I want
To breathe
To understand
What's wrong with me
I feel like this is temporary
This
newness
But I know it's permanent
The loneliness
I keep going
but I don't want to

Should I open my eyes?
Should I face reality?
The reality that I'll always have this feeling?
This unstoppable, overwhelming, consuming, sickening feeling of being alone?

Maybe I should just
Accept it.
I know
I know I'm gonna be alone.
That no one's gonna love me.
That I'm never gonna be good enough for anyone.

Everything
That comes out my pen
My brain
And my wrists
Unsatisfying
Just simply
Not enough
It hard
To feel proud
When its nothing
But trash

Walls I've never seen
Floors I've never touched
Slight hostility and indifference
Dance like steam in the air
Blue eyes
Refuse to look at me
My only anchor
Abandoning me
Scared
And confused
I need you here
But you've forgotten
The truth we made

Sweet
Little
******
Boy
Let me wipe your face
Stand up
And smile
Your pretty smile of grace
Sweet
Little
******
Boy
You will be alright
I will hold you closely
And tell you in stories at night
Sweet
Little
******
Boy
I promise I will love you
And I swear
On my life
I won't let anyone touch you