the girl that only shares emotions with pens and pages,
or a sudden craze;
the girl once counted out
& counted days...
who knew freedom would actually come.
"drown it out with music",
drowned in unamusement.
& now her smile isnt the same...
but in a good way.
jealousy turned acceptance,
hatred turned soft.
the flame in her eyes that caused a kundalini rise
but its a good thing.
now suddenly i have eyes that see in layers
& the ground has found its steadiness.
all my truths are written in stone,
never changing in context but always gaining new depth.
im taking drugs like im taking breaths,
staying alive is harder than i expected.
ill strip my soul of its value and place it on your crown,
ill bow to your highness
if you'll never let me down.
and i want to be ruled.
string me by my neck with ropes of promise
and potential slaughter if i might ever stray away from the likes or thought of
you alone are all i would ever need if you alone would make a space for me,
find a home and find a place in me.
my juices flow openly,
please never let go of me.
spill yourself and
let your scent linger throughout my depth so that i can find my way back to you.
this energy speaks for itself,
sometimes it takes full control,
with cheat codes,
to unlock my beast mode...
i will always find my way back to you.
my essence can heal you
just show me the real you.
ive grown and
i want to be grown for you,
in ways that make your manhood come alive.
sometimes im a child but still..
im mutable and if you will try to change me,
i might consider.
my daddy left scars and traces of a fragrance
that demands a space to fill
or a space to spill emotions and ink
and feelings that link to you.
he uses "nothing lasts forever" as excuse
to leave me secret,
and seeking truth.
im left possessive,
drunk on poison,
begging for another hit,
another "not quite, but close"
another dose of what's stiff
and what fits perfectly like it was created just for me.
what's for me,
is for me.
my spirit calls
my spirit speaks through writings on walls.
im still chained to third dimension,
it keeps me lowly.
im still caught up,
my attention is on all
that kills me slowly.
i thought that this was holy grounds,
now the grounds have divided.
somethings happening beneath the ground,
new stars have been ignited.
"ive never seen this much stars"...
i can say the very same.
the time is only here and now,
the earth has made her claim.
i cant decide if where i am is healthy
in the sense of burning flames,
and all the names that come along with particular things.
i cant decide if im in love with you or
with who ive painted you to be
in my latest piece of the lord and the lover.
im attached to the god in you,
distant from the parts of you that are learned and programmed
by the hands of destroyers of land,
the hue that keeps man in a color block that separates and desolates,
believe or not
im desperate for hands to hold
and a touch that knows when and where,
that wouldn't dare to let me linger for long...
inconsistency is a close friend of mine.
we argue like husband and wife,
can we ever agree on anything?
we compete with mood swings and incomplete projects..
ill try to save the world
although i take way too long to make a decision,
procrastination holds me weak
and inconsistency is a close friend of mine..
love is like..
too many different types.
too many different lefts.
too many different rights..
ive spent more time with my face stained on pillows and
my eyes in holes dug deep.
ive had connections with perceptions of who they claim to be devil,
devious ties to dangerous disguised as razors and knives
holding my wrists at gun point;
at some point ive died like a thousand times,
is this a sign?
for years ive wondered where my spark went,
and how my dark went from dark as 'night'
ive wondered why my poems had only rhythm and surface,
barely passion or purpose.
barely wrote anything so everything stayed glued to my insides
and slowly ate away all sense of everything.
im reckless and
i move slow because ill make a mess of anything
ive tried to silence the violence by confiding in figures
and shadows that cared only for what made little to no common-sense at all.
ive tried to salvage my balance by breathing in and out,
choosing different routes,
using words of mouth &
running far away from faces that were all too familiar.
my family ties are all deeply rooted in the lies of who i swore to be &
its the sickest of humor how who i swore to be is nowhere close to who i am.
not looking for a lover...
only someone unafraid to become again.
aware of dangers, depth and death;
still in motion though curiosity poses as a threat.
live presently in every moment;
as you embrace every expression
and explore every direction
without concern and without question because its destined...
with no need for a mirror to determine my reflection,
she shows me who i am,
and the nature of my essence.
without influence or judgement.
without stagnance or a bit of hesitation.
honored to be mother.
of course id see it different,
everything is different on the inside.
looking out from the inside,
looking out for what's inside because
what's within is what's without...
its a secret society
built on trust and mutuality
all we got is us and all we got is everything
because everything is everything.
be mindful of the spaces unclear
and of what you might share
with those whom appear to be who they are not.
those that come off trimmed and polished
but their insides are rot.
gotta go ghost,
running from a host of parasites.
parasites that want my light
and my vision,
they need my sight
and so they fight against me
with side eyes and envy.
they say that kind hearts come last,
i speak present talk and leave the past behind me.
