I've become so stressed
Every little thing,
from what dress to a salad with cress?
I have forgotton what makes me even tick
What makes me smile,
from words on the crossword to my morning sick
And from my tick onto my tock
What still fits ,
What do I wear from my joggers to a frock
To calculate my brain from maths to a sudoku sum,
these used to be so easy
Jeez, what have I become?
My legs just keep kicking and are now so restless
A kick now inside out,
this babys just wants h** final exit
Still months to go but getting all so bigger
Every day some more weight on,
I cannot wait for its final ****** trigger!

JJB

No date no time
Just in these arms of mine
Nothing could prepare you
That tea your final brew
No last words
It would have been somethimg absurd
Obviously to just make you laugh
Thundercats on TV with that ginger brat Snarf
A cartoon to throw me back to my youth
Oasis on the wireless with aint that the truth
Those final tears as we cuddle and regretfully cried
A day never to be relived again
The day I died

JJB

Thats nice
Oh, I like that
It'll look good on the shelf
Now stuck in that drawer, gathering ill heath
The football programmes
The bottles of bleach from the Tenerife sun-tan
The school nativity play from your neighbour Stan
All shoved in the closet
With the receipt for the apartment deposit
Gathering dust for that day that you want it
Forgotten in the turns of time
Like that vinegar once bought decayed in brine
Stuck in the cupboard behind the lemon and lime
We look at it and always sadly mutter
I love it
I'll use it one day
This endless debris of useless, worthless, selfless,

Clutter

Restraints, complaints, lifes been on the taint
Thrown us into a world we'd all never known
Lockdowns and get downs but not to no jazzy funk
A life we've all unwantingly been thrown
Whats right
Whats wrong
We didnt think it would last this long
Still covering our face from the deadliest of bugs
The nay sayers
The everyday prayers
The fools on life support who just didnt care
Anxiety attacks
The toughest of men who normally have your back
Just break down when their world immedietely turns black
There is a light though in from this 2020 tunnel
As we grab it to the ground and hit back with a pummel
Suffocate it in a headlock and **** it as it stumbles
For we are better than some poxy Chinese manmade curse
We'll watch it die and lend it no nurse
As we are stronger than this and not here just as a rehearse.

Better Than This.

JJB

A cupboard full of cups all of which are assorted
Some you like
Some you loathe
Some should just be aborted
Now I can't throw that away as it's not mine to drink
A present, a holiday place when at the time you didnt think
That football you team you despise but your partner just loves
Or their unicorn standing tall releasing turtle doves (come on)
But you frown and leave them to be
Pushed to the back so that no one can actually see
You pick the same 4 mugs on a daily basis
One for tea, one for lunch and your favourite, your secret
Its a sad state of affairs when you have your priorities
Which is best for a cup-a-soup over your mug of tea
But I think this is what makes us a total breed apart
We stop
We think
We look in the sink
As a cup of tea is the only way to start.

JJB

I'm ******* at saying goodbyes
I'm ******* at using chopstix to catch fireflies
I'm ******* at emotions when I just sit and sigh
I'm ******* at love when all I do is cry
I'm ******* at my job when I just sit and daydream
I'm ******* as fishing when I want a whopper only ending up with a minnow or a small bream
I'm ******* at film endings when all is not what it seems
I'm ******* at most things,
but that's what makes life wonderful,
topped with a bit of squirty cream!

******* is just normal, trust me.

JJB

Nobody is ill
Nobody has died
Nobody has spoken of bad

But something is missing

Something just isn't right
Something is wondering tonight
Something is hovering like a kite

In that gut reaction

Pulling at you like traction
Pulling apart those mathematical fractions
Pulling at those grey cells for a little sanction

But there its sat lingering

Just toying and tinkering
Just hanging on out of the sinking
Just leaving you lost and still wondering

That horrible feeling

JJB

When did we lose it
That pow
That zip
That zap
That day mid-thirties you look in the mirror
And you've become a little bit fat
That get up-and-go
Now you've become slow
Watching life mould and your toenails grow
Your friends become distant
As you wonder of their existance
Followed on Facebook for their stories of fiction
It really is sad
Was our friendship just a fad
As we drift into the old and once had
Does life become a trot
Knowing the cold from the hot
And where in life is our best spot
Or is it a a case of embrassing lifes span
You done your best and all that you can
It's not me man
You just became all boring, man

JJB

If coffee is your pick me up
Some toast, brush your teeth and then a sup
of course, from your favourite cup
A little toing and throwing
Once that storms been brewing
Then stick the telly on for the daily stewing
JV with his band of ever ready journalists
Some too gobby, some too shy, the odd one taking the, ahem
All settled down by that voice from the Scottish mist
Men seem to sway to the sound of her calming charm
The women mainly agree after the wake up of their alarm
Still sat on the sofa in your quilt, just to keep warm
A pick me up for your everyday commit
Two hours of fun, frolics, politics and while you just sit
And think about how to keep going and just to keep fit

A Storm is Brewing

JJB

It's a day we never know coming
Could be anything
ANYTHING
An accident
A car crash
A mafia whack
And you just think you'll go on forever
Well listen up
Today is Tuesday
It could be any day
But it is today
I won't say how
I won't say why
But it's going to be a today
Tuesday.
Who knew?

