She would not show that she was afraid,
But being and feeling alone was to much to face,
Though everyone said she was so strong,
What they didn't know was that she could barely carry on.
But she knew she would be okay, so she didn't let it get in her way,
Sometimes it all gets a little too much,
But you have to realize that soon the fog will clear up,
And you don't have to be afraid,
Because we're all the same,
And we know that sometimes,
It gets a little too much.

I’ve dug into the root of every known emotion of man.
From mere happiness to dread and fear, it’s scary… Really!?
How we can feel, really feel, and how it can change us-
From innocent to tainted, good to evil.
And that you can also feel; feel for not only inanimate, living, or anything.
But you can feel for other people.
You can feel so strongly, that it shakes your soul.
And you can also…
Not feel-
Numbness, or is it a feeling?
It can over take your very being
And **** the life out of your eyes-
To where you don’t eat,
Don’t get out of bed,
And never open your eyes.
You just lay there, in a void that you yourself created…
But eventually you’ll pull yourself out…
Feeling, Feeling, Feeling.
Feelings are not the only thing… that I’ve dug into.
I’ve found more than anyone ever could.
Because, I look a little harder…
Free Will;
Is that what makes us different from the animals, evolution?
Free will.
The choice, the choice that is ours to make… or not make.
Some people find beauty in it.
But, some people find hell and torture in free will… The ones who can’t think for themselves.
In some ways-
I find them weak.
But also cunning, in a ‘Monkey see, Monkey do’ kind of way…
In spite of everything we know about Free will.
We still do not quite understand-
How Free-will makes us any
More or less… Human.

"I'm not a piece of cake or meat!
I am a person with feelings and emotions!
And you go around shattering those feeling and emotions!
I go home feeling like I will never be enough for you!
I wish you could see that I love you.
But, you go ahead and call me names and make fun of everything I do!
You make me think I should just leave this place!
Because maybe that would make you finally see me.
and if that is the only way, so be it!"

Dance.* The art of the body. An outlet for the soul.
Healing for your heart. Freedom of thoughts.
Walls broken down. A locked cage left open.
Emotion into movement. Shows hurting words unspoken.
Relief of pain and stress. Lifts the weight off your back.
Troubles disappear. Worlds fade away around you.
Lost in the moment. Feelings flow out.
Life slows down. Peace found through dance.

Having an M.I.
Ambulance to JFK
Cardiac cath stat!

Andre Bocelli
Our seats remained empty for
Open heart surgery

Next to CCU
Waiting in the fam'ly lounge
Wanting just good news

Here at JFK
Dr. Lancelot Lester
Mended his poor heart

He won't even know
What day it is tomorrow
Morphine works so well

You won't even know
That I'm staying close by you
While wiping your brow

Post-op time so tough
You must never say out loud
Oh, no, PVC's!

Let his sternum heal
Start on a special diet
When can we have ***?

Season of love, or so I was told.
Day of Saint Valentine, spurn my sorrow;
Dozens of red roses, bouquets of blood.
But you’re drunk as a horsefly.
Claim you’re an oldie, but only a kidult with an early retire.
Climb on the mattress pad, ruin the moment,
you could have easily slit my throat!


What’s left is only bittersweet;
I think only of the best that we could have had;
The borders we could have hiked;
And the babies that we should have had!
Now I’m cold and afraid, willing it all away.  
What’s the point of writing these poems
if you’ll never read them?