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John Bartholomew Apr 2020
You'll stand in line,
You'll smile,
You'll politely remark,
You'll wonder, are they infected,
You'll hold in that tiny tickled cough,
You'll look at your watch,
You'll kindly clap the NHS worker at the front of the queue,
You'll think to yourself, your glad that's not you,
You'll wonder if you really need more milk,
You'll ponder about the calories and the deserts not to eat,
You'll puff your cheeks, how much longer here on my feet,
You'll be grateful it's not rations during the war
You'll thank the girl who greets you at the door

For this is a time to be grateful for the key workers and the queues
And not to be dismissive of these lifesaving 2 metre blues


John Bartholomew Jun 2018
We can't just go on feeling like this
A kick, a comment, refused a goodbye kiss
That verbal black eye that might have well have been a fist

People around you not really giving a ****
You'll be OK, just think of the others, they're stuck in a rut
Not me, oh no, I need a change of luck

So where do I start and what direction to take
A new job, a new start, a spruce of my CV with grades that are fake
That boss that can have a laugh, taking me on out of good grace

A change would do you good once sang Sheryl Crow
Start a new path and leave the rest in tow
Waking up with a perk instead of feeling so ****** low

Coursing that path is an easy thing to write
Jumping in-front of that speeding traffic, yes its a big fright
But you have to move your story and take that daring bite

For this cannot carry on forever as somethings has to be arranged
Sail for new seas on a ship and to be blown in a different way
As this is what I need, new shores, new goals, something so simple


A change.

A decision made at night may be changed in the morning - Samoan

All good things must come to an end - H.H. Riley (1857)

As the sun's shadow shifts, so there is no permanence on earth - Afghan
Certain things stir the soul
Some are good and some take their toll
A penchant for coffee just to wake you up
One will do and then its onto endless cups
You only watch one episode as its all on Netflix
Then it rolls into the next just to get your fix
It becomes a drug, not doing what is best
Just drag yourself away as it becomes a test
The human heart just wants what is more
Until it gets its need,
It strikes
It shoots
It scores


John Bartholomew Jul 2018
You laughed
You really did laugh
At a joke so morbid yet clear
Seen as a sin
Now straight in the bin
To chuckle at something so near
I'm hurt
Were hurt
A group so new and always it seems in fear
Say it again, now reoffended
by a story so funny it used to bring a tear
For humour is old
To be told is now bold
That now lurks in us all as a ghost,

For it is,

A Death Less Funny Than Most

He who takes offence when no offence is intended is a fool, and he who takes offence when offence is intended is a greater fool - Brigham Young

If you are going to be offended by other people's opinions then maybe you should consider keeping yours to yourself - Anonymous

I'm offended by things and take pathetic little stands against them - Tom Stoppard

Being Offended Doesn't Make You Right - Anonymous
John Bartholomew Aug 2018
If I could take the parts, you know,
the bits that don't really matter
one by one,
moment by moment,
and push them off a cliff to a place that collects such worthless clutter

The mistakes I have made,
the thoughts that shouldn't follow on through but do
those past revelations, such stories of wondrous lies and the times I should just have just poopooed

We live a life that is never in the here and the now
The mundane taking over, every work hour a taste so sour
To look and to basically be your best,
those wrinkles showing old age,
an advert on your brow

We'd like to shove all these inacuracies and self loathing on a one way trip to hell
but its a part of the human being that grounds us all, a one time life in this corruptible shell

So to take away those parts that make us so inaccurate
would be a boring life with no ups or downs as we all like a few quid on an unsafe bet
those niggles, such talk that is utter drivel,
all to be placed in a room with a designated shelf

Not a chance, its a part of our lives,
for who would ever want to have,

A Divorce From One's Self

“The bird dares to break the shell, then the shell breaks open and the bird can fly openly. This is the simplest principle of success. You dream, you dare and and you fly.” ― Israelmore Ayivor

“I think there's a secret part of me that would like to drop my entire life off a cliff and watch it break into a million pieces” ― Suzanne Morrison
John Bartholomew Feb 2019
Wake up and don't look back
Let's get this ship back on track
You took the wind out of my sails but for me I will prevail
As this blip is never going to hurt me

I said some stupid things and from now I will carry on trying
For it was all in the past and the future looks good, steered away from your vows and your lying
The oddity and your empathy will linger in my brain
But my eyes have seen some sorry things and from here I will refrain

Telling me of your past and a load of it pure trouble
Most of it just made up like a sketch with Fred and Barney Rubble
So don't whisper sweet nothings in my ear finished off with a loving kiss
As the meaning was there but never been bolstered, as those lies were nothing but,

