I need to see the sunrise
In the sun
Perhaps I won't be consumed
By those brown eyes
That haunt me
Eyes that once watched me
That you desperately tried
To hide behind
I'm afraid if I don't see
All the colours in the morning sky
I'll never see myself again
The smoke is burning
My ******* eyes
God where is the sun
I can see my breath
See your navy blue hat
On the floor of the car
But I cannot see the sun

I have heard a heart
drop and a
heart burst,
but I've never quite felt
a contraction
or inflation
as red
or
as full of life
as you.

You are blue
in an ocean
that never knew.

Yellow paints
the sun,
and your hips,
too.

I gather flowers
in valleys,
blooming without
any stems
for you.

I fell in love with the dark.
I found comfort in the sorrow-filled shadows .
selfish, I know.
but it is all I know.
you used to help me find beams of light,
but now there are no traces of hope remaining.
I have been consumed whole.

What is an artist
Without a muse
What am I
Without you
I am empty glass bottles
And white powder lines
On the bathroom sink
I am dark cigarette burns
Scarred on pale arms
And cuts hidden on thighs
I am a slave
To prescription medicine
To chemical cures
When the bottles are empty
I am empty

It's 1am
And I'm alone
With the ghost
Of warm hands
And soft love
My mind is filled
With songs we sang
Too loud
My cigarette
Won't quiet my craving
For that searing hot
Touch
Despite the scars
Cut into my skin
Before you
And the sting
Of your indifference
After you
I will heal
I will become strong
I will be cold hard steel
Yet I will never melt
Like I did before
I only did for you

Yours is the only skin
That has ever touched mine
That didn't taint me
I could look in the mirror
Look in your eyes
Find comfort
You looked in mine
You saw the demons
I tried to look down so you wouldn't notice
But you never saw me the same
Every other touch
Disgusts me
The only eyes I see now
Are mine
Glossy and red
Reflecting in the mirror
Blue green ever shifting eyes
And I'll continue my steady gaze
I'll stare at nothing in particular
I'll turn into a statue
Cold hard stone
Or I'll be steel so I won't crack

I'll scrape my knees
I'll scrape up change
Change to save
Change my brain
Smoke less packs a day
Cheap words I always say
Cheap words of love
Drown myself in liquor
Drown myself in shame
Don't tempt another scar
Paint my face
Carefully conceal my arms
Keep my mouth shut
Salvation always masks
Damnation