no words can define me,
im a symbol of divine.
never questioning my mind
or what's mine...
i gain favor from the innocence,
cleansed of all the inner sins,
tapped into whats imminent.
connected to my inner sense.
i realize that you will be who you are
and i am comfortable enough within myself
to allow you to express all that lies within you..
because who am i to try to change you?
after realizing my worth,
ive realized that nothing is worth enough to disrupt my peace.
i move away from what no longer serves me
or deserves me.
i wait on divine actions to arise before i consider your place in my space...
are you here to give or take?
for mine or for your sake?
for mind, soul or warm embrace?
you see im powerful,
still you see only half.
so make your choice
i hate to make you choose
but its them or its me.
not in fear of or in face of an ego or some pride,
just protecting whats inside ..
it can all be so simple if we would just stop..
if we would stop trying to figure out 'solutions' that only add to the problems we've created and allow natural processes to take place.
do nothing, stand back and let the world heal itself because everything we try to do
does more harm than it helps..
to be honest,
if we were to be wiped clean from the face of the earth,
the evolution of creation new and ancient
would be beyond anything we can imagine.
i cant say that im ready to call it quits
or return to non-exist
but i am so tired of barely keeping it together.
i want to escape but where?
im seeing things unclear,
my only space of comfort is no longer here.
as i attempt to live present in each moment,
im trying to stay open;
holding onto all that's left
still wishing and still hoping
that all things will come together by the good that is in me.
my life is far beyond my understanding and
im having visions of living in a space that associates in no way,
shape or form with what stands before me...
this cannot be all that there is to my story;
so what is my purpose?
is it deeper than surface?
im asking ,
how do i disconnect from the madness
and cultivate the magic?
how do i save myself and save the world,
to them im just a little girl with dreams of change and all things strange...
as things start to fall
and things start to fade.
its out with the old,
as a new light invades.
what seemed like tragedy
proved itself to be clarity.
insanity brought the most rare form of sanity
and im watching nations crumble,
fumble and fear.
as light beings start to appear and prepare for the shifting of poles
the switching of roles...
moon-light monster seeking out the dark,
channeling destruction leaving nothing,
not a mark.
searching for parts and pieces or paths where peace is.
your access to the presence of the gods has been denied.
your weapons cannot prosper,
they may form,
i know you've tried.
hit the vape,
now im in space.
im having urges to escape
and there are new feels
in place of the old.
there's no trace of my role as hero,
my highest ground is zero.
ive rested and still
i went from writing ten pages
im trying to run
but the forces wont let me,
they guide and protect me.
they'll make you respect me if you dare to disrepect me..
dead bodies everywhere,
just like they were before.
focal points are focused on connection and a poor
state of existence,
know nothing of existing
in a space beyond this place
filled with disgrace
and the misplaced.
to stay here in this moment
or fast-forward a million light years ...
into the age
where whats small is praised and glorified;
everyone has crooked smiles
and there are miles and miles of peace and purity;
everything is in black and white but color is all we see..
idk if its just me but i want to explore...
i want to know more.
im losing my mind..
but for some reason when i look close enough i see a glimpse of what i once considered
all of the new beginnings i begged for; on bended knees with so much hope and surety, are so close in reach but so far from logic...
this physical life re-created by men
fueling false perceptions
look outside your window,
is it god that you see?
or is it just
"winds and rain,
and it should be over soon..."
if you might live to see another day,
i encourage you to live a different way
for you are not pleasing under the eye.
disconnect yourself from what keeps you scheduled
re-connect to the source from which you came.
what will you do without social connections
or material possessions?
without the food source
and food stores that cater to convenience but **** you slowly..
when will you realize your thoughts and habits,
they wreak havoc…
systems are falling,
what is strong will survive.
judgement is here and
no one man alive will escape her,
you’re in face of the mother of the nature of the earth.
face your judgement,
you’re in question.
run for cover,
seek protection if you want
but this is destined.
wash us clean,
wipe away all signs of weakness.
its on purpose that you are here,
placing all in account.
no matter where you run and hide,
no matter age or amount.
who dare fall back into old ways of being?
waging war through winds,
no sign of stillness in the distance...
spewing words as clear as day,
"change your ways"...
its been far too long
you’ve stood stagnant in fear.
watching creation fall apart by the hands of you
and all who claim to be who they are not.
forget the old and start anew.
your life was spared,
do you know why?
do you know who?
i feel her pain,
i know her name,
we have stolen her heart.
we have reached the point of desolation,
get on your mark.
i made a friend out of fire,
fire burns without desire
and yearns for no companion,
its okay alone.
i see how it moves,
i see how it sways,
and seeks to destroy if it is betrayed...
i cant be amongst you to recreate you;
when you see me all you see is yourself.
all you see is your current situation,
the falling of a nation
that fell before it ever even fell.
too many spells casted,
too many guns blasted,
too many things drastic,
too many not matching the flow & the way.
so shine your light,
lead the way.
change your life,
change your ways.
this is life,
if you see it with the eye,
and you feel it with the mind
then you free it with the heart
and connect the broken lines.
one with the earth,
you are aligned,
you are in touch.
you'll rise again,
you'll be okay,
What's time and distance but a measurement,
measuring moments that never last but can stick with you forever.
