Since when did a letter grade become more important than my personal health? A burnable piece of paper with letter grades and the same teacher comment repeated, became more important to everyone to know my "knowledge". That isn't knowledge if it's just forcing yourself to burn those words formed into a sentence for the definition of a words prefix and suffix. You barely remember anything because you focus on it for a week or two and then never go over it again. But if I oversleep or miss my bus or ride, or if I fall asleep during class or spend the majority of the year in the nurses office it's my fault. It's my fault to show that "HEY I CAN REMEMBER THINGS LOOK SEE I GOT AN A ON SOMETHING I WILL NEVER USE IN MY LIFE OR WILL EVER HEAR OF UNTIL MY KID IS SITTING NEXT TO ME STRESSED AND WORN OUT AND TIRED BECAUSE THEY HAVE NO CLUE ON HOW TO DO THIS AND I CANT DO A **** THING BECAUSE I DONT REMEMBER **** BUT HEY AT LEAST I PASSED RIGHT?"

I don't feel like taking a shower,
I don't feel like taking a bath,
I just am trying everything,
To get a happy life back.
I'm sick of all the tears,
The depressed smiles,
And stress effects,
I want to be happy,
I want my parents to laugh more than they argue,
I want more positivity than negative,
I want to be given the happiness us 3 deserve.
Maybe life would be easier,
If my prayers were heard,
I try to not ask for much,
I feel as I do,
Then I blame everything on myself,
Just so my parents don't have to,
I want my dad to like his job and stay awake more than he sleeps,
We can sleep when were dead,
I want my mom to be stress free,
Only small worries in her head,
I want my parents to be healthy and happy,
To enjoy the rest of their lives,
Because if they spilt up,
A piece of me will die,
I stay strong for my mom,
Who stays strong for everyone,
I stay strong for my dad,
Because his health seems weak,
I stay strong for everyone I love and care about,
And do the best I can,
I just want everyone to be happy,
Because,
Things are only "okay" in the end.

Someone stop me from texting him back.
Please, i beg of your help.
He pulled my heart out of my chest too many times.
Yet i still want him.
I beg for release.
But something keeps me gravitating towards him.
I need to escape.
I dont want to text him.
But i do.
I should just go to sleep before i get involved again.

I am a dandelion,
You blow all of my hopes an dreams away just for one of yours,
I am a rose,
I look beautiful and stand tall,
But don't get too close because I'll hurt you,
I am a garden,
Many things are growing inside me,
Ideas, creativity, words,
In the beginning you'll take care of me and check on me everyday,
But soon you'll say I can take care of myself,
And everything in me,
Will die.
JD (7:56)

How does it feel to be free?
To have everything you have ever wanted?
To be loved and love all at the same time with one person no complications?
It must be amazing to have everything at the tip of your fingers. Whether that be a cat, dog, rodent. Or a human being laying in your bed at 4 in the early morning with the sun just awaking from its slumber, its rays bouncing off walls, the persons face, your own ****** feautures being warmed from it. Do they have soft skin that you just stroke sometimes unintentionally and it reminds you of that silk night gown your mother used to wear. Is she beautiful? Is he rugged but sweet?
Did you leave the one you used to love because you found someone else and all of a sudden stopped loving because you never really did in the first place?
I bet you did, dont lie.
How does someone do that huh?
Please, i really want to know. How do you go from being in a 15 year relationship/marriage/engagement, and say every night that you love that individual you lay beside, and all of a sudden while doing your daily routine of getting up early for work and going to that local coffee shop for a small black coffee and the daily newspaper for luch time, you see someone. Someone you have never seen on this weekly run. And you say hi and introduce yourself, and you end up late for work.
That person didnt leave your mind once, did they?
As you start not wearing your ring anymore. You switch the placement of it, or you turn it so it just looks like an everyday accessory.
You changed and your love saw that.
So that one day later on, when those divorce papers on the dining table, or your bags of clothes and stuff in your shared home were at the front door, you were shocked and thats when you felt it.
Pain. Hurt. Anger. Shame. Broken.
They knew. You werent as careful as you thought you were, were you?


Now,
you sit at your small apartment on the corner of the worst, dirtiest street. They sit in their amazing home with the new love of their life, a few kids, a dog or cat. They are happy once again. The sad thing is of this whole situation youre in... is that, they still hope the best for you.
Youve hit rock bottom with nothing you love at your fingertips and no one to have there beside you, they are happy and in love.
See how the world works now?

Over protective parents are the enemy of the free wanting child who only wants to run and explore everything the world and its inhabitants have to offer. I am the Maro Roth Spigelman of Mandeville, Louisiana. As much as i do love this place, i want out. But see, people and places are two different things to me. One, i always want to go and explore and come back eventually and find somewhere i dont want to leaveforever; the other i want to find and keep with me physically and mentallyand in my heart and to have travel and run with me and love me for my little things and spontaneous attitude and want for adventure. i want someone to love me as much as i love the world.