He loves me
a love deeper than anything
a love I can't fully reciprocate
which is a strange feeling
because I'm used to
loving more
loving deeper
loving with everything
and to think
that He
loves me more than I can comprehend?
that is a strange feeling.
to be loved like that

Sometimes
the only way to describe the sky
is that it looks like a dream

it all feels like disease and i want to strip my bones raw; manic
(sugar rush deity)

what am i to you… what are you to me, aside from endearing silhouettes; pixie
(mumbling shy songs)

in an ocean of violents in bloom we speak artificial prayer; dream
(cloaked in starry-eyed acapella—thats what they think, no?)

i surrender to your clarity and intensity and charm and beauty that my hands are too numb and dull to touch; girl

and then comes wrath: a dewy vileness teetering on the brink of your 9th life
now hell has harnessed my chest, for it is with deep regret and shaky sobs that every opening and crack in my body emits rotten remains of our silent war…

but there are still heartfelts i never mustered up the courage to let go of:

thank you for tip-toeing around broken strings to reach out once more, twice more
thank you for enduring my futile voyages through resentment
thank you for soaking all my insanity in like sunlight and excreting back out a gentle rainfall

constantly caught
in contradiction
the want
to take in everything
and never close my eyes
and the longing
to keep them shut forever

i guess it's the affection
for two respective distractions
one conscious
the other not
i wish for silence as i wish for anything;
a sliver of hope
and a hefty helping of pessimistic realism

distraction from what? they ask
oh i don't know
but if i were to ponder a guess
id say mere existence
id suppose, perhaps,
a distraction from everything in me
everything in my mind
which is me in essence
what is a person without mind?
an entity of nothingness
molecules clumped together haphazardly
and meaninglessly
~

sweet i felt when i saw the lights
twinkling with feelings of love and romance
draped everywhere within my sight
i watched the people dance
evening set in and brighter the lights glow
beautiful all looked among the snow

winter is warm within my heart
the brick walk greeted me kindly
the whole place was a wonderful work of art
and it loved me unconfindly
the music played as i strolled along
unfamiliar and foreign but i felt that i belong

the lights shined as stars in the sky
twinkling soft and consistent and calm
they glowed so strongly yet so shy
they sang to me a song
they danced just as the people did
and from these lights reality hid

so when i think of calm and bliss
and my mind wanders away
i dream of scenes and places like this
and the smell of the warm cafe
tempted i am again for a dance
for the mood of the night that had me in a trance