A False Promise

John Bartholomew Sep 2018
Where do we start
From the days of a baby to the finals in some nursery
Everyday we have a plan
We don't execute these fantasy's but they are real
In your head, we married, we fought, we were the deal
Reality is a different beast though, that is for us all
What I'll be will not shock the world, as I will no doubt fall
We have plans, massive plans, as your parents did not make it
Watch me rise, watch me flourish, into a being that does not sit
I will show you how it is done, the route and the wisdom
The weak will fall, I strive on, a tidal wave under Earths sun
Crushing the likes that put us all down
Get out of my way, you retched little man,
This is me, the second coming never wearing that frown
Walking this Earth like I rule its surface
Soon to disappear, a legend for thousands of years
I disappear without trace as I am,

All God's Plan

I believe that God has a plan and purpose not only for the human race, but for my individual life - Anne Graham Lotz

“If you're reading this, I hope God opens incredible doors for your life this year. Greatness is upon you. You must believe it though.” ― Germany Kent

Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile.” — Billy Sunday

“I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.”— Emo Philips
John Bartholomew Feb 2018
If you are not like me then you will never probably see
The million thoughts I dream of being everyday
A sailor, a wrestler, but never a candlestick maker (ambition people, come on!)

We all think outside the box but end up never breaking out
Tesco’s, stuck on the till, idealist conceptions up on a hill but sat here earning nowt

Its human instinct to better yourself
Flunked GCSE’s, a mortgage to pay but still dreaming of better days

Am I the only one who thinks like this
I work to live, not live to work, the optimist in me always wanting his bliss

Life begins to **** this wanting of a concept
Sorry lads, the time is now, be like them and live with the debts

It’s what you do that counts, that journey from start to finish
Live like a king or slide away and diminish,

A million thoughts

"It is better to fail in originality than to succeed in imitation." -- Herman Melville
"Opportunities don't happen. You create them." -- Chris Grosser
"Success is walking from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm." -- Winston Churchill
John Bartholomew Mar 2020
Same waking up time
Same journey to work
Same conversations
Same deadlines
Same holidays
Same meals every week
And repeat

(Wake me up when the difference takes place)

John Bartholomew Nov 2017
A reason to love me
you need a reason to love me
Come and speak and I'll show you the hard way
What jumps out of my mouth never meant to be offensive
Something to say, bring it on, the fence is somewhere I'll never sit
A reason to love me
you need a reason to love me
The face department never screamed I'm a looker
A line of flattery, absurd over indulgence, yeah that should hook her
Just don’t expect to much as like most I’m part failure
A reason to love me
you need a reason to love me
having goals that will probably never be reached
I’m just like him, run of the mill
I know what I know and that you cannot teach
A reason to love me
you need a reason to love me
always dreaming of a better tomorrow
a charmed life if you just beg steal and borrow
I’ll climb so high but not up Kilimanjaro
A reason to love me
you need a reason to love me
I’m not driving around in a brand new Audi A6
if you want a city boy then he’ll do the trick
I’m happy where I am out here in the sticks
A reason to love me
you need a reason to love me
well you’ve seen what I’ve got and that’s me to a tee
never fighting to hard so sod it
what will be will be
A reason to leave me
you need a reason to leave me
a summing up of a life just every day and ordinary
what was you expecting, Clark Kent or some other story
sorry my love, that’s just me, an every man, subtle and slightly boring

John Bartholomew Jul 2019
Just one word
Why say it?
It bothers me
It grinds me
It engulfs me
And they know
Since school
In the pool
Those ignorant fools
Its so fickle
But its my pickle
A word so small
Its bigger than little
A whisper
In my right ear
A word to enrage
It brings me to fear

Just one word

John Bartholomew Jul 2019
That darkness, that coldness in the air
Today has been a bad day for us all
Never prepared for such shock all at once
A man so loved now gone without despair
The suddeness, so quick before our plans
His ideas a bloom and so plentiful
Taken in seconds from such a blow
He wandered, he thought, he drew
No replacing his thoughts played out in Manga, sometimes Disney too
For he was a closed book with thoughts of his own
A testament to nobody but a world now never shown,

as are

Angry Skies Above

John Bartholomew Dec 2018
Like a plate of frozen peas for dinner
Everyday until you die just trying to be above that person next to you
Every year to that same villa in Spain
Good brakes
Safety No.1
I sigh in boredom of it all
The sight in which we see life is a contrast between us all
And that channel of tuning just isn't for me
Say the odd stupid thing and regret it for days or years
Date that person who scares you blind and brings you to tears
Make the decision that is stupid and plainly wrong
But that's how I roll man, to a different song
I've been a prat at the best of times but that's what makes it fun
Soaking up the rays with no cream in the summer sun
Always a risk taker living life on the edge  
Hey, that's the way I live, a self committed pledge
People look at me and wonder why,
I look back and tell them well at least I tried
As this is a life to live so spread your wings and not sit in the tree
Sometimes we have to make mistakes to prove whats right, hence
The world will always need,

