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julianna Sep 2018
“Woe is me, for I make friendships sail.”
The siren girl looked at her tail.
“Woe is me, for the relationships flee.”
She’s sullen, for alone she be.
No matter how she sings the song, the sailors hear it all so wrong.
She wishes to be out of sea and thinks
That legs will make her free,
But oceans will belong to sirens and sirens to the sea.
julianna Sep 2018
I like to sing.
Does that make me a siren?
I’ll lure you in, but if you don’t respond, I’ll quiet down my siren song.
I’ll swim away and won’t try again until you’re in need of a friend.
Just ask me and I’ll sing to you in hopes of making us forever,
But most times they just sail away and I’m left swimming here whichever.
I like to sing, and you can too,
But a sailor makes a siren through.
Again I’ll sing my siren song and I will sing them all to you.
julianna Sep 2018
I thought the solution was talking,
But when I talktoomuch it hurts
Because I feel like I’m hurting you

As if taking up your time
With my conversation
Is selfish

Am
I just delusional
Or broken?

Now I have a dilemma
Should I talktoomuch or just never
speak?

I’m going to try shutting up tomorrow. I feel like I ****** up too much air, so I’ll just be quiet.

Let’s see how long it will last...
I might delete this later. I think I’m crazy, but I have an actual dilemma where I feel guilty about talking to much or feeling like I said something wrong ALL THE TIME, so I’m just going to shut my stupid mouth tomorrow.
julianna Sep 2018
Pain
And suffering
And evaporated tears
And razor blades
And laxative teas
And skinny jeans
And diet pills
And angry words
And impulsive decisions
And lies
And bleeding lines
And swollen wrists
And puffy eyes
And long sleeves
And stay-in-bed-all-day days
And avoid-the-crowd-for-days days
And won’t-mind-getting-hit-by-a-car days
And bitten tongues
And sad songs
And bleach shots
And fake Instagram posts
And living through YouTube videos
And fasting
And failing
And then no longer caring
And feeling like it’s all over
And then doing it all over,
All / Over /Again
Trigger warning... This poem is to anyone who has ever been through or is going through any of these things. I know your pain. Although I’ve made a major recovery (anxiety/anorexia/derealization/ depersonalization/panic disorder) and am always getting better, sometimes certain things haunt me. My PM box is always open to those in need of a listening ear or a friend.
Stay strong **
julianna Sep 2018
This is to the person
Who lives the way I do...
Whose life is a distortion
Created by the veil
That covers our minds from the truth
That living like this is hell:
The moments you overreact,
You cry and have panic attacks
The moments that you’re in your bed
When demons inhabit your head
When you push away those that you love
Because being yourself is too much
This is to those with this
Distortion,
Distortion that lives in your brain,
Beneath every single headache and then cracked between the pain.
Sometimes I have moments of clarity when I realize how distorted my viewpoints and actions can be. It really disturbing to suddenly come into the realization that something that you did or said is completely unstable, and just a product of your clouded, mentally- ill judgement.
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