You
are
a
bright
light
amidst
vast
emptiness

the sun shines crookedly
into the cracks that beat the light
into my head
and i blink away the weather, but only for a moment
as i am temporary
and it is forever
and i feel like forever too when i'm walking down this road
but if i look behind
my footsteps disappear into the melting snow
and i know that i will fade

but how? i feel like concrete
man-made and unmoving
while the leaves crushed into my surface
by rain
are the transient ones

i will remain long after i am gone, if only in spirit
since my mind and my body
have not been friends for a long time
when the time comes, i will cast
that shadow from my skull
and my thoughts will be the weather

if i beat you to it
(i don't dare think that thought, just this one time)
will you hear me on the wind?
will you smile back at the sun?

you know that you're the reason
i can say those silent words
and yeah, it's a burden
but it will be you who makes the sun shine

and now i'm done with that morbid thought

words, make me eternal
let each scrap of paper ***** with my letters
speak the truth, and nothing but
the stupid truth
but is it so stupid?
the truth, to me
is becoming less of a fear
and more of a blessing

and sure, it's still a fear
since the blessing scares me
but the sun has become less of a shadow
and more of a light
and i'm pretty sure that's a sign

i'm pretty sure you're a sign
that i should wake up and go outside

when I closed my eyes
while we were making love
I could almost make out
the man you were
whispering to
when you said
that he was
the greatest person
you’d ever
known.

You tell me you're there for me no matter what
So don't ***** when I need a moment to complain about my pain or being sick
Maybe it'd be easier if I was quiet I mean physically I already suffer in silence
So what would make this any different?  
Matter of fact when I die,
don't be one of those idiots falling over my casket making a scene as if you actually gave a **** about my demise
You need attention I'm sure
Oh my poor friend has an illness of no cure
Feel sorry for me see here I am I brought you gifts is that enough?
No ******* keep your material things I don't need them sure as ****
Your condolences and waves of support funny I never do see them
But when I'm on the brink puking into the toilet bleeding in the sink
Then you want to stop and think
Maybe I should offer her help

**** it. I'll live alone and die by myself.