My anxiety is not me.

My anxiety is shaking hands.
My anxiety is imaginative.
My anxiety is sleepless nights.
My anxiety is never satisfied.

My anxiety sits on my shoulder.

My anxiety keeps me from making important phone calls.
My anxiety forces me to want to isolate myself.
My anxiety makes me cry over nothing.
My anxiety makes me cry over everything.
My anxiety tells me a C may as well be an F.
But my anxiety forces me to avoid important tasks I have to deal with. Everything scares me.

What am I so scared of?

My anxiety wakes me up vomiting.
My anxiety forces me to pull away from the people I so badly want to fall into.
My anxiety keeps me from living.

My anxiety makes me at least two to twenty minutes late everywhere because I don’t believe I am ever prepared,
so I have to retrace my every other step,
constantly checking and re checking.
Constantly doubting.

My anxiety is a thin stream of fear trickling through my mind.
My anxiety is a menace, a monster, a fish with teeth,
black yarn, lawn chairs sinking in the sand.

My anxiety rules me.

is just a word used
to describe me.
You don’t look
long enough at me to really
see though.

I didn’t laugh when I realized
what I was.
It wasn’t new, I knew
how my mind worked.
The word wasn’t new either.
Just the label of being a
psychopath.

The insanity of my sanity
has long since made me
comfortable relaxed amused by my
wild
untamable
uncaring traits.

Who I am
what I am-
it taunts me so dearly,
never leaving my mind.

Resting in the crooks
corners
nooks
that my mind has available.

I´m obsessed with you,
Obsessed with the toxicity
Obsessed with you leaving me
Obsessed with the unknown

I´m obsessed with the dreams about you
The scenario´s i´m creating in my head
Obsessed with the urge to talk to you
Obsessed with the desire to see you.

I´m into you and I always wanted you,
You cutting me off, made me even want you more,
And I´m obsessed with all of you.

I´m obsessed with your dominance,
I´m obsessed with how you know what you want,
I´m obsessed with the way you flirt,
The way you have your life put together.

Will this obsession ever be over?
It´s a question for me
And a uknown mystery for you...

I have the tenacity of Aries, and always live in my head
with the insatiable appetites of Taurus; **** do I love bread
I behold the powers of Gemini to be another person instead
and I’m such a Cancer on those days I’d just rather stay at home in bed
I have the heart of the lion like a proud Leo; mess with my loved ones and you’ll surely be dead!
I can be anxious like a Virgo; disarray is something I quite dread
and like a Libra I’m a romantic; though from many a lover I have fled
I’m intense like a Scorpio, **** me off and lightly you must tread…
like a fiery Sagittarius, my passion for life, it burns red!
The sun was in Capricorn when I was born; the sign of a lone wolf, no more about that need be said
Progressive and free spirited like Aquarius, for this I refuse to ever wed
and I've been known to be sensitive like a Pisces; oh the tears I have shed…
Together these archetypes make up who I am, thread by thread…
I am the Zodiac, right down to every drop of blood bled.

If there’s a group of people,
And each one has an imaginary friend,
And you put those imaginary friends together,
What do you get?
Do you get a Super imaginary friend?
Do you get a real person?
I’d like to know.
You see, I think I’m one—
A compilation of imaginary friends.
I’m real but I’m not
There to interact with anyone.
At least, I think I’m real.
But doesn’t every imaginary friend?
Or do they know they’re imaginary?
Do these thoughts of mine
Prove my imaginary status?
I don’t think real people
Imagine they’re imaginary.
Do they?

