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Just yesterday we were laughing
You were smiling
Happily in my arms
As we told each other
How deep we were in love

What the hell happened
To those days
Because it all felt like yesterday
But this morning
The world crumbled
Under a single breath

What the hell happened
To wanting an us
To knowing and understanding
The pain we have
And miserable past we had
But just for another day
I would like those days back
 Dec 2014 Jayne Brooks
Poetic T
There is a space between us,
it just sees to grow, we cant
reach across the void that is
growing we both know it
started long ago, we ignored
it thinking it would shrink
but instead it did grow.

I can see you touch your finger
tips, but the void pushes us
further apart, the longer this
goes on. We try to fight it,
but how long can we hold
on, the void is that place
where failed love does go.

The distance isn't far, but the
gravity of lost love pushes us
apart, we don't want to admit
it but our love was lost to the
void, and only scraps are left
to hang on to, how long can this
go on before one of us leaves.
 Dec 2014 Jayne Brooks
If my depression were human, like myself, it would possess no gender.
Astonishingly impatient, it would easily upset;
Every little detail, from meal times to dress,
Could trigger a hate-storm of words and fists
Plummeting down upon my body, its own little punching bag.

If my depression were human,
it would adhere to my side without consent
Mirroring that bi-polar, abusive “relative”
A step-mother with clenching claws much too close to my neck one minute
Then handing over claims of caring and loving me the next.
I am forced to face hell whenever it visits,
But if gone for too long,
I begin to miss its presence.

And if my depression were human, it would live restlessly.
Through exercise it could relax a while, but
with its unruly schedule, the time may never surface.
It tries to sleep often and I try my best to assist
--tea and music to calm the mind--
but most often insomnia
leaves it beside me for hours, burning on and on
this flame eating at my insides:
A voice I cannot ignore.
The lack of sleep driving its nerves and emotions
On even less stable ground.
Sleeping pills no longer work to calm its overactive mind
And this throat-burning ***** works for only a few hours
Sitting in the shadows with only the bottle to numb the pain
For us both.

If my depression were human,
it would force its way between myself and others,
destroying every potential relationship,
friendship and otherwise,
before even a chance at an emotional connection arises;
driving even the most persistent ones to give up in exhaustion.
I would live alone with it
And it with me
It would tell me that it loves me, but turn
And stab at my wrists
At my arms
At my legs
Shedding blood and claiming that
That would prove my devotion.

If my depression were human,
life would not be life,
I would not be me.
Eventually I could no longer hide behind a fabricated smile:
to pretend would pain my damaged mind past its tolerance
and my body would begin to lose hope as well.
I could try to run away,
with substances or therapy,
but the effects only fade and leave me alone
with it
Once more.

And unfortunately,
Depression is human.
A parasitic one
Living in and draining the mind of its host.
Slowly killing every emotion,
Until even pain loses its effects.
Dominating relationship after relationship.
Birthing 350 million loners.
Ending 350 million lives,
Whether literally, or emotionally.

Those who survive and learn to file it away
may never know themselves again.
Forced to worship pills that eat their true selves,
all for this demonic being
that leaves them numb,
and empty.

*As I stand now, face to face
with my own demons,
no longer lurking in the shadows,
I realize
I have lost the war,
as my throat counts the blue bullets
leading to my sanity.
That tragic moment
when I finally settle down
and realize...
I am upset over the idea
of our relationship ending...
rather than the suffocation  of it.
We both had become
tired and lazy
and selfish with our
and withholding...everything
It had been way too long...
since we kissed...
were extraordinarily difficult
from the very beginning...
never really letting up for very long
and they took a heavy toll...
eventually we each
spun inward
unable to communicate
without offences.
We each began letting go
insecurities ran rampant
it became too hard too hold on
so we let go...
a little bit at a time
first, of our desire
our ability to believe. Us
and  what we had
was special to be real.
No one got what they wanted
No one is solely to blame
To  me...
that is the true tragedy..
what we could have...
should have been
That is where
my true sadness lies.
jammed between
the should haves and could haves
I hope we each
find our comforts.
I wished SO much...
Believed so hard...
That someday I would find you...
That when I did
I didn't see all the cracks...
Now it seems
the search begins again...
I am left to find
someone like you.
Is this
How we
Does our
in the
of no

Do we
let our
Breathe its
last breath
in the
Night of

Do we
Let our
Break apart
in a

Is this
How we
No words-
Only the
in the
Void of
and wants?

Do we
in the
Stillness of
Spoken and

How we
 Dec 2014 Jayne Brooks
Abi Perry
I didn't grow up with broken bones
I grew up with broken hearts
Stemmed from broken homes
that had been built on broken starts
I believed love was a theory
or something you could chart
some how
you do not fit the patterns
Don't merge with other lines
Don't begin to fit the profile
for someone I should like
maybe should just let it happen
let the chips fall where they may
Let myself fall in your arms
arms too far away
Everyday I question
how much those arms can hold
how far those arms can stretch
can they hold me above my past?
can they reach me?
I never broke a bone
I've had many broken hearts
Come from a broken home
built on a broken start
I taught myself love was a dream
A fairytale never meant to be
like a house built in a stream
It would drown eventually
That's always how it seemed
I'm kind of shocked I love you
I hate knowing how I feel
my solid bones don't matter
nor the casts around my heart
love is not a theory
it's very much an art
An ocean once so clear, blue, and deep;
A love once so strong and unforgettable, dies in the flames of the burning red fire, drowns in the rivers of nevermore.
A flower once so handsome;
A friendship once so royal, dies in the season of winter, drowns in the streams of betrayal.
A touch once so soft;
A kiss once so sweet, dies in the darkness of regret, drowns in the lakes of bitterness.
 Dec 2014 Jayne Brooks
sad, I
wish that I
just had one wish
I'd wish the whole
world was color blind
so we would treat
all people like
What would you wish for?
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