~

Silent sentence

The silence is deafening
pounding this cartoon anvil
lodged somewhere in my head
echoing through empty chambers

A loud dose of nothing
calls to me in voiced undertones
resonating with the volume
of butterfly wings pinned to a board

My clouded eyes look,
hoping my ears are mistaken
wishing for only a sound
vibrating in this vast glass hallway

Wave lengths in shorter shadows
collect on mesh grilles
protecting weathered speakers
cracked and taped…yellowed

Tiny dots felt of faulting fingers
braile’d emotions screaming
along a page of discomfort…blistering,
dog eared for no reason at all

Stillness…that is all…stillness
no wind, no color, no movement,
as I wait for this that shall not come
alone…perhaps unheard by others

This it seems shall be my existence,
written in quiet ink…invisible to most
no lemon juice tricks this time
as I serve my sentence…in silence

I want to write you a song, but I shouldn't. I want sing these words, but I couldn't. I want to make you smile, but I wouldn't. I want to write you a letter, but how would I put it? I can't even help myself, so how can I help you? I can't stop lying to me, so how do I remain true to you? I'd give anything not to be useless, but my efforts are fruitless to be nothing but ruthless. I think now's a good time. I'll just leave everyone behind and for a while I'll just be mine and I can finally be safe in my mind without these demons inside screaming, "JUST DIE!" Just let me be me, and please, leave me be. For now at least. I'll be back, but don't expect to walk on me. Not again.

There are petals in my lungs
I have roots instead of veins
Soaked in rainwater, dancing in the sunlight
I am beautifully photosynthesized

~

5:37 am

5:37 am…the morning is silent,
eerily so that I can hear nothing
louder than I ever have before
Not a bird sings as the sun still sleeps
outside of this four walled solitude
Slowly drinking a cup of coffee,
wondering why I even exist

5:42 am…staring into the dark spaces
surrounding my mind like elastic memories
While I write these words
of absolutely no reason,
as if they will heal somehow, take the pain
scatter it upon horizons
that no longer have meaning

5:46 am…somehow I enjoy this silence
Seeing my shadow below,
head in hands on the surface of my desk,
painting charcoal pictures of loneliness,
listening to key strokes breaking the quiet,
hoping this faux ink erases the past,
yet I believe nothing can…5:51 am

At one time, for a time
The flowers danced beside me
The fields swayed with the music of our hearts

At one time, for a time
My heart was overflowing
Knowing love would never leave us part

At one time, for a time
There never was a question
Doubt was simply a word we never felt

At one time, for a time
The ugly glistened lovely
For through your eyes the darkness seemed to melt

At one time, for a time
The ladybug would giggle
As it flew in loops around your smile

At one time, for a time
Your love would heal my sadness
Oh to live that one time, for awhile