"look at the lid of your cup, there's SO much lipstick on there." You pointed this out a few times to me. What did I do? Sat there embarrassed each time and tried to sheepishly rub the red substance off. It was small things like this, feeling like I somehow let you down-that scared me the most. Little did I know, I had way more to fear. Man, were you good at wiping things off as if they never existed. I should have just handed you my coffee cups and let you wipe off the stains because you are great at hiding the evidence of anything existing at all. My heart aches at the thought of you detoxing your body from my kisses. You wiped away the feeling of my head on your chest, my lips on yours, & the happiness you felt when I called you my babe. And now November has came and gone and I'm still stuck in October with you before you destructed us. "This doesn't have to be for good and I don't even want it to be for good." It's as though everything, your words, your promises, your dignity, have been stolen from you. You gave me the chance to run yet tried holding on to me to ultimately decide you wanted her, not me. WHAT DID I DO WRONG? I'm so tired of thinking it's me but the irritation and bitterness I feel is sickening. Now December has arrived and you're so far gone it frightens me.
You were supposed to stick around.

I feel like song lyrics could write our story;
Three words forming the world’s shortest synopsis-

*You should’ve stayed.

If you’re willing to risk it,
You must value it.
If you’re willing to hate it,
You must love it.
If you’re willing to see it,
You must feel it.
If you’re willing to feel it,
You must be it.
Be the rings within a tree,
Feel the bark and the falling leaves.
You must risk it all to value life,
You must hate what once brought you light.
Because when you love, you risk it.
When you risk it, you lose it.
When you lose it, you hate it,
And when you hate it, you feel it,


Hate is stronger than love,
So strong you can see it.
Hate looks like magma,
Ready to erupt, ready to ****.
Hate is the lightning that strikes the tree;
The ashes left after a storm.
Hate is a fire that wipes out a forest,
And leaves the landscape bare and broken.
But when you look at where it once was,
The forest, once so alive, now just a crust.
You realize that it’s not a new place,
But just a place without its trees.
When you sit back and you think
About what you’ve loved, lost, hated…
You realize that you never truly feel hate,
Just the absence of love. lmt

How do I unlove you?
How do I tell myself to stop imagining a future with you?
How do I make myself see reason and not cling to the ghost of a former you?
How?
Tell me now.
I beg you.
I want to know.
I need to know.
So I can finally let these feelings go.

I embody those relatable sound waves,
The nutrients your body always craves.
We're apart, and there's no one to blame.
It's our love that couldn't possibly be tamed.

In my twisted mind, craving the arms of another.
The universe guarantees the feeling of being smothered.
Oneself will forever be our most formidable enemy.
Stuck with my own comfort, I wither helplessly.