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  Nov 2018 Jack Mandala
Edmund black
The truth
        Is
Love doesn’t
  Recognize
All the artificial
Man made restriction
    We try to place
           On it

       It simply
flows between
    Souls and overwhelm
The hardest hearts

     Love is power
            Love
          Is peace
Kindly choose love
Jack Mandala Nov 2018
the air has called winter's name
hot cocoa nights in our future
bundle up and light a fire
Christmas carols play as we fill the house with festive spirit

maybe next year i guess
:/
Jack Mandala Nov 2018
i took a trip to a spiritual place
with all my friends i would have next year
i didn't find you
where will it all go wrong?
  Nov 2018 Jack Mandala
q
i think i get it
what it's like to be
on the other side
and all i want to say
to you now is
i'm sorry
Jack Mandala Jan 2018
Do any of you feel like you can't rely on anyone but yourself? My whole life has felt like that but tonight it's really hitting me.

It all started a few weeks ago when I asked this girl I liked to formal. It was quite a stretch considering the social boundaries that were already in place. I'm a senior and she is a junior and I had no connections to any of her volleyball friends. It may not seem like it but some girls need to feel like you are socially "accepted," and I was socially unknown.

When I asked her, she seemed really excited which made sense due to the energy and good vibes she would bring to conversations despite her extreme shyness (I seemed to do most of the talking). Then formal came around. Before we went to the dance, there was a pre-formal get-together at her friends house. We were there for about three hours before we left for the dance and it was a great opportunity for me to meet her friends and her social group. I made my date laugh many times and I truly felt like there was a deep emotional connection between us. I conveyed confidence and a sense of humor, but it was clear I was the odd man out.

As I'm driving her to the dance, we started talking and again and she gave off off many signs that she was into me. I'm usually pretty good at looking in to that kind of stuff and I felt something was there. Although when we got to the dance, things start getting pretty shady. We met up with her volleyball friends that were at the formal get-together but it became increasingly obvious at the time my date was either too shy to dance with me or she only wanted to be with her friends. After 30 minutes of awkwardly following her and her friends around without dancing with her, I decided to give her some space and proceeded to hang out with my friends for the majority of the night.

About an hour and a half after I left her, she found where I was and asked if I wanted to go to a party that was happening afterwards with her which led me to believe this was her trying to convey interest in me without putting herself out there. I agreed and we got in my car until about five minutes later when her friends insisted they couldn't go anymore, so she decided she wasn't going to go either (I can confirm that her friends weren't trying to get her out of hanging out with me and there was actually something that prevented them from going). So I dropped her off at her friend's car, still went to that same party, and called it a night.

The next morning I hit her up and told her I had a great night with her even though it was mostly *******, but I didn't want her to think I was mad for what actions took place (Ignoring me during the dance and ditching the party). Then Christmas break began and I was out of town for about a week and a half. While I was out of town, I decided the best way to get to know her and her friend group better was to throw a kickback since it became clear they rarely accepted new people into their group. Keep in mind that it's not just me and all of her girlfriends. One of my guy friends who is almost dating my formal date's best friend has gone to all of the events with me (pre-formal, the dance, the afterparty), and he was my only guy friend throughout this whole process.

Finally the day comes, I send them the address and then I get the dreadful question, "Who else is coming?" Side note: people who ask this question can honestly ******* because pretty much what they're saying is "is there anyone else coming that would make it worth going to?" Anyway, I told my date that it was just going to be my friend Nick (the guy that I mentioned earlier), her, and her other two close friends which she replied "that's it?" with no emojis. I proceeded to tell her yes and that I'm just keeping it small. I was left on open, but still assumed she and her friends were going to come.

I set the kickback to start at 8:00 PM until I get a text from her around 7:45 PM saying that she was sorry but neither her or any of her friends could make it. As for my one guy friend and the friends he was inviting, he said he was going to come but never bothered to actually show up. Fed up and frustrated, I decided to invite all of my friends that were in town to come to my house where we can all get ****** up. After anxiously waiting for an hour and a half, my friends started to show up and at the peak, around 7 people showed up which was actually pretty good considering it was Winter break and most of my friends were out of town. I snapchatted the whole thing and made it look really hype without looking like a tryhard and put it on my story to let the ******* that ditched me know that I could invite other people right on the spot and they would still manage to come through.

It was a great night and I was glad there were people that I could rely on once in my life, especially since my whole life I never found anyone I could rely on. It made me realize how cliquey high school is and how unwelcoming most people are to letting others join their friend group. No matter how good of an impression you make, certain people will still push you away if you don't meet their social standards. Anyway, I hope all of you guys have a nice rest of your day. Thank you for reading this.
  Jan 2018 Jack Mandala
Lu
He was silent
consumed by the rhythm of music

His eyes were full of passion


He had this idea that he was inlove
but the girl he was falling for didn't feel the same

His emotion controlled him

He pushed everyone else out of the way
to try and catch her

but each time,
she would slip away

When he finally broke
no one was there to catch his pieces

so he fell
harder than before

and when he wasn't there anymore

she noticed his silence
and fell in love
  Dec 2017 Jack Mandala
C
and if this lifetime
is not for us
i swear
i will search for you
in every other lifetime
and perhaps in one of them
i am yours
and you are finally mine
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