An Idiot Like Me

Passion makes idiots of the cleverest men, and makes the biggest idiots clever -  Francois de La Rochefoucauld

I am greatly misunderstood by politically correct idiots -  Brigitte Bardot

When it comes to idiots, America's got more than its fair share. If idiots were energy, it would be a source that would never run out - Lewis Black
Just keep running!
That's it!
Oh wait, what's that?
Sniff something I'm convinced might be interesting
Its not
I hear you
I hear my name (..........)
Again (..........)
Still not sure,
Got to keep running

John Bartholomew Jan 2019
That guilt ridden riff of a Rock'n'Roll Star opened up your heart
It ingrained, slowly, with more 6 string lullaby's rolling from a brand new start

Electronica and the New Wave fading away, something new on our horizon was needed
A rip-off from The Beatles and a caution now to be heeded

5 lads from Manchester and an attitude to boot
Not the greatest of musicians but born with a swagger, the lead singer acting up like a skinny gangly brute

****** on stage but that didn't matter, singing the wrong lyrics but had the indie girls a flutter
They rolled off the charts like songs born in time
We all need a singalong with a song that easily rhymes

From Wonderwall to Some Might Say, we got our moneys worth out of these lads
But like everything in time, it fizzled out as another fad

Britpop was king for 3 or 4 years, until the Roller in the pool disappointed us all
I'd never eaten a Magic Pie but if it tasted like the rest of these songs it wasn't worth a mention
All the kids waiting for (Whats the Story) Morning Glory's follow up with 2 years of wasted tension

What followed that I really now cant remember, as it stunk to high heaven
Something about not believing the truth from a group of struggling once high heathens

The odd song stuck like a niggling little struggle
Songbird through to a few others onto The Importance of Being Idle
But the days of ***, drugs and rock'n'roll lays in the past of memories now starting to fade
But if you remember them treasure that thought as those really were the days,

An Oasis of Song

John Bartholomew Apr 2019
We are all different
But some are more different others.
The Asian lady who cant't stop drinking her tea
The perverted Iranian who has not one wife, not two but three
The strange fella who makes noise as he walks
Probably harmless but must have a woman that he stalks
The bodybuilder who talks to no-one unless in trouble
Trying to grow a goatee but looks like daft stubble
Always the computer buff who knows how to hide his secret sites
If we knew how to access his stuff he'd soon enough take flight
The chubby man who's wife we believe is Thai
Most British girls just turned him away, well at least he tried
Then there's the cheeky sod who says he's wheelchair bound
Comes out with some screamers but no one utters a sound
And how could I forget the older lady who's divorced three times
You didn't know that? Oh you'll find out down the line
And then there is me who I think to be plain and normal
But God only knows what they say about me, nice and informal?
Not from this lot

An Office Full of Weirdos

I am weird, you are weird. Everyone in this world is weird. One day two people come together in mutual weirdness and fall in love. ~ Dr. Seuss
John Bartholomew Jan 2019
It's mediums cover an untethered mass of production
And yes, it usually just comes from a bit of fun
Kids in the class to a scratch in the sand
From learning the recorder onto a rock and roll band
See it as tosh, well class it as you will
Marvel at its psychedelia whilst swallowing the bitterest pill
A bedroom left in ruin from a woman, hardly feminine
I forget her name, oh there we go, nice work Tracey Emin
Rose tainted spectacles for the ones we love and desire
In reality, probably better off in the fire
But don't knock it until you have tried it as you have no right to really speak,
An artists soul can encapsulate a moment even it is dreary and bleak
Pick up that pen sat by your side and have a squiggle,
Look at things, objects, people, best place? Probably Lidl
The odder the human the better the detail to find and pick
Start to build a portfolio, everything has to start brick by brick

Anything You Invent is Art

John Bartholomew Mar 2020
Streets now empty,
Not a soul to be seen
It's like I've woken up in a B-movie,
Or a very eerie dream

Best to stand apart now,
We've been given a 2 metre stance
I would love to give you all a hug
But I'd better not take that chance

Let's hope that it's all over,
Please let that time be soon
And hope this can't happen again,
Be it once in a blue moon

Locked in the same surroundings,
This will surely cause some rows
But look on the bright side of this mess,
We'll get through this apocalypse now

John Bartholomew Sep 2018
You lived it large, out all the time, the way it should be
Thursdays, student night
Fridays, pub by 5 pm, staggered in at 5 am
Saturdays, still hanging but forced by your friends
Sunday, a day of rest, your mums lunch and on the mend

Late twenties and its catching up with you
Thursdays, thinking about Friday
Friday, quick pint after work and home
Saturdays, a day shopping for that new phone
Sundays, a game on the box now lowering the tone

Scratching around into the tail end of your thirties
Thursday, not even thirsty
Fridays, project to finish now at work
Saturdays, the kids look at you with that naughty smirk
Sundays, ah Sundays, now already thinking of Monday

