MOTHER*******

You're beautiful.
I love you.
I love you and you're beautiful
I couldn't care less
About
Jacob or Luke
Or whoever comes along
Because you're beautiful
And I love you.
I love playful kisses
And I love watching you dance
I love you and you're beautiful
So beautiful it hurts for a second
And then I look at you
And realize
Im right here, next to you.
And I realize
I don't want anybody but you.
**** the others.
You're beautiful
And
I
Love
YOU.

Because I need you
That's all I know
Oh my god
I need you
I need to kiss you
In front of everybody
I need to hold you
While your walking
To let everybody know
That I can have
Something as beautiful as you

I should move on
But I can't think of
You kissing somebody
The way you kiss me
I hate the fact
That you weren't the one

Hey there lonely girl
Did you have to tell your friends
About the way I got you screaming
My name?

You could do
Whatever you wanted to me.
And I'd still come back.

Best friends don't
Date each others
Past loves.

I need you.
I need you so much.
You are where my self worth is,
Where my happiness starts.
Where my sadness ends.
You make me feel
Alive
In the best of ways
And when I'm not around you
I feel
Dead.
Don't you understand?
I need you.
For everything good in life.

Not too fat
But not that ****
A normal sized ***
And normal sized *****
Regular bottle blonde
And normal feet.
Kind of large thighs
And my arms are larger
Than I want them to be.

Everything about me
Is
Forgettable.

I promise I'm trying
To be perfect skinny
Like she can
To make my ***
Perfect like she can
To roll my hips like she can
I promise I'm trying
To make your jaw hit
The floor
Like she can.

Another drunken hook up
With a person I know all too well
Another "can't do that again"
And regret burning in my chest
I wish Friday night would
Rewind
Hell, I wish
May 27th would rewind.
I need her, ******!
I need her.

How many times
Can a heart be broken?
When will I feel loved?
When will she stop hurting me?

"Love? Most of all I believe in love. Love is like oxygen, it lifts you up where you belong! All you need is love."

"A life without love? Why, that's horrible! A life without love is no life at all!"

"Freedom, beauty, trust, and love."

"Come what may, I will love you till the end of time."

"I hope you don't mind that I put down in words, how wonderful life is now you're in the world."

"I was made for loving you baby you were made for loving me."