The light finally glistening
Into her eyes
As she sees the world
For the first time

Many years away
From reality
But today
She is happy.

It's just not my time
No matter what I try
I can't get an idea to fly
It can't even crawl
I always hit a wall
Why?
Is my time soon?
When will I be able to bloom?
Whenever I try I fail
Whenever I fail I don't want to try anymore
When will it be my time?
....
Some people seem to have it all
Some of them that seem to never fall
When they fall they always rise
This type of thing eats me up inside
Jealousy eats me up inside
Why can't I be them?
Why are they themselves and winners?
Why am I not anything close to who they are?
...
There is hope I know it
It just isn't my time

My mind wanders too far for me to catch up
The world seems so foggy
I can’t find my thoughts

I struggle just to collect the memories
That were left behind
Like a whisper on the breeze

When I’m wide awake
As the whole world sleeps
I feel no mercy from the darkness at my feet

I hear the laughter behind me
The pain only I can see

Is it too late for me to start again?
I must believe that every now and then

I can’t leave behind all that I know
So the world can learn
What it should have known long ago

I’ve never come this close to the fire
The truth is all that I desire

Pick myself up to knock you back down
If you only knew how I called for your help
Without making a sound

There were days where I'd crawled miles on hands and knees.
Every agonizing inch with only thoughts of finally resting at your side.

There were weeks where I'd close my eyes,
because the damage around me was to horrifying to witness.
My vision blurred from bleary kisses.
The caress of a backhanded comment.

There were months, and months where I held my words at bay;
keeping all my worries and doubts inside my mouth.
A devastating storm brewing just off shore on the tip of my tongue.

There were years where I would cry, begging for some sort of validity.
A single conformation from your lips.
I was in fact being heard over my silent screaming.

I tired of this endless journey.
Days.
Weeks.
Months.
Years of yearning.

Dredging through trenches on fire.
This tiresome struggle to inhale a single smokeless breath.

I drag myself on; towards the end and far beyond.
A clear blue sky waiting for my upheaval.
The air clean with a heavenly scent of freedom and home.

Some people are lost in the fire but some are built up within the infernal storm.

Someday when you see him
and your eyes meet
don't look down
hold his gaze
pretend it doesn't hurt anymore
and when he greets you
smile like you do it for a living
pretend that your world
doesn't revolve around him
and when he asks about your life
tell him how great you've been doing
pretend that you're not falling apart inside
and when he says goodbye
and turns his back to you
stop
and do what you always do.