It catches up on you when you don't even see it
Time, age, this uncontrollable stage, already written by the poets
Live it while you can because it soon catches up
Be that kid, own that night, strut that stuff
Because its something you will not see coming,

A Poem to a Younger Me

“I was thinking about how people seem to read the bible a lot more as they get older, and then it dawned on me—they’re cramming for their final exam.” ― George Carlin

“Getting older makes you no wiser,
but number of lessons that learned.” ― Toba Beta, Master of Stupidity

“When you get to a certain age you find that other people’s opinions don’t really matter anymore, and you get kind of uncomfortable with your place in modern life.” ― Noel Gallagher

“There's nothing quite like the sight of two dozen half-naked octogenarians. We enter the stage of life as dolls and exit as gargoyles.” ― Anthony Marra
John Bartholomew Dec 2018
Causing trouble for the sake of it
Stampeding through life without a thought to think and sit
Mumbled words that when heard offend
Sitting on the fence is a place for the quiet to send
Rampaging on occasions that can get on his wick
Sometimes wrong but they are wounds he can now lick
Sitting back and thinking it through
Maybe Johnny was better as a boy named Sue
Not my place they say but I'm allowed my opinion
I'll cry if I want even if I'm not cutting those onions
Born as you are it's up to them if they really want the change
Sometimes its a shock with looks that can be strange
From girl to boy to woman to man
You want to break those rules because you really can
when acted by the legendary man that was James Dean
This is how you want the world for you to be seen
A rebel without a cause
I don't stop under your set rules
Set by years of the norm and played out by fools
As I am,

A Rebel Without a Pause

John Bartholomew Apr 2017
Don't talk to me about losing weight, how many kids you've got and what you've just ate.
Don't bombard me with your love for a man, the love that you can and that love that you've just banned.
Try and dazzle me with a new rhetoric, a thousand pics of your new pet and tell us all it's been worth it.
A couple of words can mean so much more than a shopping list of hate that can be such a bore.
So let's go for a drink, reminisce, top it up until we both both regret that dumb kiss.
Waking up, a blur of regrets but it's what we both wanted at the time.
Sitting on the tube, how far to go now, wondering if they've posted anything online.
But hey, we're a long time dead, and life's a short time to waste
You've tried the main meal, you skipped the dessert but life has it's other things to taste.
I've done it myself, a few things to tell, like jam I just bought, Fortnum and Mason to make it a boast
It tasted supreme, champagne in mix, the only way to eat your morning toast.
And after a while, it just drags us all down, time to find another site to spread my boring social litter
MySpace has gone, and LinkedIn's just work, time to join that place they all call Twitter.

If coffee is your pick me up
Some toast, brush your teeth and then a sup
of course, from your favourite cup
A little toing and throwing
Once that storms been brewing
Then stick the telly on for the daily stewing
JV with his band of ever ready journalists
Some too gobby, some too shy, the odd one taking the, ahem
All settled down by that voice from the Scottish mist
Men seem to sway to the sound of her calming charm
The women mainly agree after the wake up of their alarm
Still sat on the sofa in your quilt, just to keep warm
A pick me up for your everyday commit
Two hours of fun, frolics, politics and while you just sit
And think about how to keep going and just to keep fit

A Storm is Brewing

John Bartholomew Sep 2019
I could leave this blank as sometimes there are no words
As who has the biggest ego, could never finish second,
never mind third
Mines faster
no mines faster
Then watch this,
No, watch this,
I must be in front
But I have to be there first, I'm more important
Do you not know who I'm meeting, the CEO of some place new
No time to sit and chat, you can stick your pleasantries and brew
Think I'll whack it in the disabled space, this guy can never be late
I'll drive right up your behind, can't be stumped for this date
For I am the most important person on the road
As we don't abide by the rules or the Highway Code
For we are above you as we rule the roads of the land
The Astra, the Focus, the VW Golf, all so bland
We are a range of vehicle that relies on being slick
Usually driven by the same kind of person we all know
Yes, normally, a bit of a *****!

John Bartholomew Sep 2019
You take it for granted when it's stood right there
Playing with your kids without a single care
These moments they ground you in a time that's now past
Thinking these memories will always everlast
But where does it go in a life that's fast and always unread
Almost ten years ago as you think it through now lying in your bed
A jigsaw of pieces that somehow all interact
Now putting them together to make a perfect fact
Cast them in the river as they are all attached to the same line
As fishings not my thing, I'm just awash in one's own time

For a friend

“Nothing makes the earth seem so spacious as to have friends at a distance; they make the latitudes and longitudes.”-Henry David Thoreau
John Bartholomew Mar 2018
Jump in your car, time for that journey
Great for a while until that thing that bothers me
There she is stood, waiting for her lift
You can’t get to work, I’ll be your daily gift

