when you feel like telling him
keep it in.
you know he will never feel how you feel

when you feel like telling him
hesitate.
will he still treat you the same?

when you feel like telling him
remember that being unsure is a no.
it’s horrifying to think about what he might say

when you feel like telling him
make sure you’re ready to accept the consequences.
don’t you want to keep your best friend?

will your hugs scare him now?
will your cuddles insinuate something more?
will silence still be comfortable?

when you feel like telling him
make a sacrifice.
it’s better for you to hurt than him

I keep my face bare
Saving my make up for him on weekends.
I count every calorie of every day
Hoping he will grab my waist more tenderly.
I rid my body of hair until it bleeds
Just in case he visits.
I push my heart rate daily
Willing my body to burn itself.
I cut and pick and paint my nails and their beds
Dreaming in a haze that he'll hold them.
I whisper loving words in his ear and leave him love notes
Praying one day he will return them to me.

Spread out on the bathroom floor
Sick and tired of all the beautiful excuses he makes
The sugar-coated ones,
Sugar rush of tears and time wasted thinking of him
She, finds comfort in her cigarettes,
She's beautiful, she's wonderful
And of course she doesn't see it,
When the tears have carved darkness under her eyes.
She can barely sleep,
Looking for something in the dark
but in the dark we barely see anything
and there's no answer to our questions
And you know what?
She deserves all of the love someone can give
And I'd hold her close if she cries
My heart breaks in a million little pieces for her
But he, he loves her
And every time she smiles,
the world gets a little better
but every time she cries the angels above break their wings a little

*and that's a beautiful, tragic , love
and she deserves all of the love in the world