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Feb 2018 · 1.4k
The Retards (harsh but true)
John Bartholomew Feb 2018
Every village, town and city of mass proportion is bound to have some
The ‘didn’t make the grade at school’ so who else will now take them
The parents repugnant, ******, and living off the dole
Breed with each other to produce their spawn, the taxpayer taking this toll

Infesting our lives with their spit and their spat, just turn on Jeremy Kyle
You’ll see what I mean, like a bad daydream, their being is utmost vile
Its entertainment to some who revere in this mess, only glad that its not them
Sulking the streets and just on the scrounge and oh look, their face on the News at Ten

****** is harsh as it’s not what I mean, but it fits the slot so well
So why are they here and what is their use, doesn’t the devil need a hand in hell?
But they exist, and you see them every day, hanging on the corner of the street
Even the village idiot had his job, backwards in kind but still rather sweet

So what do we do in trying to combat this evolution, going backwards in the blink of an eye
Education is wasted and the armed forces is a no, it almost makes me want to stop and cry

So this is the way that the human may go, just look back at the millennia’s past
The dinosaurs failed and the mammoth is gone, just how long are we going to last?

The Retards

JJB
“You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.”
― Mae West

“In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on.”
― Robert Frost

“Life is what happens to us while we are making other plans.”
― Allen Saunders
Feb 2018 · 366
The Act
John Bartholomew Feb 2018
Are we just actors in a play by God
Put here for him to play whilst bored on his other job
A game of sorts, with devilish cohorts, just dice for them to throw
Its all just pretend, no script or friend as once seen in the Truman Show

How many are there, moving us around from a place of unknown premise
Black holes dissolve and planets collide, Gods bored with destructive menace
We believe in so many powers but who is the real McCoy
Us just sat here for millions of years, scared of death and what comes next
But we are just their little toys

The Act

JJB
“We are all broken and wounded in this world. Some choose to grow strong at the broken places.”
― Harold J. Duarte-Bernhardt

“...he seemed to grasp a deep understanding of the unfolding drama in which he had been caught. He seemed to understand something that few of even the wisest men of his day understood...God wanted a broken vessel.”
― Gene Edwards, A Tale of Three Kings

“All God does is watch us and **** us when we get boring. We must never, ever be boring.”
― Chuck Palahniuk, Invisible Monsters

“I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.”
― Oscar Wilde
Feb 2018 · 954
Kid of the Nineties
John Bartholomew Feb 2018
Touring the cities of England and the UK
Back of a transit van, rocking up to anywhere that paid
The brothers Grimm and their trusty cohorts
Bonehead on rhythm, McCarroll on drums, Guigsy up to all sorts

That gig at the Wah Wah, King Tuts to be precise
Glasgow you beauty, **** the next show up in Fife
The man that found them, a mister Alan McGee
A Britpop revolution, all great memories

They came and most failed, that one gig on Top of The Pops
Menswear to Mansun and an array of rank haircuts where the seagulls did flock
We had the trendies in Camden all hanging around on their scooters with parka’s
Noel or Liam and that fella from Echobelly, anything to be famous and get on the telly

But then the times must end and it all turned a little sour
A few trudged on with an album or two, the Manics to Cast and the lyrics from John Power
Patsy and Liam had that cover on the front of Vanity Fair
Draped in Britannia, divorce on the cards, strange how no-one now cares

Good times they were without a worry in the world and a now gone era
Euro 96, Southgate’s miss and those goals from Teddy and Shearer
A time well remembered and days I’d love to see back
If not only for the music but for the not caring and the unforeseen great craic

Not to hate the now as times move on
But a day in the past, served at seventeen and to claim you were the one
Not to be asked I.D. and sneakily drink that Stella
laughing at the bar, king of the blaggers, not to be served again by that same fella

Before the phone and the apps, we used to meet face to face
Girl at the bar, a bit of blarney and a home number to suit, always up for the chase
Do you ring tomorrow and who’s going to answer
Her mum might be alright, but her dad could be a ******!

I couldn’t imagine doing it all again now
Swipe left to say no or right to give it a go
Seems inhuman to me not to spark up a chat
But maybe that’s just me, stuck in past, I’m just old hat.

JJB
A sphincter says what? - Wayne's World
Feb 2018 · 597
A Million Thoughts
John Bartholomew Feb 2018
If you are not like me then you will never probably see
The million thoughts I dream of being everyday
A sailor, a wrestler, but never a candlestick maker (ambition people, come on!)