You are either going to love this one or hate it, though I know what I am voting for, see, because they talk about curiosity, but I am curious about you.
I’m curious how you got the moon to pair with your eyes making them so big bright and beautiful.
I’m curious how you know what to say to make me smile, how you know exactly what to say to make my insecurities go away.
Like how can you know me so well, and make my heart swell, and make it so hard to tell you, that I might have a thing for you.
I’m curious on how your smile resembles the face of god, how perfect people are not supposed to exist, but yet here you are.
I’m curious to know how such a person like you could even stand to talk to a person like me.
Yeah, and I want to know how you make my heart flutter, and how every time we talk you always end up making me stutter,
and I am curious to know how you got so good at being so cute. You are always telling me that taking risks is a good thing, and this, this is my risk. I am opening my heart, and pouring my soul onto this page, and I am preparing to sink or swim.
I want to know how my mind is always so confused when I’m with you, and I am curious if there is some way that these emotions are mutual. Because *** right now I got a lot of kids wondering, A. Who’s he talking about * B. this is awkward and strange, or C. this is terrible.*
But for everyone else, please forgive me, but this is necessary. This is the only way I could think of telling her I think I like her. See, I know I’m not really a likable guy, but girl I am telling you, you are able to make me fly. I believe in everything when you’re around. It’s like your laugh is fuel, and your smile is the plane, your feet must be hurting, because you run marathons through my brain. I can’t quite make sense of this feeling, but believe me, I am telling you, you are perfect in every way. It tears me when you give in to your insecurities because there is so much I can tell you to build you up, but I’m scared. Your truth is beautiful. I love you for you, and I wouldn’t change a thing. I’m just scared because this feeling is fragile, and like glass, it can break quickly. But I need to tell you this, and I know this isn’t much but this is my truth. If I could spill out my heart on this page, I would, but the ink would smear.
I’m curious how your night was, I care about your emotions, I carry your words with understanding. I want to tell you straight up, but my smile might fade, and a lot of people are probably going to through me shade for this, but this is worth the humiliation and teasing, I am willing to do this, put myself down like this for you. I am telling you my genuine feelings for you, standing here feeling like I am back in elementary passing notes asking you to check yes or no. I want you so bad, but I am scared because as I am speaking, you are here listening to me. For all I know you could be examining my flaws, but I hope that you are hearing this, and knowing that this is your poem.
I am curious to know how you are able to inspire me so much to do something as crazy as this. It’s easier to talk about depression or abuse, but this is the cheesy roses are reds violets are blue thing, but wait, I got a good ending for that one, too! It’s like roses are red, violets are blue, but not a flower brighter than my feelings for you. I know this poem is not perfect, but I am trying because you are the definition of perfection. I trust you with this, I trust that you know who you are. This flow of words can be dedicated to you. This is my roundabout way of telling you, I like you.
So I’m curious to know,
*If you could somehow like me too.

You ask me about these reckless teenagers?
Let me tell you what you don't know about them.
They are broken. Broken and used over and over again.
Still they are young at hearts and ready to risk everything that's left of them.
They are immature yet their stories will make you feel like some seventy year old
for they have more to tell than you. They might not have seen this world
but they have felt it with all their hearts
and they have tasted young love on the tips of their tongues in those dark rooms with the scent of whiskey.
"Irrational." you say? Love does not need any eyes to see.

You ask me about these reckless teenagers?
Let me tell you that they have nothing ahead of them
yet they have their whole lives planned out joining the stars at night
stupid it may seem but your reality is a non-existent dot in front of their dreams
and they look useless wasting their times but listen to them once. I dare you. Listen to them and you'll realize
what a different universe lies inside them.
Their words will take you places and you'll lose yourself to their tales.
Tales that are from all over the world, about every different tribe, with a new character every time.

You ask me about these reckless teenagers?
Let me tell you that they won't give up. They won't sit back
they are like a huge clan and they are ready to live. Live not just survive.
They are the bad fish that ruins the whole pond yet still are sold in the highest price.
They will not leave any empty gaps rather they will leave a whole legacy behind.
And their death won't be saddening for anyone. Not you. Not me. Not themselves even.
Their death will be like a celebration. Like fireworks in the night sky.
Yes, that's right. Their deaths will be the marking of another great life.

You ask me about these reckless teenagers?
Let me tell you what you don't know about them.
Look at their smiles and then peak inside.
Sir, I bet you, you'll feel like a little child.