No, I won't turn off the T.V.
so I can concentrate harder
The point is I want to be so care free
that I multi-task out of existence
I do all the tasks at once
I am
I am
I am
even if you say it
Now, I do all the tasks at once
Music
Podcast
Video game
and the antennae TV hum
so I can't skip no commercials
Have my feelers all over the globe
I feel all the feels at once
I am
I am
I am
even if you say it
Now, I feel all the feels at once
Music
Podcast
Video game
Now, I do all the tasks at once
I am
I am
I am
Even if you say it
I just need you to say it
I am
I am
I am
Even if you say it
I just need you to say it

Crippled inaction
is the fear I'll fail at asking her out
when the moment comes up
or the fear that it will all work out but
it won't feel like enough
Same story for doing my laundry
Same story for writing songs and getting them out

Narcissist that knows he
could be Emperor if he gave it his all
But knees buckle at the thought
of those peons and
what they're saying 'bout me
in their decrees
These bouts, these bouts,
these bouts
Let's run to Nothingness
don't get off the couch
Let's run to mundane business
Everyday I scrub these floors
and someday I'll see us in them
___________

arm around shoulder
the sparkle in your eye
reflected back at me, me, me
You're the sing-song voice of my other
Even though I heard you say no words
I just finished the story I started
the first time we caught eyes, eyes, eyes

They feel like grapes and your
spaghetti hair sure feels like brains
so can I ask you something?
Cause I don't know you enough
to say I'm not a fan but life's too short so
can we shatter some distance?
Like, "Hey I'm not too partial on pasta and sauce
but I sure would like to chat and canoodle on the couch."
Lazy eyes find the forest in your perfect ones
No more mistaken for trees, trees, trees
We're all firmly in this world

Someday last April
I lost my sincerity
Life became too fleeting to blink at absurdities
and after all, it's all you hypocrite logicians
that ****** **** up for me
but not just me
I'm just drones in society

I'm using a machete as a tea-cup coaster
to protect a table that's hacked to bits

Learn to write again
learn to type right
first time in 3 decades of life

I want to write closer to when I think
speed time, to slow it
make it feel like I do more
like I was in my teens or early twenties
****, these days 3 go by and it feels like one

I count my blessings to build confidence
Life grows more cruel but
I might win if I act like already won
Chaos magick, nay we do not speak of it

You forgot to pretend
to suspend quests for rationality
No longer moved by a book or film
We conditioned to be unconditioned
only to realize we ought to been wistfully in the herd
the whole time  
We're the Bodhisattvas forestalling enlightenment
to get drunk with the butchers
after decades of sober high ground
We're the over-analyzers
lamenting our anachronisms in self-assuring
new philosophies
Either fully embrace one or drop out of being smart at all
the only tolerable choice to start to enjoy life again
No, no it's a false dichotomy
I want to be the eternal well-wisher
no matter the decadent displays

The shared dream of a soon to be future
We scavenge and defend
through pockmarked streets
make shelters amid crumbling concrete
We forgot how to imagine a secure society
Measured expectations and social safety nets
they took it all away along with our balanced serotonin
I used to get all jazzed up over a library book
but now the images promise us much more bliss
right around the corner

But it never soothes
never comes close  
We cannot buy the contentment you claimed to offer
so we'll get it in collapse
We'll be sniped, starved, and deranged
but the thought of that life
makes us whisper excitedly to ourselves
"finally something has happened to me."

I, the eternal well-wisher
will wag no more fingers at preachers of death
Neither will I become them nor pity them

You smell like a carnival
in some forlorn town or county
I open the door
and smell the fried dough,
the petting zoo, the bumpkin hoods
with too much cologne
looking at you like you was eyeing their girl
wearing his lanky white arm

You smell like cotton candy,
maybe they could only afford a reptile guy,
the lions club and their burgers and hots
you can only purchase with coupons
The backseat of the worst corvette
owned by the greasiest ugly old man
who has a couple more benjamins than his
old lady's last daddy

Brother, your narcissism is mine inverted
I too almost started speaking with "I" or "My"
but I stayed quiet for a few seconds
I rolled those grindstones in my mind
wondering how much the other knows my faults
"Are they judging me now for my pauses
and speaking a bit out of one side of my mouth?"
So to seem like I'm in the moment
I focused on you first

You're the other way around though, aren't you?
It takes a lot out of you to stay quiet
but even more to act the part
cause you still think that everyone's out to judge
so you brag a strong case for yourself
amid the external world
You ask about others naturally
measure their power over you
Who can be your patsy
and who can you never ask for money?

The hadron collider showed an unknown influence affecting subatomic particles.

“Is this proof of a higher power in the universe?” asked Marianne Williamson.

“Is this Will, is this magick?”

Yes Herr Nietzche, there will always be unknowns in human science as the scientists should have known all along, instead of substituting the most recent names of observations as the replacement of God.

No, there probably isn’t free will but we seem to be life in the unknown with more power than any other around.

This universe may just repeat on and on but what do you do with that knowledge? Can you even help to choose what you choose?

All these past influences and instinctual impulses lead the charge. But there's that spark. That mystery if we can ever really know and comprehend it all with limited senses, time, and minds.

Maybe you don’t have a choice in your life, but you can have the feeling you do. The feeling you can shape your world amid the destiny you feel in your heart.

Practice being a yeasayer to life because that just might be your fate.
Amor fati each time around.