you said you were leaving

i was overwhelmed by this happiness

you were finally out of my life

i could finally be free

so you packed your things, you went to your car and loaded it

then,

you turned to me

pulled out a handgun

and shot me in the chest

my skin tore and presented a large gaping hole

and from it poured bright red disappointment

my ribs cracked and out rolled my heart onto the concrete of my patio

you laughed a hearty laugh with wicked undertones

you shoved your gun into your pocket

watched me choke, watched me scream at the top of my lungs, struggle for air, struggle for anything

then towered me, bent down swiftly and picked up the bleeding thing

you smirked at me, "only taking what's mine"

i never saw you again

the last time I shared about my affair,
i spoke of the end.
yet here we are again.

the devil,
so loving
so cunning
so addictive
so noxious.

for a moment,
i found myself no longer feeling affection for him.
no longer wanting to attend to his every want & need.
no longer caring whether or not he noticed my absence.
'I hate him and if I see him, I swear I'll tell him that.'
lies.
all. lies.

i knew he was ruinous, detrimental to my health.
however..
to my heart, he was the universe.
to my body, he was the crème de la crème.
to my soul, he was all i craved.

but to my mind..
he was poison.
infecting my thoughts daily..
every second of the day.
yet i still played it cool and kept my distance.

one day, it hit me.
like a baseball was pitched at 90 miles per hour
aimed right at my head.
and then i missed him.

i missed his smile,
his laugh,
his voice,
his smell,
his touch.

i missed the way we ******.
the way he never failed to make me ****** a thousand times.
the undeniable skinship we shared.

i missed his mind.
a never-ending labyrinth that i had no problem getting lost in.
a dark yet beautiful & comfortable place.

i knew that reconciliation was an option.
but as usual,
my mind & heart could not concur.

ultimately,
it was what i wanted.
and so it was.

unsurprisingly,
he accepted me with open arms.
'I miss you too baby.'
sigh. he knew it was inevitable too.

he isn't all bad.
he isn't all good either though.
after all, he is still the devil.
and i am hopelessly & irrevocably  in love  with him.

[r.r.r.w]

did you hear them?
my cries for help, did you hear them?
of course you did, but you were so caught up in the *** & how beautiful it felt to touch me in ways that most had never gotten to.
you were too caught up in the grips of the walls of my ******, instead you should have been focusing on the way i was gripping onto your arm holding on for dear life, trying not to drown in everything that you seemed to be but weren't.

when i knew that you were only there for the ***, it was too late..
darling, i was already lost in your soul.. fighting your demons that couldn't stand even the scent of me.. they hated me, you hated me..
you claimed to be passionate about me when the only thing you were ever passionate about was the warmth of my body against yours, and the fire that we were so near to starting from the friction of your body rubbing 'gainst mine..
you were caught up in f--king me, when all i wanted was for you to f--k the **** out of my desires dear.
you wanted to 'make love' to me, when i really wanted you to make love to my being.
you were caught up in the depth of my intimacy when you should have been lost in the depth of my soul.
**my brain is a ****** *****, dont forget to stroke that also.