Piles of poems surround me
My heart and thoughts
Put to paper.

But I dare not share
A single piece
Out of fear of losing
Bit's of my soul.

Writing is my gate to freedom,
So why do I feel held captive?

i wished i could write it all down.
but there were simply not enough words.
and certainly not the right ones.

She told me to write
So I did.
But now I'm left in a pile of poems and prose
That no one will ever get to read.
Feeling more emotions than I have in years
Too afraid to let them see that side of me.
My lies are bigger than I am now
So I walk in their shells
Attempting to pretend that I know what I'm doing.

She told me to write
Because what I make is beautiful
That the way my words twist and contrast
Make her interested.
That my raw emotion speaks to her
But she only saw my most prized pieces
Would my average work disappoint?

She told me to write
To let others see how I feel
Express myself in a way
That maybe they can comprehend
And attempt to understand.
But how can they possibly understand
When I'm too afraid to show them
What I actually feel like.

She told me to write
To work towards being okay
To continue putting one foot in front of the other
Because it was the only thing keeping me alive.
So I tried.

Like a cigarette dropped from your lips not yet finished
My soul continue to glow as you leave me on the ground to die.
I'm far from ready to let my flame go out
But unless someone is willing to pick me up
All I can do is hope I don't set the leaves nearby ablaze
As my light slowly flickers out
Hopefully without being smothered beneath a boot.

Blood,
A flowing river
That never seems to stop.

Pain,
A sensation that can open your eyes
To the true world around you.

Torture,
A C.D. on repeat,
A never ending way to live your life until.

Death,
A creeping stranger
That has somehow learned the secrets of your life.

Silence,
Not a whisper can pass your lips,
Not a breath can fill your lungs.

Finally,
The pain has stopped,
And the torture has ended.

The gentle thuds of raindrops
In the middle of the night
As you hold me close
Already fallen asleep
Your soft snores calm me
Music cannot compare
To the symphony of noises
I listen to at night
Especially when the beat of your heart
Is the loudest of the sounds
I feel like I'm finally home.

I could sit here and write you a thousand poems
Millions of letters thrown across a page
In attempts for you to understand
That I'm truly and undoubtedly
In love with you.
And I know with all my heart
That you love her.
It kills me inside to listen
You trip up on your words with laughter
Because just thinking about her
Causes you to lose yourself in thought.
You scrunch up your nose a little
And a smile toys at the edge of your mouth
As your fingers twist at your clothes or hair
Usually you sigh slightly leaning forward looking off
And I watch you fall for her more and more each day.
You're beautiful when you're in love.
I just wish you had worn that dress for me to admire
Maybe then I wouldn't feel so bad about doing it anyways.