in my spotless mind,
i had a blue dream.
deep in limbo.
somewhere in the ocean..
wading.
with my lover.
do you remember?
no?
well, it's cool.
with promises of eternal sunshine,
we wade a little deeper.
he holds me close & whispers in my ear,
"you're so brave."
we wade further until we are completely submerged.
floating deeper & deeper,
i felt the pressure and grimaced.
he mouths to me,
"why aren't you smiling?"
i grasped his hand firmly and pulled him toward me.
in his arms, we kicked until we resurfaced.
he smiled at me and I smiled back.
we kissed; he tasted salty.
we swam to shore.
we sat on the beach in a tight embrace.
he kisses my hair and says,
"I live for your love, die for your love."
I whispered,
"and I do you."
I look up at him.
"pretty bird", he breathes.
and in that moment, I knew that I was souled out for him.
{r.r.r.w}

To the girl with the alluring melanin...
skin the enticing & mouth-watering color of caramel

To the girl with the enigmatic mind,
subliminally affixed to mine**
ॐ
To the girl with the beautiful heartbeat
that coexists as one with mine.
To the girl with the winsome name
...my lips feel so much better when it's your name leaving.
To the girl with the mollifying voice,
your voice is the strongest tranquilizer I've ever encountered;
It apprehends all negativity I'm engulfed in
and brings me back to sanity again.
To the girl with the broken heart
shattered into a thousand pieces,
I'll spend 1,000 days putting each piece back together
and on the 1,001 day
you'll see that not only did I mend your heart
but I gave you remnants of mine.
To the girl who was at war with herself,
I've seen your battle scars.
To the girl who constantly goes back to war,
you are not alone and I won't ever allow you to be.
  ॐ                                     ॐ                                    ॐ  
To the boy with the perfectly sculpted face...
if you were to ever leave, I'd spend forever recreating it's beauty.

To the boy with the beautifully structured mind,
which never fails to unravel every mystery within mine.
ॐ
To the boy with the wavering heartbeat
that coexists as one with mine.
To the boy with the voice of a symphony of my favorite melody
that never fails to leaving a distinct sense of perfection in the air.
It scatters positivity throughout my body
reminding me of the purpose of my existence.
To the boy with the faltering heart
which never falters enough to give up on me.
And even if it did, I'd spend all my days
as a cardiovascular surgeon.
To the boy with the artistic fingers that paint with fire,
igniting every inch of my skin they lovingly skim over.
To the boy with the dark parallel lines freckled over his wrists,
reminding me of the heartache, and distress you once endured.
I'd spend every day of my life eradicating each piece
of pain-coated glass embedded in your heart.
You are not alone and I won't ever allow you to be.

in the bathroom.
palms sweating, heart racing.
in the mirror.
eyes screaming, hard breathing.

as my emotions overwhelm me;
crashing down like a thousand seas.
my reasons to live diminish.

'what the **** is it gonna take for you to understand?'
'where is your control Rachael?'
'your life is disappointing beyond words.'
words from the people I love.

i try, i'm trying.
i lie, i'm lying.
but i tried, i promise.
no i lied, i'm sorry.

one more time i'll cry,
because i no longer have the strength to get by.
it's a ******* pain to be a pain..
so why not end it all?

blade in hand, wrist in sight.
my only wish is to end my plight.

so selfish, so selfish.
think about those who care for you.
i don't give a ****.
i swear for this is what they wish.

sitting in my blood with my demons..
fully aware that they have won.
could've swore i heard them say to Satan..
'this time we have her, it's nearly done.'

losing consciousness, i smile..
on my way to hell.
hey, i'll see you in a while.
you know it,
i can tell.

-{r.r.r.w}