im taking drugs like im taking breaths,
staying alive is harder than i expected.

i see no point in investing my energies where they are not appreciated or understood.
i will not tirelessly try to make my presence known when there is not a spec of effort to acknowledge.
i have no interest in stroking dying egos
or watering plants that are complacent in their withering.
i will not make a space for what intentionally brings me to my knees, no matter the emptiness i suffer.
-
alone or accompanied,
i am living.
free & fearlessly,
wearing armor made of distance.
moving carelessly,
no regrets
& no resistance.
still
you are not worthy,
but you are who you are.

pay attention to the signs.
stay and listen,
you will find that the war is in your mind.
& you’re running out of time.
so spread love & be kind.

i know you see the light, though its dim.
product of lies, coated in sin.
afraid to reveal what's within.
the truth is near,
the truth is here.

don't alter my reality,
or fill me with your insanity.
you hide things from me,
but i am here to say.
i am the truth, i know the way.
20 years later, trying to understand.
what am i? what is hu-man?
is there more to me?
is there more to see?

oh, earth. what have they done to you?
creatures of the earth, what did they do?
out of touch with nature,
too in touch with mankind.
too programmed to re-focus,
too ignorant, too blind.
why do i feel like im living a lie?

i seek truth, & the more i seek the less i discern.

greater a creation than what you see.
great is the creator, in you & me.
find your way, find your truth.
find your light, find your youth.

curled up,
eyes shut
with my back facing reality.
go unnoticed til you seek a source of
mutable mentality.
then you glimpse me at the corner of your eyes;
on accident,
on purpose,
by surprise?
or maybe by coincidence.
in a state,
sinking in a sunken place
eager to stand still
but the world, it never waits..

your words sound good but do you really mean them?
you act unruffled to hoes,
but i swear its like you need them.
you love the thought of me alone but you won't ever leave them.

funny, you said you want me..
& tho i kept it real you found it hard to trust me.
& now you frontin' other girls thinking that its gon' hurt me.
but what happens if i hurt you?
i have careless ways that can hurt too.
i have things that i can do that can make you revert to
who you are afraid of becoming again.
i told you you were bluffing, we were better as friends.
but you still went so far out of your way to pretend.

saw straight through your lies,
why you lied?
claim that you were different.
but you're the same as any guy,
any guy that lies,
just another ***** in disguise.
conceal my cries.
cause i won't shed a tear for you.
hope them hoes be there for you,
hope they love & care for you.

you so shady & you swear that you a real *****,
let me jab at your ego,
you aint **** lets keep it real *****.
i was the only real you knew,
bet you regret playing games
like i regret falling for you.

of course id see it different,
everything is different on the inside.
looking out from the inside,
looking out for what's inside because
what's within is what's without...
-
its a secret society
built on trust and mutuality
all we got is us and all we got is everything
because everything is everything.
-

wether written in a book
or on a wall within your mind palace,
where the god is king
& angels lay at front doors.
where guards come a plenty,
sometimes too many so it come across as shady
to anyone too wavy not to innerstand collective.
yet still overstand connectivity
& longevity
& legacy.
=
beyond the excellence of hue,
i see your view.
beyond the level of my make believe,
i stand as true to word & order.
the goddess mother,
the god is mother,
father,
trinity.
3:11 & 12:27 times;
how many bars can hold these rhymes?
guess again...

the great mother has awakened,
she feels neglected and forsaken;
she's reclaiming
all you've taken.
all her children are awaking
to the essence
and the nature of creator.
earth is preparing for a time,
the force is greater.
-
with suns returning,
the dark moon is wading.
land masses rising,
and history fading.
-
you feel the heat of all the
energies increasing,
we've reached the end of
false doctrines and teachings.
corruption and society shall fall by the hands
of the goddesses and gods,
the healers of the land.
unity,
duality,
the truth in mythicality
shall merge into one.
when all is said
and all is done;
the true rulers of the land will stand tall,
never again to waver,
never again to fall.
-
welcome to the age of Aquarius.

don’t get so lost in all your struggles that you forget about your dreams;
don’t let what’s temporary phase you, cause life is more than what it seems.
don’t let your happiness be determined by the income you receive,
& know that all good things in life are yours if you can just believe ✨

what will you do without social connections
or material possessions?
without the food source
and food stores that cater to convenience but **** you slowly..
when will you realize your thoughts and habits,
they wreak havoc…
-
systems are falling,
what is strong will survive.
judgement is here and
no one man alive will escape her,
you’re in face of the mother of the nature of the earth.

soo much positive vibes,
im elevating
to peace of mind,
im evolving.
i free my mind in a higher place.
i need my time,
i need my space.
i am sublime,
can’t find a trace of me,
anywhere.
i am only here.
i am light & love,
sowing seeds of ever promise.
ill make you aware,
help you to see the seeds you’ve harvest.

its not a lover i need to fulfill my desires,
it is a partner consistent in growing through the madness
and only seeing its potential.

i am a perky little,
quirky little,
misjudged little wild flame.
i am a fairytale believing,
pain relieving flower from the earth.
i am from a planet where we,
we do not even see
just how blessed we can be.
we don’t see the values,
we misuse our energy.
& we are crying out,
when we should be crying in...

there is a light way up above,
way up above
the universe, it shows me love.
yeah, i am love.

i make strangers of the people i meet.
i make enemies of the ones i love..

am i too old to fall back into the feelings i felt in my younger years?
am i too grown to take a razor to my wrist,
to dismiss all of my fears.
what a chilling reunion that would be.
am i too old to fall apart?
i am too old to not have my **** together.
at 21, depression is mindset.
**** it up at 21.
you wore sadness so well at 14,
15,
16,
17,
18,
19,
20.
it’s getting old, give it up.
sadness never lasts that long,
ignore the voices in your head,
you’re a big girl,
move on.
though my demons never went away,
i simply got used to them poking at my heart,
taunting my mind,
mocking my progress.
how far am i behind?

when mind feels threatened,
it sends out signals to the guards
to stand upright
& look aware,
as if we aren't already far gone enough.
-
i know,
its your job to protect and defend,
so i can practice as much of the zen
as i allow;
mind will do what it must.