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 Sep 2016 John Rameu
Pax
What's reasonable?
when you clearly don't know
what's enough
from too
much
...
.

The law has dual blades.
It can do bad as much
as it does good.

More often
when you
struck your
lawful blade
never forget
your safety
gloves.
I'm not siding on anyone or anything, as much as possible i am neutral to each sides, know that every story has its duality.

I wrote this when my reason can't get pass to a friend of mine.
Here's the story:
A thief now in ICU because he was caught and was battered almost to death by the house owner of his Target. The debate was on the subject to why our government permits the thief to file a complain(possibly attempted ******) to the owner of the house. I argue on the defense to the thief, he's human rights was ruled out, I was probably wrong on that part or not, i dunno really... But my main reason that my friend perhaps didn't understand is the excessiveness of the owner's punishment. Then probably my friend thinks that I am siding on the fault of the thief that's why I lose the debate, because he deserves to be punished, and yes he deserves it, but clearly we needed to point out a clear line to what's enough from too much.
 Sep 2016 John Rameu
Pax
will  i end up alone
and lonely?
seems like
i can't love
anybody...

in this world
i stay cage
of society's standard,
wanting the things
that seems so superficial...

now i realize
my likes are also
superficial.
they never really
dug deep.

love is superficial
at least to me it is...

in the end
it seems i can't love
myself...

in this world #2


thank you for reading
me...
 Sep 2016 John Rameu
Pax

I am a terrible liar,
no matter how thick
my masks are...

In this land
I feel out of place.

It's hard when
you're often misunderstood.
I just let it be
succumbing to my faults,
to my insecurities,
to my doubts & fears...

I breathe-in the toxic air
and breathe-it-out...
No matter how much
you cleanse the air
that comes,
when you're
stained
it leaves a scar
that's hard to heal.
Then everything comes
to a choice,
**** or be ******.

I have been good
so far...
Letting the river
flows,
never got to swim back
or even fight
the rushing currents.
Pretending to swim is
easy.

In the end,
life is  been
good,
despite happiness
is just a mask.


In this land#3

perhaps this is the last part of the stream of thoughts.
thanks for reading me.
 Sep 2016 John Rameu
Pax
a joke
 Sep 2016 John Rameu
Pax
why? why do you always see
me as a joke?

why does all my actions
speaks something of the other
to you?

in all your life
did you ever feel
that you're being bullied?

i on the other hand
has been,
always been
the center of
your foolish
jokes...

for several months
i treat you as a friend,
and yet i feel that
you treat me as your
puppet
to feed people as
your entertainer...

have you seen what i feel?
guess not,
i hide it too well
between my laughs
as if there funny
to me,
yet deep inside i
know something
is really wrong...

i wish you knew
how far i've
grown tired
of all the repeated
jokes...

someday
if I can't take it
anymore,
I'll explode
and be secluded
as far away from
your
group...
raw...
 Sep 2016 John Rameu
Pax
ashen smog
 Sep 2016 John Rameu
Pax
loneliness has defined
this old soul.
Bittersweet melody
has tuned my way of
living.

I don't know how much
my heart could stand
the weight and wait
for that simple moment,
that single spark
to feel alive
and stop breathing
the ashen smog of reality.
http://hellopoetry.com/poem/1410725/ashen-fields/
from ashen gray to ashen fields
comes, ashen smog...

do they care if I'm loved?

perhaps I'm too comfortable on my
own space and too confined to be bothered.

thank you for reading,
me...
 Sep 2016 John Rameu
Pax
Bitter
 Sep 2016 John Rameu
Pax
Sometimes life has a
bitter ending.
6word story.

Sorry for being away. Not sure i'll come back as soon as after this post. Ive lost my father just afew weeks ago. And im still in mourning even though i still cant believe his gone too soon from us. My friends and family advice me to stay strong. And i will but im not sure for how long, my loneliness and insecurities are eating me up inside. I can only share a few of my struggles. I was glad that i was able to tell my siblings what my inner struggle but im afraid what are they thinking right now, i know they love me but i cant still love myself, i hate thinking how much i dont like myself. I fear so many... i feel so tired at times without reason.  

Dear papa,

I wish your happy now in heaven with mama with you. I know how much you love her and us. Im sorry that sometimes i am not honest to you or i have put much distance between us when im in abroad working. Please don't take it too personally, i just wanted to be alone for awhile, trying to figure out what i want or need and im still searching in vain. Im sorry that im keeping a little disappointment from you,  thinking that you never cared for me. Because youll always say my sisters this and that, and that all your concerns are about their problem. Well i can't blame you, because when you say are you okay there? All i ever reply to you is im good. Even my relatives told me that he doesn't worry about me, perhaps beause they're thinking im too independent on my own that i don't need much of anything. Perhaps im just too good of an actor that they don't see what im struggling for. Okay, im all good now... ill make my life good as long as i still can. Thank you for being such a good father, ill miss you, goodbye...
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