Wounds and battle scars,
unknown to any,
a dark secret.
Couldn't tell,
couldn't reach out,
hatred grew.
A created beauty,
from layers of armour,
none to be seen in front of that cracked mirror.
Anger, pain, frustration,
a muse for despair.
I chopped it off,
in that state of anger,
thick locks of hair carelessly strewn in a trash bag,
steam escaping underneath the bathroom door.
In grave despair,
fragile and susceptible,
a great roar came,
from the one most loved.
It scared me to the bones,
shaking and in tears.
Laughing,
alone,
between four walls,
light streaming through the window,
at dawn or nightfall,
it doesn't seem to matter.
Crying,
alone,
between four walls,
dark and cold,
back backed to a wall,
curled like a ball.
The roar of a beloved,
came like the wind,
swift and impactful,
It was a strike to the core,
a backlash for all the expectations,
unspoken words of love
and sacrifices.
Dark secrets and battle scars?
I bore it all for you.
The pain you'd feel,
unspeakable and unimaginable.
I knew and I withheld,
yet for something seemingly trivial,
your bark shook me to the core.
I was afraid.
Like a child with trauma,
it suddenly came to me,
reverberating in my ears,
through the laughter on my laptop screen
A dark ominous feeling rose in my chest,
fear overwhelms,
afraid you'd might come again.
Blanketed and backed against a wall,
I realised the secrets
kept me from love,
and vehemently wished it dispelled,
from memories I held.
A locked chest,
a key thrown?
A nonexistent chest,
And a consuming pain.
Then maybe,
as I realised how my time cooped up,
in despair,
keeping to myself has past
as my hair grew down my back,
thinking that its enough to have people at my funeral,
enough at that,
that its okay none would cry,
that no one has truly loved me for who I am,
that I can't be loved for who I am,
for the scars I bear,
for who I've come to be,
then maybe,
when there are no recollection of that past,
I'd be able to live,
see past despair,
and achieve dreams I never had,
make my imaginations reality,
be positive and a lovable company,
then maybe I'd be able to pursue living like I never had.