What have I let myself in for
Fancied her at first but this is now a chore
Always second guessing whatever I may do
A mistake I have made and now hard to undo

I turn left she says it’s on the right
Lips curls in anger, carry on, its not worth the fight
His name is Mark, I’ve known him for years
It’s spelt with a C, his parents were different, their philosophy, now I’m in tears  

Well what do I know, wrong in every decision
I saw us together for years to come, now it’s a different vision
Radios on the station which to her is obviously wrong
Not that band, their music is rank, put on a different song

The saying is so true about judging a book by its cover
A face so pretty, hiding such secrets, I’d rather be her enemy than her lover
Best get on that phone and start the search for another job
I can’t bear this anymore, time for her to leech onto some other poor sod

Let me drive my life in my direction without this pretty preacher
Because God knows you don’t need a back-seat driver

“It's unwise to be a backseat driver, passenger or bystander in your own life.”
― Rasheed Ogunlaru

"You're going the long way. Take a left up here." - Everybody
John Bartholomew Jun 2018
Let me tell you now, I’ve never picked up a bass guitar in my life
the guy stood stage side, cool as hell, his looks as sharp as a knife
surveying the crowd, picking the best, which girl is coming back to his room
town to town, gig to gig, thanks for the ride, I won’t be back anytime soon

An aura of disdain, a secret never to be told under that cowboy hat of his
reeling through the catalogue, hit after hit, hiding has no place in showbiz
A breed to contend, so lets never offend that man who has a different point of view
we could all have been a plumber or a copper, but the line-up for this role is a very short queue

Comparisons are strange and never the same, from deep sea diver to football goalkeeper
hey, a job’s a job no matter what you do, even home brewer to a honey making beekeeper
So what if you’re an oddball, the world needs its variety
from 6 strings to 4, its hardly a chore, he gave up on the piano and its keys
because that’s the way it is and the life I now live
simple, sometimes exuberant but always content,

That’s it,

Bass player me

None of us wanted to be the bass player. In our minds he was the fat guy who always played at the back - Paul McCartney

I wasn't originally a bass player. I just found out I was needed, because everyone wants to play guitar - Tina Weymouth

The lousy guitar player in any band is the bass player - Jimmy Iovine

I recruited my dad to be my bass player and fired him on several occasions. He stayed on as a bus driver - Chely Wright
John Bartholomew Oct 2020
Will that day come
The one that changes everything
From being broke to the love of the land
Married my sweetheart
Now every stranger wants my hand
Would I leave my friends I have known for so long
Who helped me through all troubled times
To be the man they all now love just living out in Tuscon, Arizona
If those 6 numbers rolled in tonight, I'd have to make decisions
The only way I'd make that money would be with a gun,
Right, thats me off to prison
But if those ***** did land in line
I'd be one happy chap
Smiling as those bells did chime
Thinking what I would buy next
That house, that car, dinner served by my own private chef
I'll watch them spin again tonight
All rolling with bated breath

John Bartholomew Jun 2018
I remember nothing, that night I had my crash
7 cracked ribs, 1 punctured lung, the other collapsed, my spine taking the ultimate bash
9 months inside, those doctors saving my life, where would I be without the NHS
27 years old, life just at its beginning, those days gone would now be your best

Waking up I looked at my mum and then looked at my dad, tracheostomy stopping me from talking
6 weeks induced coma, crazy dreams I couldn’t tell you, girlfriend now presumably walking
Knowing before told, who is going to be so bold, to tell me the news I knew but still did dread
Dad by my side, a finalisation they could not hide, it’s unlikely you will ever walk again

This I knew but dare not say, family and friends suffering in the know
A wheelchair for life, not me, its not right, too young for this to swallow
Moved to a place where spinal injuries were rife
Stanmore National Orthopaedic Hospital. an institution where you start to see the light

Moved from ward to ward, progress slow but on the mend
contemplating so many situations and a world I did not understand
faces and places now all the same still lying on my back
I want to sit up, be normal again and get this soul back on track

Taught about so much that I really did not know
your biggest priority now was your skin, pressure sores a definite no-no
learning to go to the toilet in a completely different way
catheters and a tube of ****, a perverted dream for some that even pay

The outside world a playground not built for the likes of those in a wheelchair
a trip into town, get used to the tube, disabled design back in the day not really a care
getting into a car, an ease all my life, now governed by the height of the roof
legs under a table, as some now unable, the world now a minefield is the honest truth

I met some characters in that place, men and women with stories to make your mouth drop
some on drugs, some back from the war, one woken from a spinal stroke, wow what a crop
I met certain nurses, most of whom were fabulous and are still now friends
then there were a certain few, riled and crass and basically, a pain in the ***

And this is where life starts all over again
getting used to the looks, sympathetic and loving, life now on a new trend
from being stuck in that ward where a suppository is now needed for my ***
you’ll know where I am, end of the corridor, bay 3 bed 1