JJB

Game face that's been all for show
Twisted arms when the wind still blows
Lost leaves on this dying breeze
No noise
No snivels
Not even a sneeze
Lonely stood in a desert field
Waters gone nothing left to yield
God's will to breed a human race
A silent tear rolls down his face
So what's next in his tricks and branding
To outdo,
his,
Last tree standing.

JJB

I'll give you dinosaurs
I'll give you world wide wars
I'll give you religions all to believe
I'll give you sights you can never unsee
I'll give you trends all to wear
I'll give you people for whom you won't care
I'll give you diseases for those who do stare
I'll give you a cure to avoid a wheelchair
I'll give you a choice if you believe all this to be true
I'll give you a minute and I'll get back to you

God.

JJB

This is neither poem nor query
Just a thought on that last final theory

What does rhyme with that word we know as death?
As the world finally stops turning and man sighs his final last breath

Our brains won't let us dig that far as it scares us to our wits
Go on, give it a go, you'll just come back in bits

It's the finality that our God's will never let us try to think
For we never know of that final second that just leaves us on the brink

Life is so sacred it cannot be loaded like a Commodore 64 tape
Its to be lived once, fully loaded, not in bouts and in breaks

So what is your last question before you step through those holy gates?
After this life are there any more, as I'd like a few more goes at those awkward first dates!

I don't think I have ever been 'normal'
One that ticks every box
Ever so pleasant and formal
But who does walk this never trodden line?
One so boring it'll never be remembered in time
As I like the path that ridicules and perceives
That man they always talk about,
A legend like Jimmy Greaves
Don't tow the line to just fit in like the rest
Be extravagant
Be that jealous talent
Be the ****** best

JJB

The world is a machine
Everyday running on human tasks
7 billion of us just the same
All wearing our Covid masks
It judder's to a start when we first arise
We stretch
We yawn
And work until its time for beddybyes
Now if that one person tells you they're not
A part of this operation all working as one
Then my friend they cannot see,
That they are its final component
In this megalithic device
For they are just,
a cog.

JJB

You make me smile in your ever lost misery
And sleep as sound as a dry riverbed once purred
Words that reveal
That heal
And just make the final seal for my prayers
As I look to the God's as I kneel
I'm gay
I'm straight
I'm as bent as the next partner I feel
I am what I am
Hence, goodbye

And sigh......

JJB

The good Lord watches
I sit and watch with him
(He nods in agreement)
He gives it ten minutes
(His face saddens and frowns in disappointment)
Yes my Son, I now see why you must leave her
A reason is not only yours until you have an agreement
I feel the Lords eye was my biggest nod and waver for this unwanted decision as,
We all have our reasons.

JJB

I know I'm a nice bloke but we all have our faults
I talk a good talk but need to tighten a few bolts
We slap on some make up to cover our flaws
But being a gentleman I'd still hold open your door
I can't afford the Caribbean so it's a caravan in Wales
We can get drunk in the local pub and listen the locals tales
I'd rather stick with my mates than the hoi polloi set
Hey, that's just my choice,
Nobody's perfect

JJB

What is the purpose of this visit?
Is time on Earth just a phase
An appearance to say hello, goodbye,
I only popped in for a minute
For some people seem to transcend,
and not even say goodbye
While others just don't leave, please go, you've had your ****** time
Because sometimes I'd just like to appear without even saying hello
I've done my bit, toodlepip, its time for me to go

Cameo

JJB

The last lockdown stuck in house
Running out of conversation with your once loved spouse
Ideas are blank now due to the monotony
Its starting to feel like a nationwide lobotomy
This is how it must feel to be a Government led zombie

#killmenow

JJB

Laying still its 4am and I can hear the birds sing
Not a noise in the air including the planes wings
The world is in panic over the covid and the cure
But hearing not a noise around is Earth at its pure
Thinking of times not relying on phones and the trends
To wake up to day one where life is on the mend

Reset

JJB

Guys! You have ten minutes. Ten Minutes!
A clatter as a pan hits the ground
The presenter looks with a smile but not a sound
A raised brow and a flurry of panic
The fear in their eyes all trying to cook organic

You won't believe it but Courtney was just necking Craig by the pool
Shut up! No way!
Seriously
After just telling us all he's gonna propose to Abbey when he gets out
And Abbey's watching this?
Uh huh
What a ****
You know that
A complete ****
It's gonna cause a spat
Unbelievable

I was told by my teacher that I had a voice
But working the tills at ASDA was my only choice
Then this lady heard me humming as I scanned through her Spam
She dragged me to her agent as we rode the Manchester tram
I sang
She cried
I'd never sang with such pride
And hear I stand with Ant and Dec
Cameras on with nowhere to hide

