i wish that i could love you,
but it seems that i can't allow myself that gruesome of a demise

i wish that i could love you,
but whenever i think of you and i and you granting me a title,
just to forget my name and remember their's once it floats off of their tongue when you ask them how they're doing,
i remember that i cannot love you

i wish that i could love you,
but i am so content with the feeling of my chest at rest
and i don't wish to feel an ache if i were to catch you in the arms of another
it is so simple to leave you be, so simple to detach myself emotionally

i wish that i could love you,
but if i give you every part of me, i can see it now
the blood of my heart in your hands
the ripped muscle of the ***** wrapped around your fingers
the picture of you and them interlocked, mirrored in my eyes
as tears float on my cheeks
and now i know

now i know that i cannot love you
so please do not ask

we saw each other for the first time

since you left

and i was an apathetic mess with my arms crossed over the hole of where my heart used to be

and you were a regretful paradox with clear liquid weakness lining your eyelids

i looked at you with empty eyes

and you grabbed a knife and stuck it in my abdomen

you carved and dug

you were looking for the part of me that loved you

that needed you

but you killed her when you left

He laughed,
His bright green eyes lighting up,
His choppy messy hair,
Flying up as he tilted his head back,
Staring at the ceiling,
He looked back sad,
Whispering," maybe you could've loved yourself"

I'll leave my window open
            so in darkness-deep
            maybe, just maybe
            you'll hear me weep.