“They laugh at me because I'm different; I laugh at them because they're all the same.” ― Kurt Cobain

“You're incredibly, absolutely, extremely, supremely, unbelievably different.” ― Kami Garcia, Beautiful Creatures

“You're different. And I'm different too. Different is good. But different is hard. Believe me, I know.” ― Matthew Quick, Forgive Me, Leonard Peacock
I've become so stressed
Every little thing,
from what dress to a salad with cress?
I have forgotton what makes me even tick
What makes me smile,
from words on the crossword to my morning sick
And from my tick onto my tock
What still fits ,
What do I wear from my joggers to a frock
To calculate my brain from maths to a sudoku sum,
these used to be so easy
Jeez, what have I become?
My legs just keep kicking and are now so restless
A kick now inside out,
this babys just wants h** final exit
Still months to go but getting all so bigger
Every day some more weight on,
I cannot wait for its final ****** trigger!

John Bartholomew Sep 2019
Work toilet
Just staring at yourself in the mirror
I hate it here
What's beyond all this
Behind this wall
A man stands tall
An alternative phase on your future
I only came here for a ten minute break
I'm fake
Any excuse I'll take
To dream of another place than here

John Bartholomew Jun 2019
A blink of an eye
That's how quick life can change
From free and easy
To medication, an uncontrollable bladder and to feeling almost queasy
A spinal trauma that went from tap onto snap
Laughing inside that thank God you're not like that
Now join the band where the view is now half the horizon
From standing up to sitting down with your legs permanently frozen
But these things happen although surely not to you
I used to enjoy my half an hour in the toilet, reading the paper and doing a poo
Now the procedure, the timings, the suppositories waiting to melt
Gloving up that hand and finger until it's time to smell that smell
Hey, thats now what I call life
It's a trauma, it's a story on an everyday basis
But would I change it back for the normal life?
Hell yeah, it's those long paper read poo's that I really miss!

Restraints, complaints, lifes been on the taint
Thrown us into a world we'd all never known
Lockdowns and get downs but not to no jazzy funk
A life we've all unwantingly been thrown
Whats right
Whats wrong
We didnt think it would last this long
Still covering our face from the deadliest of bugs
The nay sayers
The everyday prayers
The fools on life support who just didnt care
Anxiety attacks
The toughest of men who normally have your back
Just break down when their world immedietely turns black
There is a light though in from this 2020 tunnel
As we grab it to the ground and hit back with a pummel
Suffocate it in a headlock and **** it as it stumbles
For we are better than some poxy Chinese manmade curse
We'll watch it die and lend it no nurse
As we are stronger than this and not here just as a rehearse.

Better Than This.

John Bartholomew Sep 2019
It's a different way of life being big
I don't mean eating until I want to be sick
I mean my height, my clothes, still as tall as you when I sit
Not being able to buy the shirt I want because they all say Slim-fit

That pair of jeans I want but not your off the shelf clobber
My wife looks high and low bless her, as nothing will stop her
A pair of shoes to fit in with the latest fashions
No size 13 sir, you'll have to look online, that's where they usually stash them

I fly to America where they know how to treat me right
Trying on a Medium shirt, hell, its not even very tight
The only thing is their taste in shoes here
I'll order online as I wash it down with a beer

Even getting in a car can be a pain with a certain model
Head space, leg room, come on Mini, us lads want this at a doddle
And what is it the smaller woman that finds you such a pull
Hell, I'm not complaining, look after me and wrap me in wool

For I'm not violent in any which way at all
But get a man who thinks he's big and you'll get it with a bar room stool
Little man syndrome is our worst curse of them all
There is always one you thinks he's hard so has to act like the fool

But I like being a big bloke as you gain a respect for no reason at all
Some look up to you because your big and rather tall
But at the end of the day were just the same as me and you
Finding it hard in everyday life, and a love that is oh so true

John Bartholomew Apr 2018
We all know him, that bloke down the pub
done everything before you but always wants a sub
thinks he knows his football as was at the final back in 81
Ricky Villa scored that goal, 3 touches on the spin, just for a bit of fun

He’s been to every destination that you can only dream
survived gunshot wounds, not a bother, he even ruptured his spleen
pulled a couple of Page 3 girls at the back of Stringfellows club
before it was a crime in the daily rag for these models to pose in the nud

He’s worked all the jobs that you could list on one arm
been married, twice divorced, it’s hard to live life with these bragging charms
Tattoos of past grievances, some he would rather forget
ex-wife’s down to girlfriends, all for a stupid bet

Now the end of the bar is a space well occupied by him
dole money and on the ponse, breaking all of Gods deadly sins
avoid at your peril these creatures of sponge and leech
just wanting a life of ease and comfort, for some, humanity we cannot teach

