Is right when you are about to laugh.
That moment when your mouth stretches from ear to hear,
The bridge of your nose begins to wrinkle,
And your eyes shout life.

He watched as the tears flowed down my face
But I turned away to hide his disgrace
I took my heart and held it tight
held in the pain with all of my might
I took a breath
Sharp in
Cut out

As a felt his hand on my shoulder
But I was already filled with doubt
when I turned around to meet his gaze
Mine was hard, and soon his was hazed
I yanked away from his desperate grasp
But I think I already knew we were done and past

I heard his voice crack with sadness
"Please stay, I love you, I'll miss you, I need you"
Choking on sadness, but holding the rest down
I whispered back, with an emotionless sound
**"You may have forgotten what love meant, But my love is something where rules cannot be bent"

I laugh in the face of love
      I cringe thinking of the passion
              I bathe in the hate I now feel
if it takes away
         what you once were
                  what you once meant.
Every love song a beautiful lie
           Every poem an empty cry
I could scrub my skin
     Until the blood seeps through
           If it meant forgetting you.

I want your embrace,
a tight grip on my thighs
your hands
pushing into my back
pulling me closer

I know
the marks you leave on my body
would be so different
than those before you

I've been smoking about you,
been drinking about you
even thinking about you

This drag, that swig
I'm high off your laugh,
drunk off your words.