A feeling
That over time turned into a word,
Being too far to reach.
Trying to reclaim it,
You get hurt,
Or hurt others,
For the tiniest feeling of power
That feels so wrong,
Yet so right.

Trying to regain control controls you.

I have to have you comply
For i will take away your will to live.
In the end, you'll end it anyway.
Your lean figure leaning over a torn piece of paper
With tears in your eyes.
Some people can't bear being with a bear,
Winding up for harsh winds
Or being so close to closing yourself.

It's been 4 years.

10pm.
The time when i used to always text you,
The time i told you about everything
And anything.

10pm.
Every single evening.
The hour we got together,
When i confessed months of surpressed feelings.

10pm.
Now it's all gone.
But the hour remains special.
Instead of joy, it is filled with pain.
All because one text.

It doesn't go away
It just transforms into something else

This isn't a poem but a piece of writing to remember a wonderful person that was here before randomly dissapearing. Some of you might remember him. He was that one kind, older man who wrote poems i absolutely loved and was also my first follower. I'm not sure why he left or what happened but i wanted to write this so people would remember him. I never knew him personally and i didn't even know him for long here. He was pretty active on here and i feel like it got a bit empty without him. I love everyone here but i feel like everyone remembers their first follower/supporter, especially if they were active. So, Drab, even tho you probably can't read this, thank you.

Ban everything,
Media,
Differences,
And the will to live.

Ban everything, except yourself.

The best of the worst motivators.

Make my heart shatter
To assemble it again
And destroy it later
Breaking it into more pieces

When your hands are freezing, cold water seems warm,
A bit of kindness seems like a confession,
Trauma seems like normal life.
I really wish i could control the water's temperature myself.

So i closed my eyes,
Hoping to blur the image,
Yet it stayed untouched.
Why must my own brain betray me?
Or it it me that can't seem to let go?

What does success even mean
If we all die in the end?

I miss who i was
Don't know who i will be
And I'm scared of what I've become.

I got everything i wanted
But not in the way i hoped

my art is dead
and so am i

Another, more delusional word for hate.

It hurts
While forcing you
To accept itself

I wish i could
Write my own life
Without someone else holding the pen

The same
Yet so different
Same person
But they changed.
Who thought that one sentence
Can change so much

Has your voice fallen silent,
Or is it my ears that no longer hear?
Did your words fade away,
Or is it my eyes that went blind?
Did the paper burn,
Or does my hand no longer know how to write?

Tell me,
Do these stupid words answer the question,
I yet have to look for?
The question,
I've been so afraid to ask,
Let alone find.

Is it my fault,
That you no longer exist in my world,
Or did the universe see you as a mistake on its own?
Is it my fault,
That i simply cannot hate you?

Lie to me
And tell me you love me,
While both of us know
You don't.

I quietly erased myself
From your life
Dot by dot
Until the day came
When i disappeared
With nothing but a "sorry" and "i love you".

I miss your soft voice,
I'm terrified of forgetting the sound of it,
Angel,
How dare they steal the only light i had?
The one that would comfort me when i was sad,
How dare they take away the only person
That truly cared?
The only voice, that when i was scared
Would take the demons,
And lock them away in himself.
How dare they,
Dim the only star in my sky,
And tell me i simply closed my eyes,
How dare they lie..

Tell me, will that star ever shine again?
Or will the spot on the sky be forever abandoned?