A simple range of reference,
how you take the moments in life is your preference.
The pleasures in life don't lie in things, but the events.
The 'present' moment is a gift,
all that matters is right here.
Tomorrow isn't promised though it seems to be so near.
Fear of losing beautiful moments so present
I get lost in the evidence of those events.
Fear of losing, an illusion.
Understanding, the solution.
Everything has a shelf life
It all comes to end
But, the pain of losing it' s all worth it in the end
No regrets, no cursing, no lamenting
Every ending is a perfect ending..
collaborative writing.. ft. Armando
seek you first,
you are the kingdom of god
and righteousness is yours to keep.
it’s hard to make things make sense
and i try not to vent
when i see pens and papers;
i see nothing else,
i see only what’s sense-less
i saw nothing since this
journey to nowhere began.
this race that im running has ran
out of time and energy.
no pride so
no threat to my entity...
what exists isn’t critical.
one may seem too
when i look up at my visual
i see hope
and i see stars.
i see broken,
i see scars.
may your heart heal,
may you act as you feel
while being genuine
writing about past feelings and beginners luck.
running from emotions,
while still holding onto trust
that if life should take its course;
no self-ish motive or care,
there’s nothing wether high or low
that i should ever fear..
im learning rhymes heal wounds
but only for awhile,
growing up is tragic
i may always be a child.
filled on magic
but everything will always come together
as it should.
you're too close..
you scare me.
spare me the 40 second speech,
your kind words
with undertones that speak for me.
they tell the story that i've heard like one too many times.
got one too many lines drawn
keeping out the bad guys,
and the soul ties
and all that tries to save me from myself...
who try to be of help but i cant help it,
im bottled up,
you felt it.
got issues un-dealt with but atleast im genuine...
i made attempts to let you in.
im back.. can you guess for how long?
like a sunflower in a bouquet of bright red roses..
you were chosen.
the weakest link,
or so it seems.
who'd ever think
a stoic queen
could be so far behind the scene
& never seen.
never seeking mere attention,
only focus is ascension,
with intentions so pure...
and no one is really sure
who you are
whose you are
i swear they've never seen your kind.
and so inclined
to spread love & light,
with no motive or spite
just a vision,
a clear sight of
she's a minimalist;
with a minimal list of things that she desires,
things that she requires.
she's at one with all things,
so with her all things are one.
she never folds
nor does she run away.
she stays calm
with actions dare reflecting
a light that's so flourescent,
"who are you?"
"from where have you came?"
"where have I seen you?"
"what is your name?"
its like you’re saying "dont feel anything"
and trust me,
i saw me stone-cold,
and doors locked dead to the world.
dead was the girl
with no soul,
but every night she fell apart.
every night she felt a piece of her fade away into the dark.
and now i feel everything,
and i feel it so deeply.
i feel things ive never felt,
and i feel them discreetly.
maybe i'm too "emotional" or maybe you're not emotional enough..
and if you ever do anything...
make sure to feel good about it,
feel good in it,
free yourself through it.
if you love it,
dont ask questions,
go ahead and just do it.
its your life,
you should live it.
give it time or just give it all you’ve got.
maybe you've never had to wait for anything.
maybe you've never had anything worth waiting for.
why do i title my poems journal entry? because they are small pieces\insight that stem from my actual journal entry. you're welcome.
all of these words and these rhymes spilt,
yet still i can barely find any to share..
all of the time spent,
searching time zones and time lengths
yet there's nothing that even comes to mind.
when im in your presence,
im supposed to be present.
is it me or is it me?
cause if its me,
ill say with me im outspoken
with nothing unspoken...
as far as contentment goes,
im losing sight.
im going mad,
ensuring everything is right.
and what is right?
see, its a battle of the
ego vs self...
ego wants the linear,
self wants the lesser.
ego wants a challenge,
ego folds when under pressure.
self wants ascension,
self wants what's pure.
and the ego wants what's sure.
self says to "be still"
while the ego says "compete",
if they cant work together,
will i ever be complete?
in the end,
it works out.
in the end they work together,
in harmony and balance.
now as one,
they live forever.