There are barely memories left untainted
A childhood cut short
A trusting soul shredded with each stolen touch
Still now, after a lifetime of living,
Of forcibly refusing to be nothing,
Of overcoming everything
Remnants seep through the skin
From the depths of demon's lair
Distant cackles mock the resurgence of nightmares
Scouring pad scrubbies only removed skin
The stink of it remains
Filling every pore
Escaping in a sigh, infectious by design
Time heals nothing
It protects the broken pieces
Masking them behind affection & other surface emotions
The jagged edges of the memory of pain
Still violate innocence
Still ruin a smile before it is born
Used as brutal warnings,
They are jabbed straight through a heart trying desperately to heal
At the first sign of affection, the pain awakens
At the first sign of attachment, it skins the heart alive
Angered at defiance, it burns like molten metal
Scraping at the hardened crevasses of the mind
Searing pain in hidden dreams
Cauterizing the memories open
Reliving the blade time has dulled
Never allowed to love
Even if it's make-believe
Twisted sounds of tinkling music boxes
And the distant laughter of demons
CACKLE AND HISS
Cackle And Hiss
cackle and hiss
Muted into a familiar rhythm
Underlying the complacency of life
Only to scorch a soul into nightmares
When the heart dares to feel

Staring into the distance through a misty window,
hours maybe days, a timeless moment,
I thought I could see her face,
somewhere out in the rain soaked darkness
how much longer must she make me wait?
tip toeing through the whispers and shadows
drowning in these memories and tears.

born poverty stricken, 
she lay her head on no mattress..
still she sung along to mary j. blige, like religious practice..

Stronger with each tear was the motto,
&so; she shed..
Because its hard to have dreams when you don't have a bed..

Its hard to have food for thought when you cant afford bread.
& the local Goodwill is dead..

Her speech was absurdly intact, & well spoken.
you would assume a girl trapped like that, wouldn't be open,
Yet.
Just 14, she showed potential of a graduate, beyond bachelors.
&& in our city record deals are the only time we owned Masters.

beneath those hazel eyes. there lies an old soul,
told, 
by her surroundings her future was a pole. 
bold, 
in her approach, how she stripped away the cold.
now dances in the daisies, dodging Hades, never sold.

&this; is no figment of imagination,
how her eyes hazel pigment, 
had the power to judge a nation.

Because she woke up daily, prepared as **** for that math test..
Though she was born poverty stricken, lay her head on no mattress..




-afj

The music climbs inside my empty shell and fills me up with fountains of color and swirling geometrical patterns, becoming a vortex ready to touch down as soon as the gentle bristles kiss the rough canvas.
Oh, the canvas!
My life raft in a sea of faceless, indifferent individuals who exclude any person with the sense to push back against their idiocy. Anyone strong enough to demand answers.

Andy
Let me just tell you
That I...
I love you.
You're my best friend
I'd never want more
Then that.
You made me smile
For weeks we would talk and laugh and I would nearly get in trouble in math class just to see what you had to say.
You're honestly one of the best friends I could hope for, you showed me purpose when I believed there wasn't any
You don't know how my face and heart would light up when you replied to me
And though we haven't talked in a while I miss you
I'd get a plane ticket out to you and help you accomplish your dreams if I could
Remember when you said we could go live in Seattle and hire an actress to go to gym for me?
Remember?
And we could go to Kansas and you could teleport to get me?
Andy, please...
I know you have no control over it
Three weeks to live...
You deserve three eternities
I'd give them to you if I could
But I can't
No one can
Though I know we all would.
So live your life to the fullest
Use those three weeks to the max,
And never, never give up dear Andy
Fight for us
Fight for me
But don't give in
You
Don't
Have
To
Die,
But
Even
If
You
Do
You
Will
Live
On.