Words,
they cut deeper
than steel,
make you bleed more
than a bullet,
etch themselves
into your skin,
ring in your ears
and ache,
and ache,
and ache
and ****.

It is too soon,
too early
and
we are too young
too wild
and
too innocent
to be
this broken.

"How do you do it?
How do you
smile
and laugh
with everyone
and not hate anyone?"
I smiled
and laughed
and said
"I am filled with
rage
but I have known
pain.
That is enough."

I don’t know where to begin,
where to start,
or where to end
and where to stop.

I don’t know how to tell you what’s on my mind.
There are so many words missing, words I can’t find.
Because my mind is a warzone, it is a battlefield.
And my shield is broken and my weapons are blunt.
There’s nothing and no one to protect me in a war against myself.

I scream and I scream, and my skin, my voice bleed and I hope I wake up and it’ll all just be a dream. But it’s not, it seems.
I feel shunned though I have been told I’m loved, and that those who’re around me, who surround me love me.

But I find it hard to believe it now.

Time flies so fast for me
or does it stand still, I don’t know.
Minutes to hours, hours to days.
And it’s getting difficult for me to see
beyond the fog that clouds my thoughts, my eyes.
So I put on a mask
And do the impossible task
Of waking up every day
as I struggle to put on the play.

But the problem never goes away.

I slowly start shutting myself out from people,
stop going to places that are crowded
all the while enjoying being shrouded in the dark of my room.

I feel doomed.

I don’t like to cook,
I don’t feel like reading a book.
All satisfaction is gone and
I don’t know what’s wrong.

I don’t enjoy the things I used to.

There’s no purpose for me,
I feel.
No motivation.
Everything is just white noise.
Everything is static.

So I stand here now,
tired and weary,
at a path
so dark and dreary
leading to different directions,
all the while thinking

**I don’t want to exist anymore.

How do I tell her
that I
lose sleep,
stay up all night,
thinking,
wondering,
pondering,
finding the right words
to say
"Please, don't be mad.
I'm a little sad.
Things are bad.
I want to die."

Why don’t you see
that
it was never meant to be?
Why don’t you understand
that
he’ll never see
you on your knees,
he’ll never hear
your silent pleas.