my mind is in knots.
there are so many twists and turns
that I can’t seem to follow
and I’m getting frustrated.
where is the start and where is the end?
and why is it so confusing?
i can’t sit still—my legs want to get up and go
but my brain is too tired for that right now.
i stay seated and try to untangle what is
the big grey lump in my skull, trying to figure out what it’s trying to say.
but it’s illegible and i can’t,
like a foreign language I don’t recognize.
hopefully as i spill out on to what was a blank sheet of paper i can break through those knots and maybe comprehend the load of thoughts running through and around each other in the space of my body that has been assigned to them.
i only wish i knew for certain that there would finally be a break through and that i will know what I should be knowing.
gathering myself might help as I feel as if
i’m spread across a massive surface that
i can’t seem to find all the pieces of myself on.
but how can I find myself when I barely know myself?
when i find out, i’ll let you know.
This is an edited and shorter version of a very messy poem I wrote in high school. So like 8+ years ago.