I knew I should have ran
the moment he pulled up in a car
my parents can't even afford.
I should have ran when I noticed that
he had more hair on his face than his head.

Nineteen year old boys aren't
supposed to drive nice cars.
And nineteen year old boys
aren't supposed to look like
twenty five year old men.

It didn't matter though
because he said he liked me
and he invited me to
cuddle and watch movies.
So
I didn't care that his car
was probably stolen,
or that he looked twenty five.
I just needed to be held
and it didn't matter by who.

His house was just minutes away
But it felt like worlds.
This place he called home didn't
look like much of a home at all.

I should have ran
Soon as it became clear
that this was more than two
friends hanging out.
Because as we
walked through the door,
He pushed me against the
Kitchen counter
and he grabbed me in places
I won't even touch when I'm alone.

I should have pushed him away
and ran as fast as I could.

But I didn't.

He showed me upstairs
to a room full of innocence.
Pink walls,
purple ceiling,
and cute stuffed animals.

I should have ran when such a grown man
invited me into such a small child's bed.

But I didn't.

I layed next to him
resting my head on his chest.

I was expecting a movie
but what I got was
rough hands up my shirt
and a tongue down my throat.

For the first time in my life
I said
no.
I said
stop.

But this is a nineteen year old boy
who wants to do more than cuddle.

This is a twenty five year old man
who doesn't take no for an answer.

I should have ran down the stairs,
out the door,
down the road,
through a river
through a ******* barb wire fence.
I should have ran far as I could.
But I didn't.

"You're a tease."

Now I'm not saying no.
I'm not saying stop.

"No"
doesn't keep hands from wandering
"Stop"
Doesn't make him change his mind.

I lay there and do what I'm told
because im tired of
fighting battles
I'll never win.

He looks me in my eyes
as I give him what he wants.
He's looking into my soul
as I surrender myself.

I should have ran
*but I didn't

Last night the personal space
of a girl wasted was taken away
by a wasted boy who thought it was ok
to slip his hand in her pants
in disrespect of the room he was in

Last night an old friend was called upon
to mend the wounds of a girl
left on the bathroom floor
unable to control the tremors inside
and a fountain rising out of her

Last night I laid witness to the perpetuation
of what we now call "**** culture"
and even if it was not ****
because he did not penetrate her
she still did not want anyone but her
touching what was rightfully hers

Last night a girl was told that it was partly her fault
because she decided she wanted to be drunk
and I forgot to lock the door to my room
where I had put her to bed so she could sleep.

Last night a girl was told it was her fault
and it was not