We all think outside the box but end up never breaking out
Tesco’s, stuck on the till, idealist conceptions up on a hill but sat here earning nowt

Its human instinct to better yourself
Flunked GCSE’s, a mortgage to pay but still dreaming of better days

Am I the only one who thinks like this
I work to live, not live to work, the optimist in me always wanting his bliss

Life begins to **** this wanting of a concept
Sorry lads, the time is now, be like them and live with the debts

It’s what you do that counts, that journey from start to finish
Live like a king or slide away and diminish,

A million thoughts

JJB
"It is better to fail in originality than to succeed in imitation." -- Herman Melville
"Opportunities don't happen. You create them." -- Chris Grosser
"Success is walking from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm." -- Winston Churchill
John Bartholomew Jan 2018
You think my desires are flawed and my head is mad
I like things to a max but sometimes it’s a passing fad
Let me see that game I like but don’t think I’m crazy
Some days I just can’t be arsed so best call me lazy

I like what I like its just human nature
But obsession is for the ****** so let me rest those fears
I love you she says its only been a week
Her last boyfriend now dead, better order me my wreath

Clutched in the realms of a lover now deluded
I only went there for a quickie, well we all have our uses
Can’t she see the open door to another lay
Please leave me alone and get out of my way

Gripped with those nails now digging in
She mentions the word marriage as we are living in sin
Well that’s it I suppose, no getting away now
Tom, **** or Harry, name any tunnel to get away from that cow

Obsessed to the hilt, am I that attractive
Drunken words in the bar were not supposed to be seductive
I give up running, you beat me, you’ve won
Together for life, no getting away now, time to dig out that gun

As I sum up this sad story of a night gone completely wrong
These are lyrics that I just couldn’t fit into a song
She loved me too much and that’s the title to this escapade
A devoted girl dead after a night of just wanting to get laid,

Obsessed.

JJB
“Far from a normal-functioning relationship, but normal has never been our thing.”
― Anna Todd, After We Fell

“We yearn for a stranger to poke around in our heart. Such an irrational thing it is. Flutter once and lunacy behold.”
― H.S. Crow
Jan 2018 · 696
Football
John Bartholomew Jan 2018
Pick a team from the local to the ten counties away
Inherited from your father or defiant like no other
Typical football fan that likes a bit of banter
No way I’ll be the same as my brother

Be it a County or a Town, there will always be days where you’ll have to frown
From striker to the keeper, mistakes are made where someone acted the clown
But when Saturday comes that will all be forgotten
Hat-trick from the Spaniard you’re once again smitten

The rivalries increase from City to United
Yours will always be the best team well that’s what your dad said
From the Celtic to the Rangers down to the Arsenals and the Hotspurs
Trouble has brewed for years without a kick-start or a stir

And then the billionaires stepped in and made it a business
Money to be made from the working class through to the Stubhub ticket
The tout on the street is an illegal source of income
Whack on a tax and the Governments blind eye is now looking handsome

So how far can this escalate with wages and ticket price entry
The first player worth a billion is only a few years away
Stadiums that hold a capacity where nobody can actually see
You think I’m making a joke, it’s all on the horizon believe me,
It’s a way of life,
Football

JJB
“I don’t believe skill was, or ever will be, the result of coaches. It is a result of a love affair between the child and the ball.” - Roy Keane
“Football is the ballet of the masses.” - Dmitri Shostakovich
“I’m a rock star because I couldn’t be a soccer star.” - Rod Stewart
"The trouble with referees is that they know the rules, but they don't know the game." - Bill Shankly
Jan 2018 · 573
False Front
John Bartholomew Jan 2018
We all want to live the high life, but few can ill afford it
The glamour the glitz to dining at the Ritz, a means to which we could all be easily adjusted
But the nine till five pays pittance for those shots in Hello and Vogue
The dreamer can dream their dreams while living off that hefty loan

The Range Rover, the Levante, the Lexus RX, who wouldn’t be jealous of a little luxury
The clothes to the house with security and lights, boy you must be worth a few pennies
Erroneousness and the falsehood of a life well concealed
Paying back that percentage rate from which you may now reel

The reality is your just keeping up with the Jones's
Penny pinching is a way of life but best not show the neighbours
Walk on with your head held high in the knowing that all’s not good
Struggling to pay the bills and sometimes even your food

So here comes the bail out from someone close by
Indebted to your eyeballs without the decency to even cry
The banks would laugh at your misgivings knowing the debt was in their hands
But you carry on, it’s a way of life hanging onto that final strand

You’re in the clear, all debt is gone, time to make a fresh new start
A second hand Fiesta, *** burns in the seat, what happened to my big shiny car
The mums at the gate all talking in sneers, now that I’m out of the pack
Fill out that online form, more credit to burn, time to get back on track,
and revitalize that false front.

