they found your parent’s home address tattooed on your inner thigh
and picked you up at a quarter-to-five
the ****** bourbon was dancing in your bloodstream
so you called from prison and asked if you could see me
i said not tonight, the moon is full
you wrapped my arms around your neck and began to pull
my throat is not the ocean and your tide is not the sea
i never said i loved you, so please forget about me

if the ambulance was big enough for the both of us
if the ambulance was big enough for the both of us
we’d waste our nights walking around downtown
the blue and red would stain our skin
satin lips pressed onto each others tongues
i could have been someone
if the ambulance was big enough for the both of us

and i remember screaming in the passenger seat of your parents car
the street lamps on the culdesac spinning through the moonroof
the mirrors flashed bulbs in my eyes
inches from the curb you dropped me off then wished me good night
i walked past my mothers room
still dizzy from your driving
and blinded by the lights
and she quietly asked, 'did he kiss you?'
i lied and blushed a ‘no’
‘at least he was kind enough to drive you home’

at 8 am i am thinking of you
i’m looking at my hands dance across the keyboard remembering how i reached out and touched your face in the dark, and my hands danced in a similar way, touching your lips because i need to remember them exactly as they are, for when i'm riding a train across the english countryside, or when i’m moved back in with my parents and i can’t sleep at night
or when i’m doing laundry, you know, those mundane things that would be a lot more beautiful
if i could just reach out and touch your lips, your face
and two thousand miles can’t do much about that, now can they?
so i drive 20 minutes each direction thinking i’m 20 minutes closer
or further away than when i woke up today.
i don’t think you think of distance the way i do
but distance and your lips are the most beautiful thing i have right now
so i’ll fancy them all i want.
i’ll fancy them all i want.

last night i drank an entire bottle of wine
and fell asleep before i could even make it out the door
woke up face down in the middle of my room
and my clothes are in trashbags, piled in the corner
and i’m listening to ella fitzgerald and shes singing about you
i swear to god she’s singing about you
and i havent watered my plants in a while
but the neighbors promised to make it rain once a week
and i’m looking up mood ring charts so i can tell you how i feel
how should i feel?
when i’m leaving you behind

we act like an old married couple
who still feel butterflies when they kiss
and when i made love to you
i wished we could’ve done it again and again
i am daydreaming so horribly it seems
i passed by my street twice today
pulled in my driveway
my lips are red and so are my insides
you have blessed both

i'm making fish sticks in the kitchen drinking a blue moon
thinking about how i sat gracefully, weightless on your back while you laid there shirtless and i squeezed every knot out of you
like wringing a bleached towel out
and you
switched, sitting on top of me rubbing that sweet ******* anthropologie scent into my skin
and i told you what i wanted for christmas  and you apologized for getting cheeto dust on my down comforter
and we'll drive halfway across the country just to find ourselves in it
and you apologized for doing coke
and i apologized for not caring
and you held my face between your hands like some kind of heart shaped pebble you found on the beach
and i was glowing
and you let me scratch at you with needles and i was glowing
but i don't love you, and i don't think i could