the sun drips
like
a
yellow yolk

oozes
down
the gold knots
of my spine
breathe the first of Spring days
the radio plays our favorite song

i see you backwards
quickly
all the times we had
vulnerable;
gone.

the sky is blue, the lake is blue
your eyes are blu
and they say i look like your
sister
oh gods. help me
i can’t feel anything
except you
and everything here is you

Waking up to a heavy chest
My body begging me to sleep again
And my anxiety begins the second I realize I'm alive
I'm trying to learn to function
With all of this negative energy inside me
I know it'll pass and
I know it'll get better
But right now it hurts
I feel unloved
Unloveable
I feel lost inside myself
A place I can't stay too long
Before I lose my mind
I can tell myself I'm worth it and
That my worth isn't defined by others
And it works for a bit
Until something else comes up and
My heart loses its energy
And I either feel like giving up
Or ready to fight everyone

The sea is still today
It's cerulean blue and gold
I think of the thoughts it carries
Within its hidden folds.
Its touch is soft and gentle
It soothes the ache of years
But I wonder how many waves
Are made from fallen tears.

I am an afterthought
A second hand emotion
A distant memory that is just out of reach and leaves you vacant

I am the second lover who can never live up to the the first
A lukewarm cup of coffee that you'll drink but never enjoy

I am chipped in the major places of my heart
But you keep coming back to see if you can fix me

Yet neither of us enjoy my anguish

You make me think that falling in love again isn’t so hard
Unexpected, maybe, but easy
And maybe I’m crazy and needy
But every time I look at you I wonder what a future would look like

Intertwined and tangled, sweating in your sheets
Our bodies meet and it’s impossible to tell
Where one begins and the other ends
I intend to show you what loving me looks like
The good, the bad, and definitely the parts that will make you want to run
But please don’t run anywhere except into my arms
                  I’ll hold you

I’ll hold you until you can no longer make out the lines of the cityscape
From your bedroom window
Until thoughts escape and manifest into poetry through your lips
A kiss that tells me everything I need to know
                  I’ll hold you

And maybe I’m tired of running,
Making excuses for why this could never work
Too stubborn to admit that your persistence drew me in
Let me in
I’m convinced that this could be something beautiful

The sea is resting now
after a long day
gnawing at the edge
churning in deep hollows
ever so slowly eroding
this peaceful coast

Sand is the issue
of this marriage
sea and sky
combining to
make the land large
in its retreat

A handful of sand
to the winds
my life
to these tides