JJB
The recession won’t be over till we raise a generation that knows how to live on what they’ve got. – Unknown
Jan 2018 · 1.6k
Window Gazing
John Bartholomew Jan 2018
As I sit here just chewing the cud
Nights lost and debauched with my friend Richard
Picking up that guitar as a kid from Cash Converters
He left me for the sun down under with the students and the surfers

E Minor through to a chord named A Sharp
Strangling that neck with fingers that don’t know where to start
I should have listened to Mr Hogarth for this career in its finest form
Rocking out on stage wow that would have been a storm

But it’s never too late to try and give it another go
Read music they say but I wouldn’t know my **** from my elbow
No, no, no, that’s not the attitude
I’ll plug this thing and never give up as someday I’ll fill those smoky rooms

I joined a band with 2 brothers and bassist of whom I did not know
Mill Hill practice every Sunday just thought I’d give it a go
But only one song and a commitment I could not keep it was always bound to fail
I’ll carry on solo still looking on but really just chasing my own tail

Work carried on as a plumber of which I never did really enjoy
But it paid the bills
A mortgage
A van
And a wedding on the horizon
All in sight except for that unseen tree which nearly stopped me from ever rising

Paraplegic is a word I had rarely ever used
you’re a *******, a ****, I had said once myself how dare I have used that abuse
To be told you will never walk again is a shot that broke my heart
Don’t let it get you down be strong and try for a brand new start
The days go by at the start of this new journey
The loss of once friends and to gain some new is now what must ground me
A different perspective and a sharper humour has now unveiled
Hello new world you won’t get me down just watch this beast unravel

Taking the good with the bad and filtering through the ugly
A different ship to now set sail, get ready for this could get choppy
But as I say and always repeat, life goes on its just how you take it
This second chance given to me a bit lower down, but still determined to make it,
Hey Mr Wheelchair.

JJB
“I had learned quickly that life doesn't always go the way I want it to, and that's okay. I still plod on.”
― Sarah Todd Hammer, Determination

“Know me for my abilities, not my disability.” Robert M. Hensel

“My disability has opened my eyes to see my true abilities.” Robert M. Hensel
Jan 2018 · 555
Easy Tiger
John Bartholomew Jan 2018
Times turn for that night on the town
All week at work and now it’s time to be found
This way or that way a few shots at the bar,
A pint or two now just settle the nerves
Skin on skin if it’s Sonny or Cher
A night back at mine for I don’t really care

You’re a desperate case of loving if that’s what you want
Anywhere will do if you drink from that font

Hello, from the ***** side of drinking
Hello, just what had you been thinking
Had enough, of this desperate kind of torture
Time to change, to a newer type of nature

A new you well that’s what you’re thinking
Giving up on highs and the ugly side of sinking
A road of new signs, travel now to somewhere
That new name, taken out of fresh air
Let’s build this man, another to mix with the yes I cans
Married with that job, no different from you and me man

You’re a desperate case of loving if that’s what you want
Anywhere will do if you drink from that font

Hello, from the ***** side of drinking
Hello, just what had you been thinking
Had enough, of this desperate kind of torture
Time to change, to a newer type of nature

So, this is me, fresh new eyes to a world of cynicism
The choices I once now made open to your scepticism
Times move on so let’s forget the mistakes I made
I was young and open to most things I’m afraid
There’s no next time so lets just try it now
You’re along time dead, just give it all a go
Its goodbye from me as I take my final bow,
Easy tiger.

JJB
Jan 2018 · 236
The Fall-Back Option
John Bartholomew Jan 2018
Happy as Larry who ever he once was with the partner of your dreams
Full of life and to tell the world were so joyous and as bright as two fresh sunbeams
But it’s there
It will always be there
That fall-back option
With the one that could always and might just hurt her
Simmering away, popping up in random thought, always on the back burner

The split, you saw it coming, how could this heaven just carry on
That roaming eye, always on the prowl, who do you think you are, the Fonz (eh)
But you cared
You always cared
For that one that got away
Another path for you to walk down, give her a ring, what’s the worst that she could say?

