How foolish of me,
all these days I've been
running after my destiny,
falling in ***** ditches,
tumbling in dingy pits,
stooping to levels low.
If only I could have agnized
that destiny is like shadow.
Created with me
in mother's womb.
Can only be chased,
never can be seized.
So now I've decided,
I will climb the mountains
following my dreams
and my destiny
will follow me.

People pass by me,
   from all  every direction
even in winter snow.

From exhausted firemen,
      expectant mothers,
               forgotten children,
         marathon sprinters.
    Even grumbling men carrying heavy, ancient computer printers.

Each have their share and take their turn on me, the local sheltered, secluded
seat.
Even if only for a deep breath and a break or a little body
heat.
    
   Bags and books, all sorts of things have been dropped or left on me, proposals have even happened here, you
name it.
If you don't believe it, come see for yourself and
frame it.

Although you sit in a room that is gray,
Except for the silver
Of the straw-paper,
And pick
At your pale white gown;
Or lift one of the green beads
Of your necklace,
To let it fall;
Or gaze at your green fan
Printed with the red branches of a red willow;
Or, with one finger,
Move the leaf in the bowl--
The leaf that has fallen from the branches of the forsythia
Beside you...
What is all this?
I know how furiously your heart is beating.

Never think that dead leaves cannot speak.
Words can be uttered without mouth or beak.
Come in heard to hear and they'll remain mum.
To hear them in solitude you need to come.

Loneliness and silence are their best friend.
You can listen only if truth you seek and intend.
If you've mind and heart to listen, men of clay!
Words more worthy than living they can say.

If your heart is strong and if you have no fear.
Then in storms they are very loud, very clear.
And if your heart is weak in breeze come near.
Truth of this life they will whisper in your ear.

In my dreams I sweat
For our destiny is set
Of you, thoughts are fed
Let this lust find words said

I feel alive because of you
Forgetting pain I went through
Let our worlds clash, collide
Come, submit to my dark side

To you, my ways may seem strange
But this man can never change
Quench this burning desire
Be with me and ignite this fire

Tonight will belong with a cost
Fury of something once lost
Give in, be my blinding light
For we now belong to the night

It's hard to say
When the first onset
Of insecurities
Had taken place

Was it at 17?
When I stared deep
Into the mirror
Despising the reflection?

Was it at 15?
When I dug my fingernails
Into the side of my thigh
When he made me feel like used garbage?

Was it at 13?
When I showed
My mom that award
And it was carelessly tossed on the table?

Was it at 11?
When the snickers
Of my classmates
Reached my heart?

Was it at 9?
When I watched
Mother try to desperately
Cover her imperfections with powder?

Self love?
Self love?
Self love can't dwindle away
When it never existed.

And now at the age
Of barely 20,
I've been searching
The ground
For a speck
Of confidence
And trying my best
To piece together
A backbone
That I never had.

You gorgeous creatures
delicate powder brushed faces
behind those large dark sunglasses
casually smoking
with your legs crossed
I'd burn my icarus wings
to catch the scent
of your perfume