Lend them nothing and discredit their tales from a life now well past
all lies of inscrutability, from a net well and truly cast
for this is a story told from a man whose race has already been run
as he is that man we all need to avoid
for he is

When did we lose it
That pow
That zip
That zap
That day mid-thirties you look in the mirror
And you've become a little bit fat
That get up-and-go
Now you've become slow
Watching life mould and your toenails grow
Your friends become distant
As you wonder of their existance
Followed on Facebook for their stories of fiction
It really is sad
Was our friendship just a fad
As we drift into the old and once had
Does life become a trot
Knowing the cold from the hot
And where in life is our best spot
Or is it a a case of embrassing lifes span
You done your best and all that you can
It's not me man
You just became all boring, man

John Bartholomew Nov 2019
Sometimes empty
Sometimes full
Depends what its been used for by this downright fool
If it's Pepsi, Fanta or an orange from his own *****
He never thought it's be a place to empty his fragile groin
As a bladder with what has a mind of its own
The inevitable can happen with your mind that's now blown
As the first time its a shock and you cant believe whats happened
But be prepared sonny as you cant let things slacken
Pull up behind the biggest tree
A feeling of oncoming dread that cannot happen to me
You search all the nearest windows as no spectators here
Unzip, todger out, catheter into that empty container
This ain't the way the nurses said, hygiene, germs, ***** hands
They'd cry if they saw this is the way they trained you
Thank God for that fizzy drink, that thing you drop with hand controls, driving at full throttle
For we never learn, quick, pass the drink, as I swigg out of that said bottle

John Bartholomew Jun 2020
We all breathe
Yet sometimes heave
Let out a sigh
Followed with a cry
It makes us live from lungs to bellows
How God made man from the dice that he throws
Instinct with nature,
Something that we never have to remember



John Bartholomew Nov 2017
Cast your mind back to 1973
If you wasn't there then you’re in the same boat as me
But Great Britain joined the EEC to make this land a force
So what had we been doing wrong beforehand to lead us on this course

We'd sailed this planet and conquered nations to show them of our pride
The smallest country in the mix of many, no one shoves us to one side
Spaniards tried and failed so bad who else wants to have a go
The Germans twice so anyone else, your dice in the ring, come on and give them a throw

But tactics have changed and evolved with the times, political is our new hurdle
Tony opened the gates and the waves came in, Blair’s fault or now Mrs Merkel?

No matter how you did vote it was a shock to us all that we now set sail on this boat we've named Britannia
29th of March, 2019, we raise anchor and set sail into a gulf of unknown venture

But British spirit much prevail as it always has if it still lingers to blow gust in these new sails
******* towards Brussels, out on our own, with this we cannot fail

We’ve done it before and we can do it again it just depends who might follow
Only time will tell if it was the choice to make or may have to beg steal and borrow

John Bartholomew Dec 2020
When your heart is black and broken
And its weeks since we have spoken
I'm hoping it's not been sixteen years wasted in time
When there have been others waiting in line
For love is a one off thing
Not bound by words and a settlement ring
But by hope and a life we could be doing
Instead sat at the window,wondering,with a piece of gum
Just endlessly chewing

You are not a song forgotten
Thrown onto the back downtrodden
Recorded to just fill that gap
Written after I'd had my nap
For the best of girls they always hide
Like a discovered song you only knew
On that sunny August afternoon
B - side (the seaside)

John Bartholomew Oct 2020
One word, I told you not to say it
It's hurt
It's pain
It's it
This cannot go on with any purpose to it's relevance
I'm sorry but you have always known not to mention
It's tension
It's hold
But you had to be bold
I am so sorry
The love of my life,

But Thats Where it Ends.

John Bartholomew Sep 2018
You look at the television, a new series is starting
Wife's making the tea, kettle boils, just waiting in the kitchen
3 minutes in, a face appears, it takes a minute to click
Honey, who's this guy, I've seen him before but it just wont tick

Hot drink in each hand, she steps in, looks, pauses and takes a think
Oh, he was in whats it called, that show with the family on the brink
He tried to ****** the mother to get the payout to feed the kids
No, different guy, he's in Corrie now emptying the bins

Keep watching, it'll come, this confusion that matters to nothing
But it's bugging, so frustrating, his face was definitely in something
What's his name, well I don't know, we'll have to wait until the end
Click on the info button, it'll show up there, I might even have to phone a friend

OK, nobody has mentioned him for a while, what was his name?
Been around the block a bit but not known for his fame
Appeared in The Bill, Birds of a Feather and Celebrity Generation Game
But a face you forget, an accent non describable and tomorrow you'd still forget it again

An every man, he fits in the plan, can take any role and just blend into the background
A speaking part, a bit-part actor, was even in some major films but never talk of the town
And then you look down in Tesco's, his name at last you see on a DVD in the bargain bin, great, its him!

But what was he in?!

