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In the cold, dark
        of January,
         I remembered
              you
        the most.
  As the chill
      snapped bones
              like branches,
     as the afternoons
   bathed themselves
in gray,
     as the birds
and the backs
      shook,
so did my lips
   around your name.
I'm so happy
     January is almost
over now.
Everyone was looking for it.
The legend.
Nobody knew what it was.
But I blindly followed them on the search.
Traveling endlessly, we answered the call of adventure.
Most turned back.
They tuned in to the monotony of life and ignored the call.
But not me.
I stayed.
Searching, even when all others had given up.
Then, one day, I found it.
It wasn't much.
Just a small hole.
But it stretched into infinity.
I looked in, and I was greeted by a mindshattering sight.
I looked in to myself.
"You have come far."
"But only to fail."
"This is not your legend."
"Your legend is yourself."
I watched myself fade away, and relished in my new knowledge.
I no longer heard the call of adventure.
I heard the call of the universe.
The call of myself.
No matter how long I tried,
I was never good enough.
No matter how little I ate,
I was never skinny enough.
No matter how long I stayed,
I was never loyal enough.
No matter how much I cried,
I was never emotional enough.

I was never enough for you.
I was never enough for anyone.
I lie awake remembering, wishing I could sleep to forget.
 Dec 2020 imperfectstranger
jl
Crush
 Dec 2020 imperfectstranger
jl
Late night texts
Sleepy eyes
Small smiles
Butterflies

Stolen moments
Held inside
Beating heart
Stupefied

~

Left alone
Tear filled eyes
Chapped lips
Scarred thighs

Empty promises
Cast aside
Broken heart
Terrified

~j.l.
there's a reason why its called a crush
if there was a word
other than
goodbye
that meant
choosing myself instead of you

i would have used it
i hate that this
is what i need
Doubts
can consume your soul,
destroy your
dreams
and
every
inch
of your hope.
people see smoldering flames  
crawling up her veins
and think of empires collapsing into ash,

people watch her eyes spark
and feel her calloused electricity
and they convince themselves of her power  

she broods and she intimidates    
and they think she is strong
and they think she is dangerous
and they are afraid of her fire

even though the only thing she tries to destroy
is herself.
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