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She told me "when you love you give your all" and I don't know if that is good or bad. You see eventually I will have given every piece of me away but I'm hoping she's the last one and I hope I can say forever like I truly mean it, but that's the thing I never know when someone's is being sincere. She said "you live in the moment but your slowly falling to pieces. You can't live on the hope that it will be okay you have to know it will be"
Something a friend told me about how I love
You know those movie scenes, the ones where the guy throws stones at the girls window, trying to get her attention to express his love, of where he stands out in the yard with a stereo blasting a love song to express his longing to the girl, or the ones where the girl unexpectedly
sees her lover on a crowded street corner, everything else losing focus and she tugs on his sleeve to speak her hellos or purposely runs into him to lock eyes with each other as they come back up from picking up each other's stuff, oh or the classic of the prince swooping his princess off her feet, carrying her away to be his queen?
Why are these envisioned as love at first sight or a happily ever after? They aren't real love. They are just scenes from a script, being acted out for entertainment and money.
They convince you otherwise, so well though, don't they. How they seal their love with a kiss and instantly get married after just meeting each other. How they speak their "I love you" as if it can easily roll off their tongue and it mean everything in the world. How they live their married lives so easily without a care in the world.
Movies never depict what true love is, what real love is. They go as far as what people expect love to be, teaching them more false standards of loving. Leaving couples heart broken and married lives separate as they don't have the typical movie scene of love.
Love is loving yourself, no matter your flaws and no matter your differences from others. It's finding that person and feeling the reassurance they give you. It's the feeling you get when your heart races with theirs, matching the rhythms. It's patience and time, waiting for that one or being patient with that one. It's finding someone who loves you unconditionally and who you can trust with everything. It's the understanding and not so understanding the two of you share and work with your differences. It's knowing that you are both right and wrong in the circumstances given. It is having their name echo in your mind every minute and the smile you receive thinking it. It's finding someone that will hold you when you cry and be your support when you need it.
Love can be so many things. Love isn't what you see in a movie scene, it's what you feel. It's how you feel for yourself, your significant other, your family, your friends. Love doesn't come your way instantly, it takes time. So be patient, it will come to you. Maybe today, tomorrow, 20 years from now, who knows. But it will come. Right now, enjoy your life. Tell everyone how you truly feel about them and don't give up. Ever.
Every time I rest my head on his chest, I could hear echoes of all the people who had let go.
Life is what you make it,
Break it in chunks,
Take it as it comes.
Hope and Distress,
Suffering and Joy
all entwined in
one short journey
Never give up
And seldom cast a doubt
And walk till you can
With Faith as the umbrella,
And kindness as your forte
Till the reluctant Sun
Finally decides to shine
 Oct 2015 Juan Manuel Romero
KD
It is so easy to pick on yourself
but so hard to pick yourself up
I realised this not long ago after long times of endless hammering smashes on my bare soul
even my body so scarred that maybe I looked more like a chopping board after all
I never let myself have chances to let the parts grow together and see that flowers
do indeed bloom from my depths within
Instead I continued to **** the monsters and demons I thought I consisted of
but in reality I was just harming myself; an awful sin
I always believed that destroying myself was what was needed to be done
and I deserved this pain of never being able to stand on my two feet
I had come to believe what I was told by many, that my two feet do not have the strength they need
So I never walked and never ran
I always stood still or crawled along while letting them get weaker ever since I began
I don't understand and realise when I began to notice that my ways were terribly wrong
I never understood or realised that I had wasted years that forever now will be gone
But I do understand and realise that I finally have been blessed to see
That I do not exist to survive, but simply to live and be me
imagine you're standing at the edge of a beach, looking into the water. it's a beautiful beach, the best you've ever been to.
the water is pure, the sand is soft.
and it's all yours, this wonderful beach. as you're standing there, you see a tsunami approaching.
you can't believe it, this tsunami is about to tear apart your
sacred beach, and you with it.
you yell, you scream, you think of everything possible to try and stop this tsunami from coming, but on it rages.
it reaches you and you're immediately knocked off your feet, drowning in the mad water.
it pushes and pulls you in a million different directions
and you choke on its waves.

do you fight?
of course you do. this is your beach.
the tsunami has no right to be here.
you'll be strong and fight until this tsunami goes away. and so you do. you kick and you swim and you keep your head above water and finally,
your feet reach the ground again.
miraculously, when you look around, your beach is still intact.
the sand is still soft at the touch,
and the water is the purest of blues again.
but you're barely able to catch your breath for a second before you see in the distance another tsunami headed towards you and your wonderful beach.

you can't believe it.
again its waves swallow you and you're not as strong as you were when the first tsunami hit.

do you fight?
of course you do.
..right?
it's harder to keep your head above water this time,
and the waves pull you under until you're at your breaking point.
you don't know which way is up or down,
and when you reach the ground again,
this time it's your knees that touch the soft sand,
not your feet.
you're shaken. a little weak, but otherwise okay.
you get to your feet, look out into the water, and your heart stops. another tsunami headed your way...

you're not sure you're going to make it as the 8th tsunami
takes its turn on you.
you've been underwater for minutes and you can feel the last of your oxygen being used up.
it's your instinct to fight, but how much more can you really give?
your body is weak and your mind isn't far behind.

do you fight?
do you fight for your beach?
you think of its perfection and it dawns on you that no one in their right mind would give up a beach like that.
so you should fight.
shouldn't you?
you don't know anymore.
is it worth it?

the beauty of the beach is matched by the terror of the tsunamis.
it's not possible for you to have one without the other.

you don't have to make your decision this time,
because as your still deciding,
you feel your back rest upon the warm, soft sand.
you're lying down and you don't even have the energy
to lift your head up.
but you hear it.
you hear the terrifying tsunami racing towards you.

i hear the terrifying tsunami racing towards me.
do i brace myself for the fight?
do i stand up and face this tsunami head on?
do i keep still and accept defeat?
will i let the water rush over me and stop fighting?

..what would you do if it were you?
Circa 2012.
 Oct 2015 Juan Manuel Romero
NV
when last have i had a 3am kind of conversation,
with my star like emotions scattered all over the darkest parts of me,
mimicking the sky,
my moon like persona that always returns back to hiding me away.  
when last have i felt safe enough to let somebody in,
to not have visions of my vulnerability being tied to the bed after he locks the door behind him,
his voice like some sort of broken record that keeps on repeating that
"it's gonna be okay."
when last have i had a shoulder to cry on that isn't my own,
for my neck to stop worrying that the tear filled sea on either side won't get waves big enough to drown me.  
when last okay,
when last has it felt good to be me.
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