“People are supposed to fear the unknown, but ignorance is bliss when knowledge is so **** frightening.” ― Laurell K. Hamilton

“Nothing is more frightening than a fear you cannot name.” ― Cornelia Funke

“what you don't know, you don't miss” ― Cecelia Ahern
What is the purpose of this visit?
Is time on Earth just a phase
An appearance to say hello, goodbye,
I only popped in for a minute
For some people seem to transcend,
and not even say goodbye
While others just don't leave, please go, you've had your ****** time
Because sometimes I'd just like to appear without even saying hello
I've done my bit, toodlepip, its time for me to go


Thats nice
Oh, I like that
It'll look good on the shelf
Now stuck in that drawer, gathering ill heath
The football programmes
The bottles of bleach from the Tenerife sun-tan
The school nativity play from your neighbour Stan
All shoved in the closet
With the receipt for the apartment deposit
Gathering dust for that day that you want it
Forgotten in the turns of time
Like that vinegar once bought decayed in brine
Stuck in the cupboard behind the lemon and lime
We look at it and always sadly mutter
I love it
I'll use it one day
This endless debris of useless, worthless, selfless,

“Out of clutter, find simplicity.” ― Albert Einstein

“Clutter is my natural habitat.” ― Maggie Stiefvater, The Scorpio Races

“...that once were urgent and necessary for an orderly world and now were buried away, gathering dust and of no use to anyone.” ― Patricia A. McKillip, Alphabet of Thorn

“I like working among ‘creative clutter’. It gives me a sense of activity and achievement.”― Fennel Hudson, A Meaningful Life - Fennel's Journal - No. 1
John Bartholomew May 2018
Can somebody tell me just when did this happen
commentary on when the bean is ready to ripen
we had tea long before time
from China down through the Himalayas, our army marched on this stuff
we all now have a new flavoured taste, the humble cup of tea is now considered a crime

From the elegance of Earl Grey to the builder’s cup of Yorkshire
to be handed this over a mocha or latte, oh how those new snobs do sneer
seventy pence for that cup of drivel, I would rather die a thirsty death
a bit like shopping in Lidl, only at my last breath

Sitting down with paper in hand, let me look like I’m part of a movement
I’m one of you, were part of a clan, our work taking up life’s joyous fulfilment
Order a bagel or maybe a donut, take a box back for the guys in HR
I know I’m being ripped off, but best look like a toff, as I struggle to pay for my flash car

And there we have it and what we create, a brand now known in our time
from the mods to the rockers and onto the 80’s yuppie,
to be different is seen as a crime

They rock up to work, Costa in hand as they clock in with their key fobs
for these are the people of today and will always be seen
as the new age coffee snobs.

If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee. - Abraham Lincoln

Tea, though ridiculed by those who are naturally coarse in their nervous sensibilities will always be the favorite beverage of the intellectual. - Thomas de Quincey

I always fear that creation will expire before teatime. - Sydney Smith

Thank God for tea! What would the world do without tea! How did it exist? I am glad I was not born before tea. - Sydney Smith
The world is a machine
Everyday running on human tasks
7 billion of us just the same
All wearing our Covid masks
It judder's to a start when we first arise
We stretch
We yawn
And work until its time for beddybyes
Now if that one person tells you they're not
A part of this operation all working as one
Then my friend they cannot see,
That they are its final component
In this megalithic device
For they are just,
a cog.

I'll give you dinosaurs
I'll give you world wide wars
I'll give you religions all to believe
I'll give you sights you can never unsee
I'll give you trends all to wear
I'll give you people for whom you won't care
I'll give you diseases for those who do stare
I'll give you a cure to avoid a wheelchair
I'll give you a choice if you believe all this to be true
I'll give you a minute and I'll get back to you


Half a million hits
Whilst the pervs progressively click
Lacy knickers on as there she solely sits
Bra on the floor just flashing her...oh my!
I'll let you fill in the rest of the bits.

John Bartholomew Apr 2019
Waking up with that one goal
Achieving what's in your heart and your soul
The smallest of things
The largest of things
We all have our private crusades

A cupboard full of cups all of which are assorted
Some you like
Some you loathe
Some should just be aborted
Now I can't throw that away as it's not mine to drink
A present, a holiday place when at the time you didnt think
That football you team you despise but your partner just loves
Or their unicorn standing tall releasing turtle doves (come on)
But you frown and leave them to be
Pushed to the back so that no one can actually see
You pick the same 4 mugs on a daily basis
One for tea, one for lunch and your favourite, your secret
Its a sad state of affairs when you have your priorities
Which is best for a cup-a-soup over your mug of tea
But I think this is what makes us a total breed apart
We stop
We think
We look in the sink
As a cup of tea is the only way to start.

Tea is a part of daily life. It is as simple as eating when hungry and drinking when thirsty.” – Yamamoto Soshun
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