A tragedy now unfolds, how could this of happened, a date of lost proportions
Hanging on for that lost soul, it didn’t go well, best tread with foreseen caution
I have been such a fool
Breaking that unwritten rule
Love has its borders of which he did not see
Lets set sail again, a new love to find on these choppy waters of loves iniquities

JJB
Dec 2017 · 284
One
John Bartholomew Dec 2017
One
We all came from the same source
Be it the sea, the sky or falling with the rain
All developing on the same course
Growing where nature always finds its way

Whether you’re white, black or a different taint from the sun
Why can’t we just live in peace and all be as one
The wars we fight get us nowhere in life
As when were we told that battles and scars were for the right

From boys and girls onto men and the older woman
Living life has its ups and downs as this has already been proven
The easy ride is made up in movies and dreams
At some point we all lose our heads and run out of steam

Even the son of creation had his own backstabber
Your one of the boys until something comes along better
Sway to the left on this good path we now stroll
Judas so be it, many more good souls to enrol

So, who do we trust from this pool of now millions
Your own father and son, the choice can be minimal
Even your family can have its own non-dependencies
It’s a hard slog this life when we all have our emergencies

If the one is really is out there, and you feel you have found
Then keep them wrapped up, close to your side but not too tightly bound
We all need our freedom but not to stray that far
The universe is a mighty big place, keep them safe, treat them with love and make sure you hold onto that star

JJB
Dec 2017 · 419
Overkill
John Bartholomew Dec 2017
Do it again, do it again, just for the make sure of it
Twist it twice and make it right just for the hell of it
A job twice done is a mindset for the best
Lets just call it overkill
All our minds at rest

Overbake it for the shear defiance of it
I know what’s best even if you don’t believe me for it
A job twice done is a mindset for the best
Let’s just call it overkill
Never to be put to the test

Adding the cuts to the film ever though its finished
Leave them to the floor and best left banished
A job twice done is a mindset for the best
Let’s just call it overkill
Now torn to pieces by the press

Overkill is for the masters of nothing
If they cannot see what’s not needed,
then on their head be it
Sometimes you must leave what’s supposed to be
Not straining for that extra clip-it

JJB
Nov 2017 · 392
Brexit
John Bartholomew Nov 2017
Cast your mind back to 1973
If you wasn't there then you’re in the same boat as me
But Great Britain joined the EEC to make this land a force
So what had we been doing wrong beforehand to lead us on this course

We'd sailed this planet and conquered nations to show them of our pride
The smallest country in the mix of many, no one shoves us to one side
Spaniards tried and failed so bad who else wants to have a go
The Germans twice so anyone else, your dice in the ring, come on and give them a throw

But tactics have changed and evolved with the times, political is our new hurdle
Tony opened the gates and the waves came in, Blair’s fault or now Mrs Merkel?

No matter how you did vote it was a shock to us all that we now set sail on this boat we've named Britannia
29th of March, 2019, we raise anchor and set sail into a gulf of unknown venture

But British spirit much prevail as it always has if it still lingers to blow gust in these new sails
******* towards Brussels, out on our own, with this we cannot fail

We’ve done it before and we can do it again it just depends who might follow
Only time will tell if it was the choice to make or may have to beg steal and borrow


JJB
Nov 2017 · 575
An Every Man.
John Bartholomew Nov 2017
A reason to love me
you need a reason to love me
Come and speak and I'll show you the hard way
What jumps out of my mouth never meant to be offensive
Something to say, bring it on, the fence is somewhere I'll never sit
A reason to love me
you need a reason to love me
The face department never screamed I'm a looker
A line of flattery, absurd over indulgence, yeah that should hook her
Just don’t expect to much as like most I’m part failure
A reason to love me
you need a reason to love me
having goals that will probably never be reached
I’m just like him, run of the mill
I know what I know and that you cannot teach
A reason to love me
you need a reason to love me
always dreaming of a better tomorrow
a charmed life if you just beg steal and borrow
I’ll climb so high but not up Kilimanjaro
A reason to love me
you need a reason to love me
I’m not driving around in a brand new Audi A6
if you want a city boy then he’ll do the trick
I’m happy where I am out here in the sticks
A reason to love me
you need a reason to love me
well you’ve seen what I’ve got and that’s me to a tee
never fighting to hard so sod it
what will be will be
A reason to leave me
you need a reason to leave me
a summing up of a life just every day and ordinary
what was you expecting, Clark Kent or some other story
sorry my love, that’s just me, an every man, subtle and slightly boring

JJB
Nov 2017 · 275
The Power
John Bartholomew Nov 2017
We live our lives always needing more power
Changing our lives to a different set of items that need just another hour
My iphone
My Samsung
My office presentation
Shown to all that will listen by that software
Which its point is its power
Power
Power
Power

