When everyone is saying
How much they hate
Their appearance, personality, althetic and academic abilities

I stand away
Awkward and quiet
Offering no opinion

Not because I am happy with myself
But because I am so insecure
I am afraid that pointing out my flaws

Will make you see

The parts of me I hate
The parts of me I hide
The parts of me I tried to change

Yet failed

Because I have what I got
I can't change it
To fit in with everyone else

I can't be someone else
Because I am not them
I'm me

And in some way that has to be enough

We used to live next door
But now your home is empty
We used to sit in desks side by side
And giggle whenever we got in trouble
We used know each others favourite everything
We would choose swings over slide for the other
But
One day your windows were shut
Your door was locked
Your desk was still beside me
But you always looked away
Your new friends would play on the swings
While I sat on alone

Part of me
                                    Feels empty
A hollow shell
                                    Non-existent
The other part
                                    Bubbles with anxiety
A tightness
                                    I can't lose

They are not mixed together

But they are also not pushing each other away

They are just coexisting

Something that shouldn't happen

That couldn't happen

So why is it happening now

?

Eyes glancing over terms
For which I care not
Mind trying to memorize
Definitions of things
So small you cannot see
With the human eye
If I could do anything else
I would
But no choice has been given to me
I must learn
What I have been told
And nothing else
Why can't we learn
Things no one ever thinks of
Why can't we figure out
Why spontaneous generation
Doesn't exist
For ourselves
Or write
Whatever we want
And explore what works
And what doesn't
Instead what we discover
Has been laid out for us
A skeleton of information
Today's form of education
Why must we do things we hate
And waste our precious time on things we don't care about
When we could focus on
Something we are passionate for
And could become successful at
No child who is passionate about swimming
Is going to revolutionize the world of construction
No one who loves cooking
Is going to change the finical industry
People will go above and beyond
What is asked of them
If they love
What they do
So why don't we let them?
The world would have amazing increases and discoveries
In every field
So many people wouldn't hate their jobs
Or their co-workers
If they were all enthusiastic about their career
If we allowed people to focus
On their passions
But
We don't
So
My eyes glance over the terms
For which I care not
Mind trying to memorize
Definitions of things
So small you cannot see
With the human eye
If I could do anything else
I would

I stare at the page
But I can't focus
I am reminiscing
All the feelings
From long ago
I am better than I was
But still
Sometimes
I fall back into the
Darkness
The despair
I used to live with
Constantly
Sometimes I don't even know
Why
But I feel it
Right now
I can feel it
But it is different
It is quieter
Like a memory
Knocking at the window
It won't come in
I will just watch it
Remember it
Write of it
Until I forget
For a moment
And live*
For a moment
But
It will be back
It will slip through my door
That I tried to lock
And it will wrap its arms
Around me
A familiar embrace
That suffocates me
Forces me to
Forget my life
My responsibilities
And lie
Huddled around it
Waiting for it to leave me
For another moment
It is just passing by
It won't come in today
And I can live
Through this moment

I love to sit
In a building
Way up high
And look down at the ground
And see all of the people
The size of ants
And all the cars
Like the toys I once had
Hurry around
Walking, running, driving
Everyone is in a hurry
Somewhere to be
Somewhere to go
Faster, faster
They go
Each one with there one story
Relatively insignificant to everyone else
Only people in your life care
About you and your story
The same way only you care
About people's stories
Who are in your life
Everyone else is just a face
In the way
Walking past you
Driving your bus
Your train
Your taxi
Insignificant
A pawn that gets you where you want to be
So you can ccontinue your life
What if
We cared more
About these people
Probably others would think you are crazy
But maybe you would touch someone's heart
Change their life
Maybe smiling could be a social normalcy
If those ant sized people
Could slow down
For a moment
What would I see
Way up high
If the world became
A friendlier place

This world
Is not the world our grandparents lived in
We are less connected with the natural world
Separated by televisions and computers
People who spend their lives online
Distracted by flashy adverstisements
Bombarded by commercials
Telling you why you aren't good enough
Or your life isn't easy enough
And how they can make you look better
Feel better
Be smarter
Have an easier time getting places
And doing things with less effort
We forget that how we look
Feel
And our intelligence
Might just be good enough
For you and the people around you
We need to take a break from all the consumerism
And reconnect with ourselves
And each other
To become human again