julianna

julianna Sep 2018

This is to the person
Who lives the way I do...
Whose life is a distortion
Created by the veil
That covers our minds from the truth
That living like this is hell:
The moments you overreact,
You cry and have panic attacks
The moments that you’re in your bed
When demons inhabit your head
When you push away those that you love
Because being yourself is too much
This is to those with this
Distortion,
Distortion that lives in your brain,
Beneath every single headache and then cracked between the pain.

Sometimes I have moments of clarity when I realize how distorted my viewpoints and actions can be. It really disturbing to suddenly come into the realization that something that you did or said is completely unstable, and just a product of your clouded, mentally- ill judgement.

#mental #illness #distortion

julianna Sep 2018

scars and the constant pain of being healed from you

Scars are not supposed to hurt,
But I run a finger over them and feel
Pain
It’s bittersweet the feelings of this,
Should it be like singing in the rain?
An awkward bliss.
Instead, I remember the initial wound
Instead, I still feel the ghost of you
Yes, scars are meant to heal
But they can still hurt
And hurt
And hurt.

#love #scars #pain #bliss #bittersweet #heartbreak #hurt

julianna Sep 2018

I Worry About Him

I love him and I worry about him
I wonder if he’s in good health
Or whether he’s found someone new
Is he in need of a friend?
Is he back at school?
His whole world was disrupted,
But my world is distorted
So I couldn’t be the good friend
When it was needed.

Please repost this, like this, comment on this, whatever... I need something to feel good about today.

#worry #love #anxiety #crush #world #friend

julianna Sep 2018

Mistake

If you misspell a word on a paper
You don’t shred the whole paper.
You fix the mistake
And move on.

Note to self not to shred myself up about doing one thing wrong.

#mistake

julianna Sep 2018

Age Eraser

I know that I come off as mature,
But don’t erase my life.
16 is far from 20
And 20 would make me a different person.
So please don’t invalidate my existence
By creating a new one in your head.
Treat me like a human
And please, treat me the way you think I should be treated, regardless of what number is attached to my being.
Don’t be an age eraser.

This poem doesn’t even make sense. It’s a jumbled up ramble of two of my most haunting insecurities;
People assuming my age (usually 18-20s) and then holding me up to some impossible standard of responsibility/maturity that they’ve created AND people judging me for my age/patronizing me/invalidating me when I tell them my age and I’m younger than what they thought (I’m 16 but I am “mature for my age”).
Don’t make me feel bad about my existence just because I’m different than what you think a 16 year-old should be.

#age #invalidate #feelings #life

julianna Sep 2018

Left Wide Open

My door had opened so wide that it broke off of it’s worn-down hinges.
I guess that’s why you stopped knocking and left.

#open #door #love #life