japheth

japheth Jun 2018

ulan

nanghihikayat
nanaman
ang mga ulap
na sabayan ko siya
sa kanyang pagluha;

dahil
sa lakas
ng patak ng ulan
kaya niyang balutin
ang aking pagiyak
sa pighati
na aking nararanasan.

this one’s written in my language, Tagalog
for those who want to understand it,
here’s a rough translation:

the clouds beckon me
to join his sorrow;

because
the loud sound
of the rain,
can mute
my cries
because of the pain
i’m experiencing.

#tagalog #filipino #pain #sorrow #rain #cloud #cry #hurt #life #emotion

japheth Jun 2018

sign

i’m a
firm believer of signs
in fact,
all signs led me to you;

however,
one sign
told me to
let you go.

rought patch

#pain #hurt #sign #love

japheth Jun 2018

bricks

you helped me
break down my walls
— piece by piece.

wondering why
you kept all those bricks with you.

turns out,
the bricks
you helped me remove,
you used
to build another one
to put in replace
of the one you helped me
bring down.

#sad #life #emotion #feel #pain #break

japheth Jun 2018

storm

my rage
towards
you
is like
a storm.

o,
how i wish
you were in it.

how i wish
everything you ever loved
gets washed away
by the gust of madness.

how i wish
i get to destroy
the image of me
you called home:
spew in tornadoes
until nothing’s left.

how i wish
you get hit
by the thunder
and feel at least,
for a second,
feel the pain
i felt.

but darling,
the storm started
with you in the
middle.

the eye of the storm
spewed with you in the middle.

you feel the calmness now
but if you look around you,
you see that you have nowhere else to go
but deal with me.

so,
if you think
me being calm
in front of you,
is a sign of forgiveness,
think again, my dear
— for the storm is only starting.
wait till i finally move
and see that you’re not in the middle anymore.

remember when i told you all how i was in a happy place? well, i jinxed it. it’s sad how the universe always gives me only a taste of happiness before it takes it away from me.

#pain #sad #life #bitter #rage #emotion

japheth Jun 2018

sad songs

have you

ever

******

while

listening

to

sad

                s
                o
                n
                g
                s
                ?

haven’t been able to post recently. been battlinf myself and im just happy i have someone that supports me all the way.

#sad #**** #song #anxiety #life

japheth Jun 2018

words

wish i never did that.

****.

i thought the words

“i love you”

were for me?

your someone special?

why am i seeing messages

where you just

throw it away

to the next guy who says it back to you

and is available?

is it because i haven’t said it to you yet?

is it because i’m not worth the entirety of your time?

is it because you think i’m doing the same thing as you?

what am i supposed to do?

should i ask you if what you have with this guy is more special than this?

it’s not okay to lie.

tell me if i bore you.

tell me if i fall short the love you deserve.

tell me if you feel like you’re grasping at straws trying to love me.

tell me.

because if you don’t,

i’ll keep this within me.

it’ll start off small.

it’ll slowly boil.

it’ll eat every emotion i receive from you

and release it as doubt, uncertainty.

when the time comes,

when you feel like i’ll finally say

“i love you”

you’ll hear these words instead,

“i hate you”

i’m an overthinker and because of that i do things just to calm myself.

now i feel like i did something that i would regret.

i opened the messages and saw that my beloved is talking to someone else.

i asked him before if they were over. and he said they were.

i even told him, since we’re only dating, it’s okay for you to date other people since we’re just dating and you are entitled to choose.

but eveything’s different now, we’re exclusive.

i asked him last night if they were over. if he had discussed it over with the guy and he said yes.

i’m not jealous. i’m just mad that he would lie to me.

should i talk to him about it?

#cheating #life #love #hate #doubt #overthinking #anxiety

japheth Jun 2018

thinking

for whatever i do,
with someone new,
there’s a small part of me thinking
it could have been with you.

#regrets #bitter #sad #life