Did we always need this consumption that drains us on a daily basis
Stocking up on rations in war while the legions try to invade us
Its food
Its water
Its what we need to survive
Look at what we've become when we just need to thrive, yes
Power
Power
Power

Lets go to war and make our country stronger
New lands to ravage for historians to wonder why and ponder
Its harvesting
Its farming
Its boundaries and new borders
But to rule the world would be a sin, yes
Power
Power
Power

Comes in all shapes and sizes this lust we all now need
Human instinct now put to rest
So long as we have good broadband speed
Its tablets
Its laptops
Its the fear of it just dropping dead
As long as its on charge close to hand beside our bed, yes
Power
Power
Power

We all need that bit more power

JJB
Nov 2017 · 229
The User
John Bartholomew Nov 2017
They will come in all colours with different sized feet
From the girl in the chip shop to the Bobby on the beat
Useful for something they could not quite reach
They'll use what they can whilst draining you like a leech

They come in all shapes and sexes
Hence the majority will be your one time exes
Grateful at the time for the experience bold and new
Now left on the pile just simmering away with the plenty and the few

They ring you when its something you never really expected
A coffee in the park
A chat on the past
And then boom
A cash loan in their pocket
You'll soon get it back with a slap on the back
Followed by a cheque that will never clear

They know their intentions but its never once mentioned
This pain they cause to us all
If its not money then its friendship
This false sense of kinship
That fools us and hurts when it falls

The user is a coward
Desperate to climb that tower
That you built whilst they weren't watching

The user is a prey
Conniving everyday
Just watch where your next step may take you

The User

JJB
Apr 2017 · 385
A Social Need to Bore
John Bartholomew Apr 2017
Don't talk to me about losing weight, how many kids you've got and what you've just ate.
Don't bombard me with your love for a man, the love that you can and that love that you've just banned.
Try and dazzle me with a new rhetoric, a thousand pics of your new pet and tell us all it's been worth it.
A couple of words can mean so much more than a shopping list of hate that can be such a bore.
So let's go for a drink, reminisce, top it up until we both both regret that dumb kiss.
Waking up, a blur of regrets but it's what we both wanted at the time.
Sitting on the tube, how far to go now, wondering if they've posted anything online.
But hey, we're a long time dead, and life's a short time to waste
You've tried the main meal, you skipped the dessert but life has it's other things to taste.
I've done it myself, a few things to tell, like jam I just bought, Fortnum and Mason to make it a boast
It tasted supreme, champagne in mix, the only way to eat your morning toast.
And after a while, it just drags us all down, time to find another site to spread my boring social litter
MySpace has gone, and LinkedIn's just work, time to join that place they all call Twitter.

JJB
Jan 2017 · 224
Loveless
John Bartholomew Jan 2017
It's been to long
it's been and gone
this love that we once had

A loveless hug
An emotionless drug
That now makes me so sad  

It starts off huge
This heartbeat move
Now faded in the past

Life twists and turns
The heart it yearns
For new hope in the sun now rising

Move on move out
This time is now
New love on the near horizon.

J.J.Bartholomew
Oct 2015 · 930
Just John
John Bartholomew Oct 2015
Was he a disciple or just a friend of Jesus
So many to choose from it carries on through the ages
Whether you hail from the sunny realms of Brazil as Juan
Or lead your life on the bus tops of Paris, showboating to the tourists as Jean
you are always just John

Did you see that goal on Sunday in Barnsley from Pedro
crossed in on a sixpence by that guy on loan from Bristol
Parading as the next man to steal the footballing thrown from Beckham
Just a council house kid from the block down in Peckham
again, just John

Kissing the Blarney stone an excuse for his gob
the banter the laughter hiding the rile in his job
that day in Ireland that Sean always dreams of
going back would be heaven, to find the girl he should have once loved
again, just John

The shores of Naples looking out over the sea
Ischia, Procida, Capri, the place he’d rather be
behind lays dormant, Vesuvius once angry
Pompeii, Herculaneum destroyed in its fury
now time to spread his net and look for new shores
only Gino knows it’s time to open new doors
again, just John

No matter where you are from
there is somebody like you just struggling along
troubles brew in every corner of this planet
don’t think it’s just you who really cannot stand it
again, just John

Difficulty is rife no matter where you seem to look
your boss is a grievance and you wish them long gone
but it’s not just you, it’s you and every other John
so I’ll say it again without a look in the mirror
I know your stress my friend because I am that man
yes that is me
I am just John

— The End —