I’m 5’9”, loud and strong. 

I’ve got big hair, perfect brows and a straight back.

I radiate confidence, sexuality and metaphorical ***** as my curvy hourglass figure walks with purpose down the street.

My attitude says “There’s nothing I can not do.”

My eyes say “You wanna fight? I’m ready.”

To them, I’m a lioness. 

I protect all that is mine — except from myself. 

Behind the facade, I am small. 

Behind my words, I am afraid. 

Behind my sunglasses, my eyes are wet. 

And under my luxury lingerie, I am naked, just like my soul is when I’m writing.

I’m not who they think I am, are you?

I turn this corner to see you're not home. I open the door only to be greeted by an empty house. I go to sleep in an empty bed just to wake with you still not there. My phone never rings because you're not calling. My skin is always cold since I don't have your warm touch. My insides twisted with the passion I can no longer give. My hand left empty since yours is not there where I'm reaching. Movies with no sound or understanding since there is no laughter next to me to fill the silence. Songs come on and they remind me of a better time whilst ripping my heart out. I'm keeping my head high and my heart open in hopes of these painful memories eventually being released by someone or something. Understanding and accepting a life knowing that I will never see you again as painful as this reality may be. You were my everything, the only light in my dark unforgiving life, the only heart paired with mine in this ******-up world. I am suffering, yet the biggest pain is from knowing you're hurting more and I may well be the true cause. I wish every moment of every day that life brings you peace, because you..........truly you deserve eternal happiness. I will love you until this world takes my body and my breath, then still I will love you after.

Happy anniversary.

Can you believe
That it’s been a year?
I can still feel the first time,
Your hands danced on mine,
A soft presence, almost shy.
I could barely pay attention
To the film playing on television
Because there, right beside me,
A story was already unfolding,
One that was far more fascinating
Than any other mystery.

And it was.
Here we are, a year later,
The story continues to be
The most gruelling mystery
Of two people ceasing to be,
Of you & I never becoming we,
Instead, a strange, foreign word
To each other’s vocabulary.
I thought we both saw ourselves
In this picture perfect future:
Lying together on crumpled sheets,
Watching Sherlock on repeat,
Reading poetry and drinking coffee,
A state of being indescribably
Happy.

We were never meant to be that.
Only a manuscript tossed in the trash.
We loved too little, and bled too much,
Too proud to break the silence.
Too scared to end the sentence.
So let’s scrap the ending,
And go back to the beginning:

Happy anniversary.