Guys! You have two minutes. two minutes!
Etc. Etc. Etc.............And Repeat

JJB

Now this depends on the colour of the pill
The one to make you high or the one to make you ill
If you're in the mood for searing riffs by Jimmy Page
Or you think that **** belongs in another age
Along with the teeth picking tunes by Jimi Hendrix
You'd rather sit in silence eating your Weetabix
Those six string gods such as Clapton and Chuck Berry
Now for a game of domino's with Pete and old Terry
The jukebox here plays the modern from Gaga and onto Oasis
The barmaid likes the older man, let's hope I meet her analysis
She puts on some older songs, The Beatles and The Kinks
Reeling off some other stuff, miss it if you blink
Then the rumour does come true as she catches me with her eye
Back to hers with some cans and a kebab,
Rock and Roll will never die

JJB

Certain things stir the soul
Some are good and some take their toll
A penchant for coffee just to wake you up
One will do and then its onto endless cups
You only watch one episode as its all on Netflix
Then it rolls into the next just to get your fix
It becomes a drug, not doing what is best
Just drag yourself away as it becomes a test
The human heart just wants what is more
Until it gets its need,
It strikes
It shoots
It scores

Addicted

JJB

Tick Tock Tick Tock 

The unstoppable noise from the wall and the clock
Battery malfunction is its only means of stop

From day one our clocks started setting
And an end date still has us betting

For it guides us in our everyday forms of life
From being late to work onto a barney with the trouble and strife

Even the dog knows what time he's to be fed
Until the day is done and upstairs to bed

As time is the invisible line we cannot hurry or cross
The world spins in motion to the suns gravity who is the real boss

It keeps us rectified onto a sole purpose and a meaning
Or is God just watching us on his box, his own Netflix he is just streaming.

Time

Tick Tock Tick Tock


JJB

And why do you wear just one sock Tom?
Hey, that's for me to know, and for you to find out.

The other sock?

That was worn by his brother, Ronald.
And his nickname?
Go figure

JJB

That shining light we both once had
It trickles to a dim flicker and into a fad
I would try and make these words loving and long
But like my love for you a hapless worry
Now unconvincing and just gone
Its so true and yes, Christ yes,
I'm sorry

JJB

Run!
Run!
Just keep running!
That's it!
Oh wait, what's that?
Stop
Sniff something I'm convinced might be interesting
Its not
I hear you
I hear my name (..........)
Again (..........)
Still not sure,
Got to keep running
Run!
Run!
Run!

JJB

Our chats are very one sided
My views and hers are one side blinded
She stares at the passing men in somewhat dismay
They wouldn't choose their wifes dress from me, yep, probably gay
I dress her like she'd ravish the town
Some older ladies look away with what could be called a frown
Now wearing from the 60's in a what was known as a microskirt
Back in the day it made attention and got the guys to all flirt
But now I've moved onto the secondhand clobber in a shop they call Oxfam
Where most of the clothes do stink a bit and are mainly bought by your nan

JJB

Back in my teens I'd laugh at anyone for the craic
I didnt see that humour divides and lead down certain tracks
From get goers on The Word to Chris Evan's mate on TFI Friday
Even EuroTrash to Julian Clary's ever so camp and gay,
any humour hit the spot for me.

But life has changed.

Times have changed.

Humour has drastically changed.

This modern selection just finds me searching for more
The list is demographic, edgeless, toothless, even analytical to its core
You can't laugh at that as it may upset someone with less money
Give me Joan River's who didn't give two *****, honey
I miss the ruthlessness of Billy Connely, and that once of Frankie Boyle
Who seems to have quivered into the PC, just sunk into the modern soil

And the crowd that dominate just blend into oblivion
From Romesh Ranganathan to Ross Noble, Alex Brooker to Josh Widdecombe
TV programmes such as Citizen Khan onto the utterly humourless show called Mum
At least Blackadder had us in stitches and was a bit of fun!

Or maybe it's just me and I havent adapted to this modern world
Perhaps I'm stuck in the past and caught in a slightly off centre right wing whirl
Whatever it is I do still love some comics on the circuit that don't tire,
Jimmy Carr to Mickey Flanagan, old clips of Bill Hicks and the always brilliant Michael McIntyre

And my favourites such as Frank Skinner and onto Lee Mack
The others,
please,
somebody give them the sack.

JJB

Long since being a kid, he dismissed his parent bought toys
The Tonka truck and football, they were just for boys
He rummaged through his mums cupboard, tried on her high heels
Feeling taller and more ladylike, he loved the way they feel
Putting on lipstick once, he was bullied in the school yard
The lads all gathered round, throwing sticks and a plastic bollard
Crying in the boys toilets, not knowing what he'd done wrong
Mrs Miller came in with an arm, humming a lovely song
Gathering strength, momentum and a new face
It's a life I want to live, even if I'm now called Grace
As this is the way I want to be forever,
Yes,
Diamonds are for Trevor

JJB

When your heart is black and broken
And its weeks since we have spoken
I'm hoping it's not been sixteen years wasted in time
When there have been others waiting in line
For love is a one off thing
Not bound by words and a settlement ring
But by hope and a life we could be doing
Instead sat at the window,wondering,with a piece of gum
Just endlessly chewing

JJB